Perfectionism

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Please help me! My lecturer just pointed out to me that I am a perfectionist after I asked if I could re-do an assignment. I didn't realise I was until she said it but I think there is some truth to it. How do I stop being a perfectionist?

I don't think you can, it's who you are.

Why would you WANT to stop being a perfectionist?!

ok here than definition of perfectionist : A propensity for being displeased with anything that is not perfect or does not meet extremely high standards. definition of perfect: complete of its nature or kind definition of complete: Having all necessary or normal parts, components, or steps so in simple terms where i was going with this is that you would want to stop being a perfectionist so you do not feel the urge to hate something that is not perfect that you created, say in an essay that you do the whole instead of getting an a standard on the first paragraph but not completing the rest.

I recently read a quote from Leonardo da Vinci that "art is never finished, only abandoned".

There's also such a thing as the law of diminishing returns - you can keep working on something but the degree of improvement is no longer worth the effort required.

I don't think you can stop being a perfectionist but at some point you have to move on to the next thing. A deadline, either external or self-imposed, helps.

That description sounds a lot like how NTs want everyone to be out in public. If one teeny little microscopic detail is out of order on a person and is not 100 percent what people expect, that person gets humiliating stares and people hate that person for it. That's what it seems to me. No, it doesn't just stop in High School. It goes on throughout adulthood, especially in a lot of women - they just can't seem to grow out of it. I grew out of it though, I don't care if something so trivial is a little bit out of order on a person, I got better things to worry about than that, my job is not a people inspector.

Having something external force you into having practice with saying "I can't do more right now" helps a lot. You still will want everything you do to be perfect after that point, but the ability to put it down and say that you need to do something else will be improved.

Well, I've gotten over some of it by saying that the only people who never mess up are those who never do anything, and never doing anything is the biggest mess-up of all.

That mistakes are as valuable as successes, provided you learn from them.

Parenthood helped a lot. No matter what you do, you are going to screw something up. Once again, once the kid is made anyway, the biggest mistake is to do nothing at all for fear of messing it up.

Good enough is good enough. Assorted other mantras.

Be careful with perfectionism. People will use it against you-- pointing out the mistakes YOU made and using them as a reason why everything is ALL YOUR FAULT.

On the other hand, I sometimes wonder if perfectionism is a symptom of AS...

...or a survival mechanism we've developed to help us cope in a world that is always ready to tear us apart because, being perceptibly different, we start out on thin ice.

Not that it's a conspiracy among those evil NTs or anything. It's not. It's not even conscious. It's human nature. Yuck.

I suppose I am also a perfectionist. I just asked to do a reshoot (volunteer/no pay) of some dogs that need good homes. I took quite a few photos the other day, & they just don't live up to my standards. I was rushed, & dogs can sense tension which means they don't cooperate as well...neither do I. LOL 1. I am really picky & even though my name is not attached, I want to represent myself & the rescue in the best possible way. 2. These pictures are public, see #1. I have become better at not picking apart/criticizing everything I do, but if it looks bad right out of the gate, I will never be pleased with the end product. I refuse to release anything that I cannot look upon with pride or satisfaction.

I don't think I can change my basic nature. I can only strive to produce something of quality from the beginning so I don't have to revisit my work. That's my main goal. I don't always live up to my standards, so I have to be willing to make adjustments.