How to stop abnormal psychological introspection?

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G'day again,

I have one more question related to an OCD style symptom if someone has knowledge on this subject and could assist?

I am going through a severe anxiety crisis lately, and the one symptom that I believe is the worst is what I call my abnormal psychological introspection.

It is basically like an OCD obsession, my mind is focused inwards on every psychological aspect of my psyche that comes to my awareness as I am functioning, and sort of sees it as abnormal and attaches anxiety to it (hope that makes sense). It is like looking at something with broken glasses to use an analogy. Or looking into a mirror that reflects into another mirror and you are looking into almost infinity. It is really frightening to me because I believe that the functions that I am aware of are not supposed to be examined. Almost like the workings of a black box.

The aspects that I might notice as an example are - the way my mind functions in time, how we are only in the present and how the mind looks into the past and future, inside the mind using memories. Conversations with people and how the intellect and learnt behavior influences the conversation. How the self functions almost automatically at times and attaching fear to that (feeling like I have no real control over myself etc).

Sometimes as I am abnormally introspecting I have a panic attack from the sheer horror of it and as the anxiety washes over me I can feel the train of thought slowly turn into 'nonsense' from the adrenaline and I have an even worse panic attack.

I do not know if this symptom is purely psychological or it is biological from the current chemical imbalance in my brain from the anxiety crisis and ocd/aspergers.

One thing I do know is how this 'faulty thought process' developed. I am very sensitive for starters. I started off years ago with hypochondria, I was aware of every ache and abnormal sensation in my body and blew it out of proportion thinking I had some serious disease. Then I developed neurological hypochondria, and started analyzing my memory to make sure I wasn't losing it. At this time I developed depersonalisation/derealisation. Then my OCD attached anxiety to all this, I studied some philosophy in a night course and I obsessed about the concept of mind. Then it all evolved into it's current form if that makes sense. It is almost a kind of 'mind' hypochondria I suppose you could say. I would take physical hypochondria back over this any day! There is no distraction from it.

I am worried I am going to go insane from this. That it is doing permanent harm to my mind/sense of self. Man if I could hypnotize myself to FORGET about this 'faulty thought process' - and ALL the horrible memories it has created I would do it right now.

I should note that when I am 'well', or functioning normally, the abnormal psychological introspection is almost gone and when I start obsessing about an active psyche aspect I can 'feel' my mind shut off the thought process before it begins automatically.

I hope this sort of makes sense. If anyone gets me, how can I eliminate this faulty thought process? It doesn't seem to do ANY good. Will meds help or some sort of psychological therapy, hypnosis, EMDR etc?

Meditation (and Zen meditation, in particular) addresses the exact problem you are having. It involves observing the workings of the mind, as you have already started to do, while remaining unattached to the thoughts that arise and not identifying with them. The relaxed, alert state cultivated in meditation by stillness and regulated breathing keep the panic you describe from happening on the physical level. You might try checking the 'net for meditation classes in your area and/or checking out some books on the subject.

On the intellectual level, you might try investigating the area of cognitive science in order to understand how your brain/mind work together. There is some good stuff about the effects of "thinking about thinking" in Douglas Hofstadter's book _I Am a Strange Loop_.

I have that problem. I basically live in my mind and start making myself go crazy thinking about psychology and comparing it to myself. I used to hyper-ventilate and start shaking or I'd nod off into my own little world lost in my thoughts. As mentioned above, you can meditate, keep busy doing fun things with your friends and try and stay positive.

Everyone occasionally takes a "tour" of their anatomy, including how their brain functions. We all--NTs as well as us on the spectrum--have a natural curiosity about how we "work". In slow moments of the day, or while relaxing in the evening we sometimes pause to note the way our hands work, or how walking works, etc. because it is interesting to some extent. We also do this regarding how our brains work, both the basic biological functions, and the more abstract functions of the mind, like pondering self, or past/present/future, etc. Wondering at the marvel of how we function is not abnormal. However, getting obsessed and anxious about it does indicate a problem. You do mention a history of hypochondria, and the current symptoms you relate, appear to be related to that. You may need to consult with a doctor for therapy and/or meds if you can't stop obsessing and getting anxious from this form of introspection. However, there are some things you can do to help yourself. First you need to remind yourself that everyone wonders and marvels about the way we function--that this is normal. Then you need to do stuff to keep yourself distracted and occupied.

- Listen to and/or play music.
- Exercise--the endorphins generated will boost your mood.
- Take courses, either in person or online--some online ones are free.
- Take up a hobby.
- Read funny stories--laughter generates endorphins, too.
- Volunteer with charities--there are people out there that are worse off than we are. It helps to be reminded of that.
- Join a club.
- Surf the I-net.
- Play games.
- Watch funny shows on TV/DVDs.

The key here is to keep distracted and occupied, but you may still need some professional help, too.

Again, don't do meds. Meds will not help you transcend this phenomenon that seems to be happening to you right now.

I've been in a similar situation. I used to believe all the terrible things my mind would conjure up. Terrible nightmares basically of objectification (in my mind) of others and myself. It's like a sort of psychological and pseudo-scientific reductionism that my mind does. And yours too.

I really identified with the part you mentioned about the analysis of psychological structures that "you're not supposed to see (or analyze). And this causes fear in you.

The good news is you're NOT crazy. There is a solution to this problem and it's the only tried and true one that I know. I've tried many. Most if not 100% of the ideas, psychological stories, and concepts that your mind conjures up are illusions. You need to do mind-meditation. Where you sit quietly, completely still in a comfortable chair and observe your mind. Just sit back and watch your mind do its thing. It won't and can't hurt you. Start out with 5 minute sessions each day, then go on to 10 mins , then 15 minutes, then ....

You will see that identifying with your thoughts gives them reality over you. And when you give illusions (crazy thoughts) your power , then you have given your mind the power to drive you crazy. Remember , you are NOT your mind. You are much more than your mind. And existing outside your mind will open the floodgates for being at peace, enjoying your being (which is filled with joy and the feeling of well being).

It takes practice and persistence, and sacrifice (to give up the mind). You don't have to suffer if you don't want to.
Remember, start out slow. If you feel you don't make progress, nevermind that feeling and keep going with the mind-meditation practice. It would be helpful if you can find someone near you to teach you or practice with. But it's not necessary.

Best Wishes for you

I spend a hell of a lot of time introspecting and analysing myself, kind of medicalising myself, looking for signs of pathology and unhealthy habits. A counsellor seemed concerned that I was trying to dredge up way too much bad stuff, too thick and fast, without regard for my capacity to cope with the information. I've noticed that sometimes I've failed to follow through on my insights, instead I've just focussed in stark horror at the bad light they've cast onto my self-image, and been completely unable to get past that realisation and look for a solution. I'm sure that for anybody not fascinated by psychology and the dynamics of relationships, I would seem pretty weird.

But I can't say I've felt the horrors that you feel. In fact, despite what I've said above, I still believe that a reasonable amount of the right kind of honest introspection is important for developing coping strategies and a better life. I suspect I do it way too much, but I think the only disadvantage in my case is that other things in my life don't get thought about as much.

If it's upsetting you that much, you probably need to bring it under your control. It's practically impossible to stick to a resolution not to think about a thing, so I'd advocate looking for alternative things to distract your mind. A good special interest, some moderately challenging, practical task might absorb you long enough for you to get a break from the inward analysis game. And you might be able to learn how to tell yourself "don't go there" when you are heading off in that direction - with a bit of luck, the punishing thoughts that you get when you analyse yourself too much will help to ward you off........generally speaking, people eventually find it hard to keep doing a thing that brings them little but pain.

The other possibility would be to talk some of your introspective thoughts out with a supportive friend or by posting your ideas on WP. It might not work if your ideas are too personal and hard to communicate, but if you can manage to reach out in that way, then maybe somebody could help to talk you down. It's unlikely that your basic self is inherently awful......I always declare myself not guilty as long as my behaviour hasn't badly hurt anybody. Beyond that, what goes on in my bonce is simply what it is, and whatever it says to me, I can still step outside myself and see that I'm still functioning pretty normally.

The nearest thing to what you are getting, that I know of, was a friend of mine who was often in a strange state where she'd be lost in her own thoughts.....she would occasionally jump in apparent horror at something she'd just realised, something to do with her past experiences and her new interpretations of them.....if I asked her what specifically she had discovered, she was completely unable to specify, apart from the occasional comment like "I used to be in a lot of danger, I didn't realise I was being manipulated." We never got to know the "who, why, how, where and what" of any of it. I hope you're not similarly trapped in a nightmare inner world that's so far removed from typical human thought that it cannot be communicated. The lady I described had a lot of other problems - poor assertiveness, anger management trouble, some alarmingly rigid beliefs even when all the evidence pointed the other way, persecutory delusions about a supposedly super-powerful group of enemies, delusions of grandeur (she thought she was the queen), a bizarre compulsive ritual - burning pieces of a "threatening" letter (about loft insulation) in the lving room, narcissistic tendencies, and apparent total failure of compassion. I seemed able to help a bit at first, but drifted out of my depth and ultimately did little good. Anyway I hope your problems aren't as severe as hers were.

PS I agree with pddgalore about trying to let go of the mind. I'm definitely too much into my own head, and would probably benefit from being taken out of myself by focussing more on what's happening out there instead of taking my every thought so seriously.

Thanks to everyone for the advice and thoughts!

I know that I belong here now, no-one on the standard mental health forums were able to understand or answer my question.

I will investigate Zen meditation. I have a book on it that I just received oddly enough but I am going to find a temple and chat to the abbot.

Thanks again.

I've been in the 'maddening loop.'

Why one can be so compartmentalized when viewing the self-self is strange to me in and of it self. In this abnormal Modus, you have the ability to predict or recognize your falterings as they come your way. It's way too heavy for the mind.

In my normal Modus, I'm one for introspection and use meta- cognition to learn-- and I'm very self aware-- so maybe folks that are this way and have a disorder make this to be this way.

I'm one to believe that anxiety is the source of this and it is chemical or organic, and it is going to take something chemical or organic to reset this properly. Of course, there are distractions ( as mentioned) that can allay it and other self therapies.

But it's difficult to pull yourself up by your bootstraps because the problem is inherently with your faulty bootstraps (neurons).

I think the problem is (abnormal) anxiety coupled with a 'normal' introspective ability.

Meds are probably the long term key.

Maybe not the entire explanation, but...

Hypochondriasis?

Hey, I do that. Is that an aspie thing?