I Shouldn't Have Said That

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I'm beginning that I need to shut my mouth at times. Somehow Temple Grandin came up in conversation and that lead me off to being on the spectrum. People gave me a weird look because I have done what I can to "be normal". I know at times it doesn't seem apparent, but last night I basically had a meltdown and was extremely overwhelmed about internet. That's my life right there. My whole life is on the internet and I can't really do much without it. It led to some very er spectrum decisions during an emotional state unable to control what I am doing. I mean I could, but I set my mind to something and need to point it out to make me feel better I guess. Anyway, they don't seem to realize how hard I try to keep my filter on. It's a very tiring affair for me. I was actually at the point of passing out on Saturday because I had spent basically 6hrs socializing and working. But I wish I could transport time and not tell them what I said. Especially since one of them has a kid with some issues themselves. I should have just shut up and said I didn't like Temple Grandin.

Anyone else in the same boat of regret?

All most two and a half years ago, I was at a New Years Eve party downstairs in the rec room. I've mentioned that I hate Jenny McCarthy. One of the women there asked me, "How can you be so full of hate? Think about all the little kids who feel that there is something wrong with them." I told her, "Autism Speaks does not speak for me." She said, "That's different. You're an adult." That woman was in her 60s, so she saw things differently than I did. I've spent the rest of the night wishing I didn't say that, and I've talked about it in The Haven.

There have been times where I said something that I later wished I hadn't bothered saying anything. Like this one time almost 4 months ago I said something about someone to that someone because I didn't know who they were and they seemed surprised and shocked and acted like it wasn't true and I was so embarrassed and agonized over saying that for months. Then within a few months after saying that they got in trouble for it and I then knew it was true which makes me wonder were they really that ignorant, just in denial, or just not wanting to admit it? It made me feel a little better about what I said.

The person I said it to probably forgot I said it and never thought about it again, unlike me that agonized over it for months.

I posted my own similar topic last year:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt164239.html

I'm the opposite, I am too afraid to say anything because I am afraid of having a consequence and saying the wrong thing. Then later on I get mad at myself for not saying it because I then feel dishonest or for being too shy.

I also hate it when I say things and they come out wrong. I feel more comfortable if I am around people that know me, then I say more things.

If I had a pound for every time I've said something I've later regretted I wouldn't still be buying lottery tickets! And I'm sure there's plenty more I should regret but am blissfully unaware of to this day! The people who really matter in my life realise that my heart is in the right place and forgive my indiscretions (although that doesn't absolve me from apologising when I realise I've put my foot in it).

I've said and written things that are downright embarrassing.