Why do people keep asking me this?

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I've been asked by a Law Firm, a Disability Advocate and a Psychologist why I waited so long to apply for disability. Why now? they keep asking and I don't understand what they mean, it's baffling and frustrating because I've been out of work for over a yr and I'm convincing myself everyday not to kill myself and they ask me these simple questions as if I shouldn't be applying. I have never had a diagnosis, I've been suffering since age 6 (I'm 22) and now that I'm an adult who's expected to take care of herself I've realized I cant do it alone and I'm seeking a diagnosis to make my life easier in any way. I've gotten to the point where I tell myself every day that the only reason I haven't commited suicide is because it's a sin (please don't get into this, we all have different beliefs and I'm not trying to condemn anyone. It's keeping me alive so bear with it). I'm at the highest pinnacle of my life and feel like a failure because I can't get away from home even though I've been told to leave since age 6 since I didn't like it. The stress of moving out and getting my own life is unbearable. Maybe that's why I don't get what they're asking me, just too stresed out. Please help, simplify if need be.

They're NT's and they don't understand how you're thinking about this. To them they're just observing someone who has waited a while before accepting they needs a little help. It's a case of a simple question from them being a bigger one for us.

Thanks. I thought the world would be different when I got away from home but I'm realizing everyone is just like my mother with a desire to generalize and mold people rather than try to understand them. It's demeaning because I've always known I needed help but just didn't get it til now. Oh well, just more **** to get over lol.

Also, its hard to get disability even for those with very obvious illneses.
Take it from a fellow Aspi who also has Crohn's disease, while I never applied for it, I have friends on HealingWell.com who have struggled for years trying to get this.
You need a good doctor & a good attorney.
And they are going to keep on asking you those annoying questions.
Its just one of those annoying facts of Life. ( also caused by scum who try to abuse the system, so EVERYONE suffers!)

Sincerely,
Matt.

XXXXXX

Last edited by purchase on 18 Jan 2012, 4:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I have a number of health problems of my own, and have been down this road, although at a later age. You need to build up a medical record file to support your claims, which means having all of your problems checked out by doctors. The more records of verified problems you can show at your assistance hearing, the better. You also need a good attorney representing you. If you can't afford one on your own, then get a Legal Aid attorney. Bear in mind, your own attorney will ask you these difficult questions, but that is because the assistance hearing judge will ask them, and you need to prepare an answer for these questions ahead of time. Knowing it in your head is fine, but people still fumble putting what they know into words. It is better to work on the answers ahead of time, so you will be prepared, and your attorney will help with that.

In case you are wondering why I mentioned an assistance hearing, they routinely deny the first application any one makes for assistance. Some people foolishly stop trying at this point. The wiser ones file an appeal, and will then have to have an assistance appeal hearing. If you are denied again, you can appeal again, but to improve your chances at the first appeal hearing, you really need to have medical records to support your claim, and you really need to have an attorney to help you handle things. I couldn't afford an attorney for my appeal, so I went to the Legal Aid office and got a Legal Aid attorney. I spent the long months while waiting for my hearing, by using my Medicaid assistance to go to doctors to document my health problems. It paid off. Thanks to the help from my attorney and my medical records I won my first appeal hearing, so I didn't have to try again.

The day of my hearing, I was sitting in a waiting area waiting my turn, and talking to another lady who was also waiting. She didn't have an attorney, and didn't have enough of a medical paper trail to fully document her problems. She had been through several appeals without an attorney, and without winning. I told her what I had been told by relatives--that she needed more medical records, and an attorney. Although neither one of us had money of our own to pay for doctor visits or an attorney, there are option out there that she either didn't know about, or had chosen not to use. Legal Aid provided my attorney, and Medicaid provided my medical coverage. I went in before she did, so I don't know how her case turned out. I hope she finally won, or if not, I hope my advice was a help for any future appeals.

Just don't let those awkward questions faze you when you talk to your attorney, your doctors, and the assistance people. Take the time when you are at home to go through them, and write down the answers, so you won't have to fumble for the answers so much when you see these people.

Good luck getting your assistance. And remember, we on the spectrum are all:

A Different Drummer

If a man does not keep pace with his companions,
Perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.
Let him step to the music which he hears,
However measured or far away.

--Henry David Thoreau

Yes, and anxiety is another reason people in need of assistance often do not ask for it. The thought of all that extra complexity, and dealing with unknown people, and the uncertainty of the outcome - all these things increase the anxious person's avoidance of assistance until the person's problems become so large that they outweigh the fear of seeking help.

So asking "why did you wait?" is a little bit like asking someone "Why did it take you so long to get help with your procrastination problem?"

That's why it's demeaning to me. It's not like I didn't spend countless nights in ER's over the yrs. full of Benadryl to stop me from twitching, or having a million doctors say well your tests are fine so it's just stress. I really meant it when I said SUFFERING. I'm also nervous about the "free" medical options in my area because everytime I go they want to put me in an insane asylum. I feel like these people are still stuck in the 1800's (I live in the country) and just wanna write me off. Everyone's advice has been helpful so far and I'll just have to prepare myself for the most stress of my entire life hitting me in the face at once. I'm still trying to get more records since my last bout of working through this was about 6 yrs. ago. I've been crawling around the house since then with no real help until my therapy sessions started. She's helping me out and she really is my rock (on earth anyway) right now. It's a long haul but it's not like I have a choice at this point .

Yeah, as much as I prefer living in the country, the folk who live there just don't understand people who are different. Plus, its harder to get help.
You got some good advice up there. The thing to do is keep appealing & applying. Eventually they will cave. Hang in theere!

Matthew

I'm 36 so if I ever apply they would probably ask me that too. I want to now because I've started thinking about what is going to happen to me when my mother is gone since I am unable to support myself. I've actually had people telling me "your mother isn't going to be around to support you forever" since grade school but I didn't even start worrying about it until the past couple of years.

I haven't done it yet for various reasons such as no diagnosis, anxiety, not knowing what to do, and not wanting to leave the house much. I also have no id and don't really know how/if I can get one.

Thanks everyone. This is the most help I've gotten from anywhere with this problem. I really appreciate the insightful advice.

I lived by renting rooms, and trying to work. I've never been able to keep a job. I was homeless for some time, because I didn't want t sleep on a cot in a living room, it was demeaning. Some people have helped me on my way, but I ended up buying and old rv, which I am parking at someone's house. There's about of foot of snow on the ground outside, but other than that I can't complain. It sure would be nice to be able to support myself. I'm trying to get on disability, but I'm not to hopeful.