"You can't have AS, you're too charming"

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Anybody ever been told this or something similar? I was told by this doctor who has seen me a total of 3 hours, that I'm too charming and responsive to possible have Asperger's. I told him "That you've seen, it's called acting. I can't keep this up very long and it's NOT the true me." He didn't let me get passed talking about being hyper sensitive and being blunt when he decided I just have heightened senses and that lots of people are blunt, and he wouldn't let me talk about the stimming, meltdowns, extreme black and white thinking, extreme negative reactions to even the slightest changes in plans (such as having to take 5 steps to the right to pick up a cup cause my Mum asked me to bring it into the kitchen, because it wasn't what I have visualized in my head) etc. The fact that it's been very well documented that it can present differently in females was brushed off, too.

He also didn't let me mention that I learned to MIRROR people because I went undiagnosed for 26 of the 27 years I've been alive, and I was constantly being told what was and wasn't "normal" and to stop stimming and stuff. There's also the fact that AS wasn't an official diagnosis until I was 10, anyway, and at that point the only time people thought of asperger's or autism was the most extreme cases out there. Apparently people still think that way after all these years.

He's sending me to a psychiatrist (for ONE appointment) because apparently my therapist, (who is a general practitioner that specializes in psychotherapy) came to the conclusion after almost a year of seeing me weekly, isn't enough in his books- Not to mention that she's seen other AS patients and is forever reading up on it and going to different conferences to learn more about ASD, so I'd think she knows a thing or two about it.

I find it quite insulting not only for me, but for EVERYONE on the spectrum, that someone would say I can't possibly be on the spectrum because I'm charming. Some of the most charming people I know are on the spectrum- Right from the non verbal, off in his own little world 4 year old boy I've been able to watch grow, right to some of the females in my group for females with asperger's and high functioning autism, and everywhere in between.

Can I get some thoughts and opinions on this? Am I letting it bothering me more than I should? I finally feel like I understand myself and someone is trying to take that away from me, I don't know how to respond to it.

That doctor is an ass, get a new one.

I've had similar run-ins. I wish it were legal to give them a good punch to the nose.

Let me tell you I've had not 1 but 2 DX's both confirming AS; one private and one through my state. There is nothing unusual about charm and AS together. People on the spectrum tend to be good at recognizing patterns, and this includes patterns in people. The person with AS may take an analytical approach to charm but the result is the same. When I choose to I can be extremely charming but it's a lot of work for me and it's something I have to actively perform because it's not natural to me. I guess charming aspies use a method similar to charming AsPD people, though the intent behind it is very different.

My teacher thought I was normal, with exemplary concentration skills...

Is that... a good thing?

I've never had someone say anything like that to me, which is frankly very surprising to me. I've never had any trouble making or keeping friends, I'm very adept at humor, and I'm a very friendly person. I have no trouble with small talk or appropriate conversation (although I used to) as I've been able to teach myself these and other social skills. I'm currently working on doing the same with sending and receiving nonverbal cues.

On the surface, I seem much too social for Asperger's, and yet I've never had anyone say "You don't have Asperger's."

Thanks everyone,

I think people with asperger's have the ability to learn how to act, but it's just that.. An act. Some of us have an easier time with it than others, but we can still do it.... Especially when we go undiagnosed most of our lives. I find people on the spectrum to be very responsive as well, which was something he said was part of his reasoning to think that- We're very responsive and reactive, probably more so than most NT's I've found. There are a few things I don't like that he's said, but there are many things I do like, which is part of why I can't just leave him as a doctor right now.. I'll just have to figure out how to take off my "social mask" when I meet this psychiatrist, and next time I go to an appointment with him.

I'd love to hear more thoughts and opinions on the matter!

I've been told by a psychologist and psychiatrist (same place) that I can't possibly have Asperger's because my eye contact is too good and I communicate so well. Yes, in that "Enclosed Environment" I've been to counseling on and off for years. It's my "comfort zone." As I told them, out in the "real world" I can act normal for a while, then I melt down.

I was told by a neuropsychologist years ago that I am on the Austic Spectrum; most likely Asperger's. I didn't get it in writing, which I regret.

I'm going to a new counselor and probably won't even mention ASD for a while. Instead I plan to go to a psychiatrist that specializes in diagnosing autism in adults for diagnosis only but will stick to my regular counselor. It took me a long time to find a psychiatrist in my state that diagnose adult autism. I did it by googling and I finally found more than one, to my surprise!

I feel like this has the connotation of the behavior not being sincere; I've taught myself all these skills because I enjoy interacting with people, and I want to be able to communicate better with them. To say that's an act makes it seem like my motivation for learning social skills is simply to stick out less rather than to improve communication.

(Not saying that's what you were trying to say, just pointing out it might have that connotation).

Thanks for pointing that out. What I'd meant is more that even though we learn things, we still have to work harder to recall every little social rule we've learned, when it typically comes naturally to an NT. Regardless of whether or not it's to feel more normal or to just interact more smoothly and better communicate with them. No matter what the reason, we still have to be taught, and recall much more than them because it's not something that comes naturally.

I get it. I've been told that I am an NT by my therapist, all the on-line tests say I'm an NT. So how come almost everything the Aspies on here say here feels so familiar?

I've been told by my therapist I have Social Anxiety Disorder, and have been in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for a little over a year. They teach social skills and I pass for normal pretty well. But sometimes I am too tired or depressed to socialize. It's then I realize what hard work it can be for me.

From what I've noticed. People want to shove people with autism into a confinement of stereotypes.

If you've shown any progress they don't want it to be autism because in their minds, you aren't supposed to outgrow and once autistic always autistic. Keeping news stories full of the worst case examples or just children who haven't developed coping skills provides shock value and if they show people who have risen above these stereotypes, it strikes fear in those who want all autistic people to stay in their shell to keep making money.

If you've overcome alot of it without professional help watch the faces of people who quickly want to shut you up. It's all about profit and less about actual help.

There is this theme of the forever a burden when it comes to autism.

NTAndrew, without knowing you if you relate to people with aspergers, you have been told you are rigid, have certain routines that others find strange, you don't pick up on social cues and answer most everything quite seriously and you have had problems with theory of mind empathy yet you are successful or even attractive psychologists or psychiatrists will just look at your success or attractiveness and quickly pass you off as "normal". The truth is, they don't want aspies to be neither so it's kind of a set up.

For example if you ever met someone with autism who was attractive and weren't stereotypical of what is shown on tv, would you believe the person really had autism even though they have traits or would you think the person learned coping skills and learned how to survive in this NT world which is right now quite narcissistic?

Most people jump to the conclusion the person doesn't have autism at all if the person is attractive, caring and is successful meanwhile there are people with autism who have become successful but society doesn't want to reveal that and will instead undiagnose the person.

That really sucks.

I agree. Get a new doctor. Einstein supposedly has Aspergers and he was quite witty and charming.

I've gotten this kind of reaction :"you communicate too well to have AS" , one ignorant person even told me I was "too smart" to have AS. I've never heard this from a doctor before though......definitely get a new one!

I took up acting years ago just so that I could use the skill to fit in better. I find that it is a survival skill for dealing with the NT world. Sounds like you (and others in this topic line) have done something similar. Be what you want to be at a given time/situation, whether it is following social cues or doing your own thing.

I'm going through the hassle of getting assessed over the next while, and I sort-of worry whether this will happen.

I sort-of wonder whether diagnoses should really be done externally. I mean, I compare it to identifying as homosexual. No-one can rationally say 'no you're not.' to you after you identify as homosexual, I mean how could they know better than you? It's surprising to me how quickly your agency disappears when 'mental illness' is worked in and there's a power structure/ institution involved. Given how high functioning people with Asperger's are, most adults with it should be able to determine if they do themselves with some careful consideration as-well or better than an analyst with a psychology degree could in a few sessions (with the advantage of existing within the mind being scrutinized) . . . so it's sort-of strange that you can't just make the psychologist your b***h and be like, "now this is what i want you to write."

I think that psychologists can get stuck in the 'disease of the mind' pardigm, where Asperger's always came across to me as more of a personality type. The word on the diagnosis is 'disorder', and it's sort of ambiguous/ difficult to tell whether that means like, a mind that operates differently, or a mind that malfunctions/operates badly. And I should hope they mean differently, since the other one is fairly problematic.

Given that this diagnosis is an affront to what you know, and your identity by this point, you should definitely advocate for your own agency through this guy or by whatever other means. I don't really know much about Psychologist/ patient dynamics though, just alot about LGBT rights, so I'm surprised you and your identity don't have more weight here.

(BTW this is exactly why transgender people want themselves out of the DSM)