Tips for pretending to be NT

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To get things straight, I absolutely hate this practice. NT is just not me, and pretending to be NT is tiring, boring and serves no obvious purpose other than to get me whatever I needed in the first place (I gain nothing from the conversations, the conversations have no discernable purpose other than to judge, put down and laugh at people). But sometimes, it just has to be done. So what would you give as advice for pretending to be NT? This isn't a social rule book, more of a how to pretend you're following a social rule book you don't understand.

In a group:

Watch carefully for any sign of group laughter. I don't usually find NT jokes funny, and don't know when to laugh unless I do this. If this is not done, I appear weird and humourless.

Using a smartphone while hanging around a group seems to be socially acceptable in informal situations, so long as you acknowledge the speaker occasionally. In fact this seems to help me concentrate on what a person is saying, and people don't seem to mind it, as opposed to disliking other forms of avoiding eye contact.

If you are not looking at your phone, acknowledge direct eye contact somehow.

One on one:

Make eye contact, but dont stare. I have difficulty with this one. I think this has something to do with moving your eyes a bit, and not always looking at the speaker, but frequently looking back. Try to focus on this completely, hopefully at the expense of the sensory input of a noisy situation.

Try to follow what this person is saying. As NTs seem to avoid the point quite spectacularly, instead of paying attention to every word, make a list of relevant points discarding useless information. You will often be expected to guess the point, sometimes immediately, and sometimes you will just be left to figure out what they wanted afterwards. Either way, the list of relevant information should help with this.

(I think this is right, but I'm not sure) If someone stops speaking and looks at you, they may be expecting you to laugh. Review the latest piece of relevant information (if you were able to do this) and if it involves someone in an awkward or embarrassing situation, its probably supposed to be humours. If it involves death, romance or work, a sincere 'that sucks' comes in handy. If in doubt, use the latter.

Being told off:

Try not to laugh. This is a bad one.
Apologise at any given interval.
Apologise and promise not to do it again. It doesn't usually matter if you know what you've done, they don't usually want to know.
If they ask why you did it, stress is usually a good answer.

Smiling gets its own subcategory:

Smile at the opposite sex.
If you are male, avoid smiling at men. There are times and types of smile when this is okay, but I don't know what they are.
In formal situations avoid smiling unless you are good at it, as often it can lead the other party to think you are being to familiar. Dont frown either.

i don't think too many people can identify aspies anyway. act like you don't know the terms 'nt' or 'aspie', first of all. second of all, try to think how knowing you're aspie has made your life different, and try to think what would you have done if you hadn't been aware of your asperger's. there are a lot of people that I can swear are aspies, but pass as nt to other people.

Last edited by Bun on 05 Mar 2012, 7:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

What I do to avoid being seen as different in bigger groups is that I use the first 15-20 mins to observe the people that I'm with if it's the first time... That of course make me seem shy but it's better than being seen as an outsider... In those 15-20 mins I try to figure out how these people interact and I try to mirror this... Having more than 15 years of practice also helps on the speed of the observations and the ability to mirror what I see...

When I'm alone with one or more people I just act like myself... I have been asked why I'm avoiding eye contact and here I just told the truth; that I don't feel comfortable with it... Most people actually just accept this statement... Of course, if it's a job interview or anything important like a meeting I try to focus between the eyes so it seems like I have eye contact but really don't... Nifty little trick my dad taught me once...

One last thing I've thought about lately is that I'm beginning to mirror my mother according to random people... Like the cashier in the Supermarket... I make a fun comment on some small detail with a half of a smile and usually make the cashier smile too... Been a cashier myself once I know that these small unimportant comments can save a bad day when you really don't wanna be at work... I haven't yet met a cashier who didn't wanna talk back at me...

That last thing is something that's become a kind of habit seeing that I usually always went shopping with my mom when I lived at home... I observed and in the first many years I was envious of her that she could do this... But then I tried myself and been doing that ever since... Of course, I don't do it every time I go shopping but sometimes... Especially when I'm in a good mood...

i have foumd being a unibersity student if i say up front when i 1st meet a pefson i say i amsocially awkward, if tehyre nt or not tthey usually say " naa, ypu seam good at this, im more socially awkward." which i find odd it kinda puts both people on an even pLaying field then. i dont mension asperegeers unless they hring it up themselves.

Yeah, they pass as NT because they are aspies. If they had a more severe form of autism, people would notice because they know it exists.

Mh, what do I try to do...

Most of the time, I just hide away. XD But when I have to be with other people, I try to keep as much information from them as possible. I try to look at them and pretend I feel good. Um, yes. Everything else happens in my room and on the internet. And most of all, in my head.

I have pretended to be a NT all of my life until about 2 years ago when i decided enough was enough. My family is not accepting of any illness, physical or mental (or in this case, neurological). They feel that God will fix everything and that everyone has a choice in every single decision you make in life. When they found out I have AS they did not want to me to EVER bring it up, especially in front of anyone. I think it is due to embarrassing rather that God giving me a choice. My poor brother just announced he is gay this week to the family and they are telling him the same BS about it being a choice.

Anyway, my point is, they were right about one thing: I did make a choice. Not to ever listen to them again. And better yet, accept myself for who I am and move on. I "came out" 2 years ago to everyone else in my life (co-workers, friends, my husband). Some people looked at me like I was even crazier, if that's possible. But, to my surprise, most of them were a little relieved. What I mean by that is they now knew I wasn't acting like this on purpose. And my husband has been so understanding it scares me sometimes.

I wish and hope my family will accept me one day, along with my brother. Before coming out it was extremely exhausting for me to act like a NT. I had no idea what I was doing and probably came off weirder than I do now. I am also less stressed and don't think about how I am coming off so much anymore. I think because I don't try so hard now I am better behaved with my episodes.

The biggest tip I can offer? Learn to put up with a lot of BS and don't let anything bother you. Ever. This is how to function well in society.

Why don't we just educate the population about our differences and the misunderstandings they cause, so we don't have to copy NTs. Acting 24/7 induces stress and anxiety.

I see your point and somehow I agree... But this takes time... And a lot of resources... And at some point some people still won't understand... That's how it is with a lot of mental diagnoses... Personally I do my part of spreading the knowledge and it sometimes feel like a war... For instance, I can't get my sister - my own sister - to understand... She just closes her eyes and pretend that I can do anything she does... But I'll keep fighting and every time a NT asks me about my AS I answer as well as I can... But I won't force people to listen... If they don't wanna hear about it, fine... That's not my problem... But it would be easier if they just would listen...

Oh how I wish this could be possible. I don't know how it would work but if it could happen... that would be so ideal.

Because then we'll be discriminated again by people who actually know what we are.