Why do we have to apologise for who we are?

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The title kind of explains it. It's constantly being suggested to me that I should explain to people about my Aspergers, and at the same time it's expected that I should be apologetic about my Aspie character traits.
Why should I have to apologise for who I am? It's not fair. NTs don't have to apologise to me for speaking metaphorically and confusing me, or for being too noisy, or for changing plans last minute.
Why am I automatically the one in the wrong?

Because we're in the minority and anything in the minority is wrong. I remember in 7th grade, a girl apologized to me about her arm because it was so disfigured it grossed me out but it wasn't her fault.

It's not apologising for who you are, it's apologising for misunderstandings. Aspies can come across as a***holes without realising it.

Because they don't see those things as a wrong thing, just like how we don't see what we do as the wrong thing.
And because we're the minority we're the ones whom are 'wrong'.

If you do this all the time... People will take advantage of this.




This "rule" works for everybody.

It could be that we may hurt somebody emotionally on accident with out realizing and it would be even more mean to not apologize

This ^^^^

It's not about being in the minority and simply being seen as wrong in other people's eyes.

It's about smoothing over misunderstandings. There is nothing wrong with apologizing for misunderstandings. Misunderstandings are the responsibility of BOTH parties to rectify. Apologizing isn't about admitting wrong doing. It's about letting others know we are aware that some things we do naturally can be misunderstood. It's about not putting the blame on everyone else, not necessarily about putting the blame on ourselves.

It's the polite thing to do. We don't have to apologize for being who we are, but if it's done right it helps facilitate smoothing over relationships to express regret for the occurrence without placing blame on either party. Being "sorry" something happened, isn't the same as placing fault on yourself or the other person.

You want the world to treat you well and it is under no obligation to do so. That means you have to either try and suck up or create convincing reasons for it to leave you alone, like everyone else.

Even then there is still no magical universal law of kindness that is going to spare you from any difficulties. The world is an omnivorous monster and you're just as suitable for being devoured as anyone or anything else it sets its sights on.

Yes. I think it's just like the person who said to me, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ignore what you said. But I'm deaf in that ear. Could you move over to the other side and repeat it please?" That wasn't an apology for being a partially deaf person. It was an apology for seemingly ignoring what I just said.

You shouldn't have to be apologetic.

You do have to explain sometimes, because otherwise there are communication problems. NTs read each other with the expectation that the person they're reading has a typical brain. Because you don't, they'll misread you if they don't know that you have an autistic brain instead of a typical one. But this is a matter of communication, NOT apology. You are giving them information they need to understand you.

You may not even have to say you have autism. You can just say specific things like, "I'm really introverted; I like spending time with people in quiet places and small groups. Loud parties just aren't fun for me." Or, "Yeah, I know I don't look you in the eye much. I'm not really that shy; it's just hard for me to listen and look at the same time. I guess I have problems with multitasking." The specific things help NTs more because that lets them see where you're different so they can adjust their expectations of what you mean when you say and do things.

We don't.
I do apologise and explain what I actually meant when someone gets hurt by anything I said, though.

This seems like more reason to become a nihilist.

Or it's just a reason why we are sometimes forced to apologise.

Sometimes it's better to just get uncomfortable things over and done with instead of worrying about how unfair everything is.

But then sometimes it is also fun to just completely refuse to apologise and watch everything turn to s**t just to piss everyone off.

It depends on the kind of situation.

I agree with the first statement, that sometimes it's better to just do it. But why is pissing people off fun for you?

I mean, I'm willing to do it if I think it needs doing. But it's never been fun.

Yeah I try not to do that, but sometimes it seems like things will turn to sh** anyways, so eventually I just have to say f*** it, and do what I want regardless of how it makes everyone else feel or how I think it will make them feel. I am rather sick of trying to live up to other peoples expectations and I feel like by doing that I only waste my life.

^This. I've hurt so many people without meaning to, or even realizing I've done so until their reaction tells me I've done as much. If I could change whatever it is in me that causes me to do these things I would, but I can't. Apology is generally insufficient, but it's the most I can muster, so I owe it to the people I've offended.