A target for bullies, reluctant to move on in life

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How is one meant to move on in life when they are a target for bullies? Well, not just bullies, but a target for anyone who wants to take the piss or take advantage of? It's making me feel like I just want to crawl away in a hole and never come out.

Everywhere I go I carry this weirdness with me, even though I can hide my AS and everything, there's still something odd there that people can't quite put their finger on, so they choose to ignore or bully or take advantage of me or be bitchy or two-faced towards me, and find me as an easy target. This is making me feel worried of getting a job. I did do voluntary work at a shop for 3 years, and went in almost every day, but after about 2 years I began getting impressions that some of the people there were laughing at me. There was a lot of bitchy people there - and these were grown women in their 50s. But grown women in their 50s can be very judgemental. I don't think some women ever grow out of this, maybe a lot of elderly women do, depending on the person.

Also I'm scared to move out and live on my own. Well, for a start, moving out is a big change, especially if I'm going to move from being with my family to living on my own. I don't think I can handle the change of it, since I am happy in the area where I live; we have a lovely view outside, quiet neighbours, a big garden, and right near the supermarket. If I move out, it'd have to be a flat I move into, and I'm afraid I might jump from the frying pan into the fire - be somewhere surrounded by druggies, who are noisy and have house parties (believe me, that is common in flats around here), and it'd be worse for me. And then I will feel vulnerable because I am a target for bullies so I will probably end up somewhere near horrible rough girls who are on drugs and party all night and claim benefits and never work (yes, there are plenty of them about, I know). I'm already being bullied by a 23-year-old who parties all the time and has guys over and never works and is a nasty person (but is still popular). So people like that put me off.

I am a target for bullies because I give off the wrong body language all the time, and I'm unsure of how to not give off the wrong body language. My social worker says it's OK to be shy, and it's OK to be nervous, and in the adult world people get to know that the world will be a dull place if everybody was exactly the same as eachother....but if only that was really true.

Aspies who have jobs and live on your own or with partners - how do you do it? Are you at risk of getting bullied?

I left the nest when I was 19 years old so I have lived on my own (sometimes with roommates though) for 4-5 years... How I do it? I've noticed that as long as I'm in range of one of my nearest family-member (mom, dad, sister) I'm good... Anytime I feel like it I can always just get on the bus and go to my dad's... Of course, he wants me to tell him before I leave my apartment but I'm always welcome...

Am I a target for bullies? I used to be... It stopped when I seemed more confident than I actually was and because I started to give back what they gave me... I was mostly verbally bullied or ignored... I figured out that if the people around me are meant to be in my life they will treat me with respect and care... If they don't, they are simply not worth my time...

I really hope my response was helpful... And just ask if you want to know more...

I want to comment on the bullying thing. While it is not easy to trust people or even get along with people when you've been the target of bullying, it helps me to realize that bullies will always want to target someone, and so it's not about me. Well, in a sense they will always find flaws with me so in that sens eit is about me, but they would've picked someone else if they didn't have me to pick on. Bullies have a need to bully, so to speak. Don't try to take the blame for others bullying you. Also, you don't carry a sign on your forehead that says "bully me", so try to keep seein ghte good in most people.

As for moving out, I have not been successful at that. Well, I've lived without my parents for six years, but only on my own for three months in 2007. So I can't advise you on that.

I only stopped being a target for bullies after I moved out of the place I grew up. I don't know if that would work for you, but it did for me. Basically, I had a lot of baggage from my childhood and people knew who I was and gossiped about me. Whenever I go back home, I'm always scared of running into certain people in the street. Now I live away from home, where the only people who know me know me as an ADULT, I don't get bullied. I'm still as autistic and socially awkward as ever, but I get treated like a human being.

Don't worry about living in an apartment exposing you to drug addicts. My mom and I lived in apartments for most of my childhood, and there weren't any druggies...well, there was one, but that was because he was engaged to with my mom, and she kicked him out when he refused to get help! We had very little contact with our neighbors, except for one family who also had little kids. Apartments aren't bad at all.

Another option you have is to rent a part of a duplex or rent a small house. If you rent a house, you won't have close neighbors all the time. Don't worry about that.

Well men don't worry me so much, it's other girls who seem to emotionally upset me more. Men tend to leave me alone and not upset me.

I stopped being bullied when I realized that the most they can do to me is say something mean to me or laugh at me, and in those cases I can do it right back at them. I stopped being bullied when I figured out that there were plenty of a**holes who just want to be mean in the world and stopped caring what they thought of me. Giving it right back to them gave me confidence and pretty soon it stopped.

I've never lived on my own because I moved out when I got married, but I haven't ever found it difficult.

Nobody is liked by everyone. Everyone has someone say something mean or laugh at them from time to time. It's always going to happen to everybody. It's learning to deal with it and let it roll off you that's the trick to moving on. I had to mentally tell myself that the person doesn't matter when someone would say something that upset me. At first I noticed no change but over time I started caring less and now I don't care at all. Worrying about a situation and wishing it were different doesn't change anything, changing your reactions to it is what changes the situation for you.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

I joined the military at 22 and haven't looked back.

If people bully me at work, I tell my squadron commander. If people in my apartment complex bully me, I call the cops, or I tell the management office that I'm going to move out unless they fix the problem. Have never really had too much trouble with neighbors though, except one time the people in the apartment next to mine accused me of being a psycho and would bang on my door and window, and make fun of the Buddha statue I keep in the window sill. But, since they thought I was a psycho, they moved out pretty quickly. Problem solved. Dumba$$es.

I'm fundamentally incapable of living with other people, so living with my mother forever was not/is not an option. But that means I'm required to find a way to deal with bullies. If you're content to live with your parents for the rest of your life, I wouldn't worry about it.

Sounds like my kinda place to move to....

That aside though, couldn't you check out different places to move to until you found one you like? I mean if you prefer not to be surrounded by druggies are there any areas or buildings with less of them? Hell I am even in an apartment building right now that at worst probably has a few pot heads living in it but I hardly see that as an issue.