My Autistic Fantasy World

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This has been one hum-ding of a year (school year that is---I am a teacher who was reassigned to students I find more challenging than the gifted students I had before). My anxiety is also up. I am finding it difficult to get any work done on my interests like roller coaster models and writing. I am finding myself more quick to get angry at things---but not family. For example, I told someone off on the street recently because they thought I was getting in their way when I wasn't. Last night I dreamed I was helping put people I knew (who had died in the dream) into highly ornate white caskets in a mausoleum that doubled as a concert hall. Today I withdrew into videos off of our online television server on amusement parks out of the past and the 1964 World's Fair---which opened the year I was born, and for some reason I feel homesick for---but yet I was never there. But I feel like I have been, and I miss the place. I can almost cry for the loss of the attractions at the 1964 World's Fair. And now, everyone here at home is in bed, and I have been escaping into my fantasy world of a resort town born out of the autistic mind of me. I often visit my fantasy world, but now I feel like I want to escape into it deeper. I almost long for a double existence---some sort of alternate reality where I can exist there and here---because I love my family, and I don't want to be away from them.

I am finding myself more annoyed by all the people that I come across on the highways, in the stores, and where I work, etc. I wish I could pack up my family and move to some part of the United States away from this jumble of people and cookie-cutter stores that appear in nearly every town. I long for a quiet place to live where I can enjoy nature.

I feel driven by interests. And I have the general outline for two musicals that I would love to complete. I believe I can find the energy to work on those because I can utilize my computer to work on them. It's not like getting out all this material to build models. I can visualize major portions of those musicals in my mind as if they are now memories---as if I had already done them in the past, and I am now remembering them. But they haven't existed before except in my mind.

Are there others of you with autism that can relate to what I have posted? Do some of you have these autistic escapes into things like fantasy worlds? Do any of you with autism find you miss places that you have never been to? Can anyone relate to anything that I have posted here? I am going through such a weird time in my life right now.

I actually miss traveling the galaxy, albeit I've only had dreams and visions. Eh, whenever I get frustrated or distressed, I just hide out in my room all day laying on my bed staring out the window while trying to ease my thoughts. I have no idea how this relates albeit I'm not autistic, just on the spectrum thingamajiggers.

Surely everyone is like this? Although some of our dreams may be more realistic than those of others.

I think everyone has a general idea of a place where they would feel more "at home".

I'd like to live in one of those far-eastern forest mountains, where it rains frequently but is more refreshing than it is cold, the night air is filled with the scent of fairly exotic plants, there's a good clear and unpolluted view of the night sky, and a nice cool fog every morning. Maybe even a little waterfall somewhere nearby too, just to be greedy.

And most importantly, almost complete silence, aside from the rain and the water. Or the occasional animal.

There have been more than a few times when I've completely spaced out for hours just thinking about how relaxing it would be, and yes, "missed" it. Your dream of a resort town seems a little more doable than mine though, unless I take over the universe first.

I'm unsure if this is in anyway similar, but for the majority of my life I've done something called 'playing.'

It's where I sort of retreat to this whole other world (worlds, in fact) that I've fabricated in my mind.
I feel more comfortable there than here.

Most are based off of worlds that I've read about, i.e. Harry Potter, Doctor Who, Star Trek,, etc, but some of them are of my own creation.

I am most successful in zoning out of this world and entering the worlds in my mind if I am pacing, and almost always 'play' inbetween classes, as I travel to my next class.
I also do it in car trips, and when I'm waiting to sleep.

As these worlds are very personal for me, I will not discuss them in full, but I will say that the people in these worlds sometimes seem more real than those in this one.

Thank you (each one of you) for replying to this so far. At least I don't feel alone in this. I know what I am going to do---I am going to try to draft out the New York Pavilion (from the 1964 World's Fair) with its three towers tomorrow in HO scale, and I will add it to my fantasy resort town. I have over three hundred HO scale models (many assembled) that belong in my resort town. I am planning on building an HO scale model of the entire town in my basement. The model of the town will be 26 feet by 24 feet.

Why not take it a step further and build a real 1/1 scale town, and live there?

Or is that already the plan, after the miniature prototype is completed?

I've always had an imaginary world that I've escaped to. It's always been based on whatever special interests I have at a given time. I always imagine being the best of friends with my favorite fictional characters.