I want to silence my mother.

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Alright. I stopped liking my mom quite a long time ago. After my parents split up, she moved away... and changed into some crazy person that I now have to live with.

She is BiPolar. She knows I have Aspergers, and I don't know what is going through her mind when she does some of the things she does.

+ I have to watch my infant brother. BABYSITTING IS NOT SOMETHING A LOVING MOTHER WOULD MAKE HER ASPIE SON DO! That is torture on my mind. To the point where if my brother doesn't stop crying, I pull my hair out.

+ She screeches at me constantly in this high-pitched voice. I can't stand that sound. I just... want to get violent and shut her up. When I finally say "Hey mom. I REALLY need time alone." she says in a rude voice: "HOOW LOONG?!"

+ She constantly has new ideas about how to arrange the house. I have to help her move furniture on a regular basis. Then she comes into my room and freaks around with my computer equipment, then gives no explanation. If I ask for an explanation of how she accidently switches off my computer, she just gives me this "none of your business" expression.


Anyone feel my pain?

Maybe that wasn't the greatest name for the thread.

I have no intention of actually harming my mother in any way. It is just the stress she puts me through that sometimes makes me wonder if I could.

Might not have been the best thread title but, hey, I clicked right on it! What does that say about me and my family relationships!?! I figured you weren't serious, though. Probably 'cause I'm AS too and i have BIG problems with my whole family, 'mother' is right on top of that list most of the time.

Did you ever consider that her prob's might stem form AS? Well I know my mother's do and she thinks she's just fine.

You should try to help her out though, unless u r at your wits end. Saying that, I know how hard it can be. But maybe if you make extra effort, she will......?

My boyfriend is bi-polar. The lack of judgement drives me NUTZ at times. OK, most of the time. The meds just make him feel useless and sometimes he acts like he IS...........its hard.

I moved out of our place lasy year and in with my mother for a while. Made me worse. Maybe her too......I can't live with her. Although I'd like to because she needs my support in a lot of ways, but it only makes ME worse and so it just doesn't work.

Anyway, hang in there!

I was pretty sure that "silence" was exactly what you meant, Steve. I know what it's like to live with a mother who uses her voice as a weapon.

My Mum drives me mad. She's not nasty or messed up or anything, but she IS a hypnotherapist and a counsellor and I feel like a patient and not a son most of the time. She's patronising and irritating and the only person in the whole world who ALWAYS phones up when I'm already 20 minutes late going out or right on deadline for an essay or my food is just cooked or the bath is about to overflow. Every. Bloody. Time.

When I need answers, she gives me more questions. When I need support, she makes me feel small.

I thought it was just a teenage rebellious thing, but it isn't. My Mum puts my teeth on edge like a 3am car alarm.

If you live with someone who drives you nuts, there's only one long term solution. Move out. If you can't do that at the moment, try and set yourself up so you're ready when the opportunity arises. And in the meantime, just keep out of her reach as much as you can. I don't know what you're into, but maybe go out walking, or to the skatepark or library or wherever.

Power and knowledge need to be tempered with compassion and common courtesy. Your mother the great professional needs to get her feet back on the ground, Hermit.

I don't want to put her down too much - she's not pushy or selfish, just annoying. She doesn't mean to be like that, and I think I'm hyper-sensitive to it. She just has an ability to wind me up, at a level I can't really control.

The really worrying thing is that I know I talk down to people sometimes, too. I hate myself for it because I know exactly how it feels when my Mum does it to me. Seems like I've inherited at least a little of the "irritating" gene...

Getting back on topic, though, if someone annoys you the best thing to do is simply walk away. That's what I've had to do. If I need advice I'll talk to my friends or my Dad - people who accept me for who I am.

You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your relations.

My father is like your mother. Tremendously irritating.

Mothers....who doesnt have problems,probably the most confusing and powerful relationship most people will ever have.Dads seem to me to be more leveled headed or less involved, being preferred to someone who we are often so "enmeshed" with.Mother.....hard job,glad I dont have to do it.
My mom kicked me out at 16....best thing she could have done for either one of us,though it was hell on me at the time.Our relationship is "better" today.She has "grown up" a lot.(LOL?)A crazy mom....I assumed that was in the deffinition of MOM....but I am obviously biased.Part of her "crazy" may in part be,trying to raise two children on her own with her own "issues"....I hate to even consider what I would have been like as a mother......scary.

Solutions....write down the issues you are having with her and ask her to write a response and possible solutions.(for me writing is always easier because when I tried to talk to my mom all this "emotion" would keep us from communicating effectively)You may not realize her reasoning behind some of her decisions.(Like she may not be able to afford paying a babysitter?)

Sorry to hear that. What's worse is that it seems so trivial that I can't really complain... and yet I'll end up digging my nails into my palms or smacking my head against cupboard doors out of sheer frustration when she's on the phone.

I thought love for parents was supposed to be an automatic thing? It worries me that I don't feel anything like that. I don't wish her any harm, but...

I live with my parents but my father is a workaholic, so he's away most of the time. I'm sure he's an undiagnosed aspie. He drives both me and my mother and brother, who are NTs, nuts.

I also have a mother who's endlessly rearranging the house, and obsessing about dirt/whatever on the floor.

I think there are three possible reasons for this behaviour (or mixture of them combined):
1) She's just stayed at home too long, and lost perspective on what's importance. Housework has become her life's main compelling struggle.
2) She feels frustrated about the problems in her life, but the only productive thing she can do is keep cleaning. By being able to control her house, she feels like she has control over her life again (similar to anorexics and controlling weight).
3) I think some people don't understand what's actually bothering them, and wrongly blame ALL their unhappiness on one problem (ie, often something poltical, or something you see wrong in society). This could be another case of that, where the problem is just an imperfect house.

re: silencing your mother... I suggest duct tape. Nonlethal and reversible should the need arise.
However, as for her messing with your computer... is it your computer or one your folks bought you? If it's yours, you might mention to her that respect goes both ways, and that if she'd like you to respect her belongings, she needs to reciprocate.

*hands you duct tape* go crazy

Steve, it is a good idea for you to document everything that goes on for the next few weeks. Presuming that you are under the age of 18, you may want to look for a child advocate to turn it over to. If you are an adult, get a job, get the hell out. If you are under 18 and you can get a job, get a job and save up some money so you can get out when you are an adult.

Thanks for the replies.

Good advice, actually. Keep my distance and... start getting money. I turn 18 in March of next year. Something I am looking forward to. And I need to buckle down to find a job. Turned in a lot of applications at places but, eh, you know how it can be.

One good thing about Topeka, KS (the city I live in,) is that the population is declining, which means job positions are potentially in many places.

Anyway. Someone asked if my mom's problems stem from AS. I'm 100% sure my mother is 100% NT. My own AS has to come from my dad.

Thanks again,

Ttyl!