AS v NT - working out taboos

Post Reply New Topic

Socially, I am aware that certain things are taboo or generally offensive, etc. but I don't understand why. When someone else brings up something that I feel is more or less an equivalent topic, I feel free to go ahead and not be so vigilant about not saying taboo things but then sometimes people say later that I went too far. Is this something NTs do? What is the difference in this type of situation between Aspies and NTs?

Australien, I've got the same problem, and I doubt we're alone. What I do is to avoid discussing anything other than business with people I don't know well. I save anything more personal for the Internet, or for the handful of people I understand, and who understand me. If your AS is anything close to as severe as mine, you're beating your head up against the proverbial wall.

Trying to socialize with those outside my small group of friends is a guarantee of embarrassing myself. I have everything to lose and nothing to gain.

I'm not saying to be rude or totally uncommunicative with others. I'm as polite as I know how to be, and cooperative when appropriate. This is the way I've found the less outgoing normals behave, and I'd as soon the world think I'm among this crowd.

The sort of thing I'm talking about is, for example, someone will say something and my mind opens up a sort of conversational branch from what they said, but relating to, let's say, abortion. I know that abortion is something of a taboo so I don't say anything. If someone more familiar with the group follows a conversational branch that seems to be on a similar topic and nobody seems to tell them off, I figure "oh, that's not taboo here" and proceed down the entire conversational branch that I came up with, but then sometimes people say I went too far, not so offended that they want to fight me or yell at me, but sometimes they laugh and shake their heads or walk away or say something like "too far, man" even though they're smiling and laughing...

Is this something NTs do?

The problem is we don't see the warning signs--socially, we are the one who barge right through barriers that everyone else sees.

In other words, they are yelling, STOP, STOP, via non verbal communication and we don't get any of it--its like we are totally blind and deaf to the normal warning signs.

If you can't see the land mines, it may be wise to walk behind someone who can.

That's a very big question you're asking and not one that I can answer in this totality. Going too far with certain topics is neither the preserve of people with ASDs, nor is being upset with people who go to far a preserve of NTs. I mean, look around some of the threads here.

So I want to respond to a small part of your post, namely that of your use of the word "taboo". I would not say that abortion as a conversation subject is taboo the way, say, incest is taboo. Abortion is an extremely tricky subject and you would have to tread very carefully, especially in a group of people rather than just in conversation with your best friend.

Is that what you meant when you used the word taboo?

Yes, that's what I meant, sorry.

Thanks for clarifying, no need to apologise at all. I'll give your question some more thought.

This is exactly what I've done for most of my life. I figured out very early on that my lack of social skills could get me into trouble, especially since I don't have any 'taboos' as such when it comes to discussing issues. However, I keep the vast majority of people at arms length and avoid getting into such topics. I stay silent on controversial issues unless I am on the internet or know the person reasonably well.
It has worked quite well for me - even if people end up thinking I'm shy or have nothing of substance to say. I can live with that