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Hi, I registered last year but didn't use the site much. I may have made a post or two, not sure.

I'm not sure if I have Asperger or not and wanted to get some feedback.

Some difficulties I struggle with:

- I have a very monotone voice. No matter how hard I try to act enthusiastic, I really cannot change it. People often mock the way I talk. When I see full grown adults mock the way I talk, it makes me misanthropic.

- I am socially naive. I value integrity and honesty above everything else and fall into the trap of thinking everyone else is the same as myself. Sociopaths and immoral neurotypicals have preyed on this perceived "weakness" in the past I have a very difficult time protecting myself by playing dumb or lying to appease people.

- I sometimes take things too literally. I often cannot tell the difference between when someone is teasing me or attacking me. My experience has shown that people really are attacking me because they think I am dumb (my voice sounds dumb to other people) Neurotypicals will often do whatever they can get away with if it is in their own best interest from my experience.

- I am often bullied and have trouble defending myself.

- I suffer from chronic depression, anxiety, OCD, and tics.

- I sometimes fall prey to paranoia when I am chronically bullied for being different. After all, is a paranoiac really paranoid if experience has proven them correct in the past? People will then accuse me of being mentally ill when I know it is not the case. I sometimes want to drive a bullet into their brains because they don't realize how incredibly stupid and ignorant they are (no offense, but seriously, offense)

- I take things too literally sometimes and often misperceive jokes as insults.

- I will call people out when I know they are wrong and I am right (neurotypicals will perceive me as the bad guy when I have a struck a nerve with them) They will do everything in their power to defend themselves and I will not.

- I often don't pick up on social cues. I expect people to tell me when they are bored with me. They say with their words they are not bored but their actions say otherwise. Often I don't realize this until days or week after the fact when I have thought it through and it sinks in. I wish people would just SAY WHAT THEY MEAN! Don't make things so complicated for me!

- I am not a bad person. I show people respect until they have proven that they don't deserve it (which is about half the population). I will sometimes play dumb and notice that people will take advantage of it and again, it just makes me misanthropic

What do you guys think? I am not a bad person, I just don't conform to society. I have actual thoughts of my own and it seems to scare normal people.

Just leave any inkling towards misantropy at the door and enjoy your stay.

i can't say whether or not you have AS with what you've listed because I can't tell whether or saying "I have trouble with social cues" means you are chronically socially blind, friendless and useless in chit chat, or if you occasionally miss a verbal cue or facial expression.

Sorry, that was a bit emotional. I have recently been mobbed on another forum and do not trust people very much as a result. I'm seeing a therapist tomorrow who may be better able to say.

The part about "driving a bullet through their brain" was just a metaphor. I'm not really like that. It was just an emotional expression of anger. I've never gotten in a fight in my entire life and am actually very passive.