I tried spontaneous social interaction, Now I'm confused...

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Tonight I got out of my monday lab class early at 4:40 and I rushed my way thru dinner before the 5 o'clock crowd came into the dinning hall with all their noise and movement to put me on edge.

As I got back up to my room, and was unlocking my door, the guy living kiddie corner to me emerged out of his room with an enormous boquet of flowers. As I unlocked my door, I tried to engage is so called "small talk"

Me - "Somebody's getting a valentine..."

Guy - "Huh??"

Me - " I see somebody is getting a valentine"

Guy - (apparently confused) "...No, I'm just the delivery guy..."

Me - (Now I'm confused) "...I'll take your word for it"

Guy - "Ok"

Now I'm confused about this... I don't know what to make of my neigbhors response. I run it through in my brain and I come up with several possibilites

1. He is a delivery man, which was my first thought since it was a literal interuptation of his response which is what I tend to do when I recive unexpected responses from others. I was expecting him to say something along the lines of "Oh Yea!". But his unexpected response was what left me confused since he wasn't dressed like a delivery man and he came out of his room.

2. He meant it as a play on words, as in "I'm just DELIEVERING these to my girlfriend".

3. It was a veiled insult hurled my way at my apparent ignorance or pointing out the totally obvious.

4. It was an attempt at humor that went over my head.

Of course I didn't get a chance to see the reaction on his face since I never made eye contact with him which leads me to think that...

5. His response was in confusion to my abnormal attempt to interact with him.

This is weakness in my current social model. When ever someone responds in a way I don't expect, I get totaly lost as what to say next. In my case I was lucky enough that I could resort to using a canned response to close out a failed conversation. And even I'm not sure if my response was what he was expecting to hear.

Any help?

I've had this same (well similar) coversation myself many times with similar results. I don't understand even the concept of small talk at all, so I'm going to struggle to help you with this one, matey. My own attempts at small talk are generally much more disastrous than your example, and usually lead to responses of, at best "errrrmm.... yeah....." or, at worst "what the **** are you talking about?".

I don't know if I can help or not, Scoots, as I just figured the person you were talking to was in fact a delivery guy, and no other options even came to my mind.

I find that I can make my way through conversations best by asking questions. That will usually get the other person talking, and instead of assuming things which may be incorrect, it conveys that I am interested in them. I can also find if we have anything in common in this way, and possibly contribute information or opinions on topics that I am knowledgeable about.

Do you mean Caddie corner? Or is that some new kind of Nursery?

kiddie corner, caddie corner, what ever it's called, it's the door across the hall and to the left of mine.

Not from me! Sounds exactly like the kind of exchanges I have with people when I attempt "small talk."

My reasonably educated guess, and yes it comes from study, not inuition, is that he was just joking back. It seems to me that you successfully engaged in small talk!

Edit: For some odd reason I left out the word "it" in the first sentence.

Last edited by Tim_p on 15 Feb 2005, 12:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

Fight fire with fire! Next time, try making them into the confused ones. Start out by telling them "watch out, the walruses are out in force today" and see what happens.



Disclaimer: don't really do this.

Yes, but the shark keep scaring them back. Hammerheads, always butting into other peoples and walruses business.

So what was the gist of the conversation, as I am lost now. Was it you or him getting valentine? Or did I still miss the concept of the subject of the delivery?

I know how you feel, Scoots. I've tried to make conversation, and give up because I'm obviously saying the wrong thing, people get confused and whatnot. It's terrible.. I'm really sorry. [/quote]

Yes, Scoots, it's confusing. I've been there. From what I can make it, he was joking.

Small talk is difficult.

Sometimes I find myself in downright insulting situations. My wife and I bump into someone somewhere and that fellow would only talk with my wife, as if I didn't even exist.

Other times, when we meet someone new and when my wife and I are invited to someone's place, I find the host is silent and I'm left with having to make conversation.

How would you handle these kind of situations? Should I just decline all social events? Or is there some other way?

I am as confused as you are. If he's doing deliveries (as a sort of extra income on Valentine's perhaps?) why is he keeping the flowers in his room?

He *may* have misheard you however, and thought you said "Somebody's GOTTEN a valentine", perhaps thinking you meant HE got the flowers FROM SOMEONE ELSE.

You *may* also have misheard HIS response, he might have said "I am just delivering them"[to his girlfriend].

It certainly would make more sense that way.

This is just the sort of interaction I find myself involved in virtually every time I attempt small talk. I say something I think is relevant and along similar lines to what other people say and I am met with confusion. People replying with an irritated 'what?' or pulling faces at me. I have pretty much given up trying. I can go for days without speaking at all except to my three-year-old (and myself ). I don't know why I get it so wrong, so can't offer any suggestions.

I gave up small talk a long time ago. I always end up

DITTO! I find myself stumbling through conversation all the time. Most people I know know that i am AS everyone else thinks i am a loser or ret*d.

WOW ! How did you manage to have all the smileys to blink at the same time ?







- This is an example of things i would say to start a small talk, with humour. Almost each time though, they think i'm serious (and seriously ret*d !). Please tell me, what did you think first when you read it ?