Stopping the conversation

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Now this isn't about all NT's, or even some. Just one.

I've only ever seen this in one person: my sister.

She will bring a conversation to an abrupt halt by saying 'I don't want to talk about this any more.'

When I was younger I didn't think much of this but now that I've learned social skills and tried to execute what I've learned when I can, and to try my very best to follow them and watch myself closely so I don't make mistakes, it feels quite insulting.

I go through all this effort and here is some very social well adjusted person making up their own rules. The second time she did this on the same night I called her out, and then I got told to leave it alone by my mother.

I will not leave this alone. I try so damn hard to not talk too much about my interests, and force myself to actually look like I care what people are talking about, and just my damndest to not say anything inappropriate by mistake.

If she can break the rules then why can't I? There are very few topics that I can actually take part in a conversation about and she kept stopping them before I could even get started.

I have emotional scars from this girl that are still bleeding and each time I see her she just cuts them deeper. They say family is everything, it's all you have. You should love them no matter what. Even if they treat you like crap? Even every time when they look at you it looks like they are judging you?

Anyway, I needed to get that out.

Know anyone else who wants to change the social rules? Please share! I would much rather if they had effortless social skills and not have an ASD. We have a damn neurological disorder which makes it hard for us to know there are social rules to begin with (in various ways).

family is only everything in movies. man forget that you will be better. my advice to you is to try to break loose as soon as you can. people have a ridiculous idea that they can move out on disability. you will need college, a trade certification, or a part time job with enough money in the bank to pay the rent and food for a year.

Oh, I don't live with her. She was just visiting. But we live in the same city and our family is big and likes to get together a lot.
I've just been told to be patient with her but it's impossible. Her offensive behaviour is as clear as day yet I'm the only one who sees it. She is nowhere on the spectrum too.

She always tries to get me to talk yet isn't interested in what I have to say.

I think I should just be honest with her because every time we get together it's always like this.

So, to me, you come off as if you don't think your sister has a right to exist. Is this what you meant? What is it you want from her? How much older than you is she? Do you have any younger sibs? Do you know how seriously pesky younger siblings can be growing up? I'll bet your sister has a ton of issues involving you that you don't even know about. Autistic people are difficult to live with, there's no denying that but hands down, younger sibs can be a huge pain. I know. I have 6 of them.

And how do you know she's nowhere on the spectrum? She's related to you. I occasionally end conversations like that because of what I call my sensitivities, I loose the ability to exercise tact and graciousness - it's like if I have to bear another moment with someone or something that bugs me, I will explode. For me, it's easiest to remove myself from the situation, even if it's rude. Better to be a little rude than to start screaming at people.

I don't need you to tell me all the answers to those questions, just think about these kinds of things. If you're the only one who sees that her behavior is unacceptable, maybe you have issues with her that have clouded your perception.

I can tell you that people go through phases. I remember when I was about 25, I absolutely had no tolerance for people in high school. I was embarrassed by my younger siblings who were that age. They're ok now and we get along. We all grew up and learned to respect each other as adults - OVER TIME... like decades. I hate to imagine how much of a judgmental ass I probably was during that phase of my life. I'm thankful for the people who put up with me.

I think one of the tricks to this is to put yourself in the other person's shoes - try to see their side. They have as much right to exist as I do; how can we exist fairly in the same universe?

One, she is a year older than me. I'm not saying I don't want her to exist, I just want her to be f**king nice to me for a change.

You want to hear about all the horrible things she has done to me throughout our childhood?
She framed me for shop lifting when I was about 3 or 4.
She's called me ret*d and adopted more times I than I can count.
She kicked me under the table, dug her nails in me and said she wanted to see me bleed.
She called me psycho after I had meltdowns.

She is one overly social fahionistsa E channel watching won't be caught dead watching sci-fi NT.

She is a typical bully to someone who is different. She always tried to make it that everything I did was somehow wrong.

She ends conversations because she doesn't want to talk about a certain subject. It's not that she can't.

She's had friends most of her life, and large groups of them too. She is the furthest you can get away from someone with an ASD. I've known her for 26 years. And I think I'm pretty good at picking up ASD behaviour.

Anyway, back to my original point: I don't think it's social etiquette to just end conversations like that. For three years I've been working on my social skills and I've gotten pretty good but to have someone with more natural social skills just do that...it's just too much.

Last time she insulted me I didn't talk to her for three months. They say you should forgive people but what about those people who just insult you again and again? If she doesn't change I will just completely break ties with her.

Try hitting back for once

My sister offended me when I was telling her about my LDR, and said 'I don't want to argue'. Where do people get off with that???

The thing about social rules and family or very close friends is that they don't always apply there.

You do not have to be on your best behavior with them, nor do they with you.

An exampe is that a person cannot pass gas while sitting in a room full of acquaintances or strangers. A person can when sitting in a room with family watching tv.

A person cannot go up to an acquaintance or a stranger and tell them they need to talk about a very stressful event, but they can to family and close friends.

You shouldn't do something to intentionally hurt a member of your family (although kids do that all the time) but you also do not have to be on your guard to mind your p's and q's all the time either. It's acceptable to say to a family member or close friend that you do not want to talk (or hear) about a certain subject. It's also acceptable to say that to anyone if the subject causes you emotional distress.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

She tells you she wants to see you bleed and then calls you psycho? I'd be more worried about her mental health than anything else.