Does "doing the right thing" ever bite you in the

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Does doing the right thing ever bite you in the butt rather than give the intended result, such as helping someone else, getting a positive message across, or bringing you closer to humanity?

If so, do you think it relates to Asperger Syndrome or being on the spectrum?

Sometimes, yes. One example: I once pointed out that the electronic fare collection reader on the bus was charging the wrong fare, so I pointed it out to the driver. I got harangued by the driver and laughed at by some other passengers.

Not sure if it's an Aspergers thing, but I am more likely than most people to go along with things I know are wrong.

Define 'the right thing'. As a moral nihilist, I suspect that my answer to this will be no.

I think we can be beaten down to it. For example, I hate confrontation and don't like getting involved or in the middle of someone else's affairs. In the past I have tried to help people with their computer, but my lack of persuasiveness (even knowing it was a simple fix) made it a futile effort.

That sucks what happened to you on the bus. It can really make you feel awful sometimes, can't it I don't know if it's an Aspergers thing either, but the older I get, the more I don't want to get involved and instead just go with the flow.

The "right" thing is whatever you think is the kindest, most humane thing to do.....and doing it, even when doing something more selfish is the path of least resistance.

The problem with 'doing the right thing' is that most people look at the world through a social lens and will readily choose the right social thing rather than just 'the right thing'. Look at kholberg's stages of moral development sometime; the majority of people in the US are stage 3 or 4.

For your convenience: http://faculty.plts.edu/gpence/html/kohlberg.htm

Sure! I'm good at finding problems/weaknesses/inefficiencies in systems (especially computer systems, but not only). However, I tend not to point them out any more unless they affect me personally, because most people take it as some kind of an attack rather than a helpful gesture. That especially applies to reporting security vulnerabilities. The responds tends to be "are you hacking our system?!" If I was, why would I be telling you about it? The sheer stupidity of that question is enough to put me off, never mind the implied hostility. I've also had cases where a cashier gave me too much change and I literally had to argue with them about it. Now I just point it out once and if they still think they're right I just say "OK" and take the extra change. And then people wonder how I got so "cynical".

For me, in the case of helping someone, and I'm talking about in a meaningful sort of situation, I am very selective of who I offer assistance to. Then I think through my helping so that I'm as sure as I can be that I am indeed going to be helping. I believe these precautions can prevent some of the butt biting.

Even so, I have the teeth marks to prove those don't always work.

The times when the response was negative usually became a lesson for me, but also usually made me feel bad, stupid, etc.. If I was too upset I've been known to lash back "Fine! Next time I'll let you drown!" - but knowing myself, the next time there I'd be, throwing the rope out again and giving my warmest blanket. (I know - dork, huh!?)

If I think I can be of help and I feel the person worthy, I would find it tough to not at least try.

A lot of people wouldn't help. Survival of the fittest, don't ya know. And some of those you might help end up using you as a rung on the ladder to better their climb.

So is the helping Asperian? Yes, mostly, but hopefuly not always. There should be some kind NTs too. (probably closet aspies Ha!)

Thanks for that link. New to me, and very interesting

Well it takes courage to stand up to something. Even if society stands on the other side, more people step over to the moral correct thing. Rather than society view, the less harder it will get. As in were the term underdog is used. I would rather stand on the underdog side, most people choose the other.

Doing the right thing bites me in the bum all the time. But if doing the right thing was easy, everyone would do it.

It's not that it's hard, it's that sometimes it pays off socially and other times it doesn't. For example, you have a group of people, one person in the group is arguing with a person outside of the group. The other people in the group know that their guy is clearly wrong, so what will they do? Tell their friend to back off? Hell no! They're going to side with him anyway because they're all afraid of being excluded from the group. This type of thing happens all the time. Sometimes it happens on a very large scale (think Stalinist Soviet Union where exclusion from the group meant death). It's just not in human nature, as a social animal, to do the right thing.

Often. It's depressing.

Makes me wonder if it's really the right thing...

...or if "right," just like "normal" and "sane," is actually defined by consensus.

I suspect it is.

Gee. Maybe THAT'S why I'm bitter...

I would have to disagree. Only manipulative, cowards, bully’s, get one up, do it. Like I always say I would rather have a clear conscious than to surround myself with people like that & this social animal thing, you really need to learn just how much you can manipulate a person, to people not been social animals. Propaganda.

Normally the ones who were just too afraid, normally apologies when no one else is around.

Yes. But you have to take the gamble. As you said, it's the right thing to do.

New and interesting to me, too. I'm totally going to start categorizing people by their Kohlberg moral stage now!