Feeling alone

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I think the title says it all. I am dreading going to school tomorrow because I feel so out of things socially. I hate it. There's a year and a half left. That's not very long, but I feel like things are getting harder socially. I can't wait for it to me over.

I'm just having a bad day.

Support would be very helpful.

Thank you.

So good news is: there is us on the internet perhaps school wont give you the friends you need, but most classmates are worthless anyway. The internet is great and there are plenty of people to chatter with here. Also with only a year and a half left you are close to being free from the heck that is school... (unless you are going to more school later)

Now would be a good time to do something that makes you feel good that you can enjoy on your own first... put yourself back into a better state of mind and then once you do that you can approach the idea of bringing others into your life.

Also, maybe there are groups in your local area for people with interests that match yours! They would probably be better than a bunch of classmates...

I hope you feel better soon

Thank you for your reply! It really helped.

I did just do something that I enjoy: I watched a tv show I like with my girlfriend.

I still feel depressed though. It may be because I ran out of part of my dose of one of my psych meds, but I often feel depressed on Sundays, knowing that I have school the next day.

Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of time for clubs, but I just joined a ballet class, which is fun (though there is no one anywhere near my age).

I am very lucky to be with my girlfriend, who is amazing. It just hurts when I go to school and feel alone.

I have this friend at school, and this year, she has gotten really close to other people. I feel left out, which is how I usually have felt in school throughout my life. Being social just takes so much energy, and I always feel awkward. I don't like standing out, but I feel like I do (and have probably for my whole life). I feel like my friend finding closer friends is just another example of friends finding better friends than me and leaving me in the dust. I know she is not trying to do that, but it feels like it sometimes.

Unfortunately, I think I will always have this problem, whether or not I am in school. I am doing a practicum (like a mini internship), and I feel like I stick out there, too. I try to be friendly, but it always just seems so awkward. I am worried about even ever getting a good job, because I am so awkward in interviews! But that's something for another thread when I get closer to graduation.

It is really nice to know that there are people out there who understand. It hurts so badly to be out of place all the time. I am glad that I can talk to you guys online.

I get what I think of as "left behind" all the time.

Which is, upon initial meeting me people think of me as one of the crowd... Then as I dont fit specific characteristics that bond the group together I find myself either withdrawing quietly or them getting involved in things that are uncomfortable for me (specific social behaviors outside of my personal social scope)

One of the ways that I have fought this being a cause for loneliness is by appreciating short-lived emotionally shallow relationships. In other words, since I don't have many people that I create long deep bonds with I enjoy the light friendships that I do get. As one group of people leaves me behind I find another group of people to attempt to bond with briefly until getting left behind again.

To some, that might be a lonely existence but to me its actually just the right level of intimacy. I dont need deep friendships, just people to talk to from time to time.

i hated sunday nights in my last two years of school

I hated Sunday Nights all through school from grades 1 through 12. I knew that I'd have to go back to school the next day and I felt very lonely at school.

I feel your pain, especially on weekends. I often have those days when I feel like I have nothing left in my life but my job and homework. I guess I have the internet to chat if I don't have anyone else to talk to.

I dreaded school in junior high because I was rejected by most of my old friends. Junior high was he worst time of my life. High school is bit better. I have more friends and am involved in a lot of extra-curricular activities that make school fun. High school is getting a bit boring so I'm going to post secondary for my senior year.

Joining some kind of extra curricular if you haven't already helps a lot with the social aspect of high school. It makes finding people who you have something in common with much easier. This can also help ease a lot of the social tensions that are part of being in a place with tons of people such as high school.

I remember an ex-girlfriend stopped taking an antidepressant for several days and it was like the bottom of the bucket dropped out.

'Stopping antidepressants can cause side effects,' Los Angeles Times, Regina Nuzzo, August 03, 2009.
http://articles.latimes.com/2009/aug/03 ... ing-drugs3

Now, this does seem to say that this only happens for some people, some of the time.

Okay, about the practicum, that's the kind of thing people are going to act on the superficial side. And yes, I always find it disappointing to see this kind of thing in practice.

The funny thing is, if you were an artist, say a musician whose last two albums had done well, you'd probably face the opposite problem, where people would really want to talk to you and find out how you'd done, how you thought, how you felt, how you'd approach things. And you might have to have a line rehearsed, 'Now, I am on the spectrum. What works for me may not work for you,' something of that sort. Of course, anything creative and probably things like scientific research, bit of a long shot and often more than a bit, a lot of luck factors and a lot of external factors, and time lag.

In the corporate world, a lot of conformist behavior. And I wish it wasn't this way.

I generally am disappointed with groups and have a theory that only 1 out of 9 groups really work out. Often the leader half resents taking on the responsibility, just wants to do the minimum, other members are 'peopled out,' I think rather view it as going to the movie, are not going there to converse with other people in the theater, that kind of thing. Upshot is, that a lot of groups have 'meetings,' don't do a whole lot else and certainly don't have much forward momentum nor really welcome new members who do.

One option to consider. Maybe largely skip the skills of followship and jump straight to the skills of leadership, which are more straightforward anyway. For example, asking friends/ acquaintances if they'd be interested in a Saturday Sierra Club hike. And maybe with independent activities, ask three people and if two or three say yes, it's a go. If only one, then probably a case of 'let's see if we can get some more people interested.'

Interesting thing tonight, at my league poker (points only), toward the end when the blinds are high and you kind of have to make moves, a man went all in and then began rocking. To the best of my knowledge, the couple of times I've played with the guy, he is neurotypical! But I guess it's enough stress or a certain kind of stress, and neurotypical people can rock, too. (I sometimes stim privately but generally don't rock)

I tell myself it's about engagement, not conformity. That sometimes helps.