I HATE being misunderstood!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

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I know Autism seems to be a very misunderstood condition, which is another reason why I absolutely loathe having it. But when it comes to my anxieties and extreme social phobia, that is where I get misunderstood the most. Yes, anxieties and social phobia does get in the way of being able to do things you could do, and yes I am getting some help, but remember in the UK the government are cutting back all our health services, so it is even harder to get the full support I need for coping as a young adult, and I am not making that as an excuse for anything either - I do want to do these things but I find all these conditions I have very disabling.

The social anxiety and social phobia can be co-morbid, but whether it's typically to do with my AS or not, it's still misunderstood by most people. It's like when there needs to be a task done which involves going out the house and walking to somewhere where you got to queue or wait with loads of other people and having to interact with someone over official purposes, and I'm the only one who is free that day and has no excuse to not do it. It is so awful! It makes me feel guilty for not doing it, and also makes me feel unhelpful, and it gets everybody criticising like saying things like, ''why couldn't you do it? You've been here all day, we were all at work!'' And nobody seems to understand that I have social anxiety and social phobia (even though I express it every day, I don't keep these things bottled up), and walking out alone, waiting somewhere with lots of other people, and having to speak to someone in authority over something official is just very, very daunting for me to do alone. It just is. But nobody understands that. All it is is, ''you're old enough to do these things, you've got a tongue in your head, you are capable, stop being lazy and making excuses, you can't rely on your mum to do these things for you all your life, deal with it.....'' and it goes on and on like that. It causes me shame and guilt, and I was wondering if anyone else here has the same problem and if you get blamed or criticised for having these disabling conditions that you don't ask for?

(And NTs don't lack empathy, they say???)

Unfortunately, most people don't understand anything unless they've gone through it themselves.

Yes, it is pretty much impossible it seems to get people to understand invisible disabilities. They wouldn't even be invisible if I were to walk around with something monitoring my stress level. I think that might possibly nudge people toward understanding. Or maybe I should go out and do these things because overstimulation in the past has caused me panic attacks including fainting, that might prove something to them.

Well, there we go then - that proves that it is a human trait to have difficulties ''putting themselves in other people's shoes'' if they haven't been through it themselves. So it's not just an Aspie trait.

I agree with this.
I think what they mean by that phrase '' other people's shoes'' is ability to understand what others think at the moment. But considering other thing, like understanding how someone feels or what he/she is going through - it takes some effort. I think that I have more empathy then some NT's..truly... I try to avoid hurting anyone.

I also believe it is wrong that how the brain is wired is the only variable that determines behavior; what about personality, what about upbringing? That things matter too.

You have my sympathies, I'm a 39 year old male in Dublin and I've found out the hard way that I have AS, I'm recovering from a Psychotic episode that occurred 3 weeks ago, one of the most despairing and frightening experiences of my life, fortunately I was strong and long in the tooth enough not to kill myself, if this happened to me in my 20's who knows ?, I'm on Medication ( Risperidone ) for the first time in my life and this is helping with the Social Anxiety and ultra sensitivity to my surroundings, I've thought about everything about myself and my life, every person I've ever met and they're reactions to me good or bad, the way I am as a person, why do I feel like I'm trapped in an invisible glass bubble while everyone else around me is having the craic and banter, why are strangers hostile towards me and think I'm gay ( wrong ) or a member of the Traveller community ( wrong again ), why am I unable to muster the wit or social skills to form a persona that flourishes in the world, why do I seethe inside whenever I'm misunderstood or take things too literally? why have I taught myself Dutch, German, French and Spanish for no good reason ? My photographic memory and extraordinary recall of dates and facts, the list goes on and on.

I've decided I'm going to embrace this and be open about it, it not going to go away, only signed up 5 minutes ago to this website.

Hi athacliath72 welcome from Ciarraí hope you find this forum helpful I have been on it for a year a parent. Its a good place to vent and get good advice.


Hi Joe90 my nephew suffers the same way, I have to attend all his appointments with him he just can't manage himself. He will let himself do without if I am not there to take him and no one understands again they think he is just been difficult, lazy and the rest.

Welcome to Wrongplanet, and I have to say the questions you are asking yourself are much the same as they were for me, and you seem to be in the right head space for getting some answer

@joe90 - Hang in there, and just do your best, can't ask for any more You have a good head on your shoulders, your obstacles are real, even if it feels like no one else has the respect for you to stop and notice them. Its hard with family

Social phobia can be more disabling than autism. Before my diagnosis when I was doing my best to be more social I would freeze up and have rushing thoughts because I didn't know why I couldn't participate in a conversation even if I did have something to say. I would have anxiety attacks just thinking about a person (ex-boyfriend - couldn't even go to the city he lived in without having one - I live there now and I'm totally over him).

It's my autistic symptoms that save me from that. My sensory issues are so bad I will shutdown before I notice people and by then I don't care. They can think I'm ret*d for all I care. My medication actually makes me more focused and takes away the sensory issues and the distractions and makes me more anxious, so I don't usually take it if I'm around people. Sometimes I have and the anxiety seeps in.

I get a lot of misunderstanding about my shutdowns, even if people physically see what is happening. I can't look at them even if I wanted to because my head feels so stiff, I can barely speak, barely move and have detached from my environment and so won't respond and have a decrease of emotions, can completely lose them far a short while.

Yes. I'm a very empathetic person, and I'm an Aspie. I don't think empathy or the lack thereof depends on neurology as much as it does how one was raised, or life experiences. I'm much more compassionate now than I was when I was a kid.

I also hate being misunderstood. People twisting my words and inventing intentions that I don't have. And many more. I don't even want to think about it to write about it here.

I can totally relate to being misunderstood. Especially the, "you can't rely on your mom to do everything for you" comments. People who say these kinds of things don't live our lives, don't understand that we can't "just get over it and be a productive member of soceity like everyone else". Sure some of the members here have a job, have a house and pay the bills, but if everyone here had it as easy as many NT's make life seem, we wouldn't be posting life's difficulties on an internet forum.

That happens to me a lot!! ! It's unbeliveable how many times my life has been f*#ked up because people have not understood me and invented some untrue fairy story about me and I've just gone into complete melt down mode, alienated 90% of the people around me and they end up thinking I'm some sort of wild animal!! !

I believe that you truly cannot effectively accomplish the sort of task you have described (running those sorts of errands) and that the cause is not stubbornness. But I'm also pretty sure that your Mum is afraid for you. She is worried about how you will get on when she's gone. She knows that you learn and develop and wants you to learn to be self sufficient in this sort of task eventually.

If you are sure that you can never perform in this way; forget the shame & guilt; they serve no constructive purpose. Open a dialog with your family about your future and negotiate a supportive role you will play in the economy of your home life.

I use the term economy broadly. The family economy includes not just money income, but also; shopping, cooking, cleaning, scheduling, correspondence, laundry; everything that needs care and doing in home and family life. If you are not a substantial contributor in some of these areas, you are cheating yourself of real satisfaction in feeling capable and productive.

If you are already contributing in substantial ways; then negotiate with your family. Show them how, in exchange for them doing for you what you cannot do for yourself; you are working behind the scene to support them while they are laboring in the workplace.

Yes, this is true, how could it be otherwise? Can someone who has never been in the position of financially supporting a family understand the energy & discipline it requires or the stress and often, outright fear, this entails? Understanding and misunderstanding goes both ways. But usually the bonds and love in a family allows for positive negotiation in, even, the most difficult areas.

I used to hear a lot of that but ironically it seems like the older I get, the more people see that I am really not making excuses. I guess they see more and more this is just the way I am.

The biggest problem here is that much of what we on the Spectrum go through is invisible to others. If we had a cane or a wheel chair, they could see that we have a disability. But because there's often no outward signs of our anxieties/phobias/etc., others can't really understand what we are going through. I wish there was an easy answer for you, but there isn't. Perhaps the only thing is to try and explain your situation, hoping to get a sympathetic ear from your colleagues.