Aspergers and communication skills

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Are there others out there who have problems with communication. In most cases I have a horrible time communicating with others. I either can't figure out what in the world to say or I talk in way too much detail and way to much about a topic. I am working with my therapist but still struggle. In talking to my wife I just get frustrated to such a point where I just shutdown. Are there others out there who have the same problem and what are some of the things that you do?

This sounds a lot like me some days. Are you like this everytime you communicate with people or does it vary day to day? I was trying to figure out if there was a trigger but it seems pretty random.

I have trouble sometimes. My wife frequently does not like my topics of conversation.

I'm good at keeping people talking if they have something to share, but what I'm thinking and what I'm saying or hearing don't all translate well.

How do you mean? Do you talk about a subject without realising what you are talking about? Or mistake what people are talking about for something completely differnt? I do these things and it really weird me out sometimes

It's just a general style of thinking. I might have a very good mental impression of what I'm feeling, but struggle to select either any set of words or just one set of words to describe it. In writing fiction I'll have a very clear and complex mental impression, but may struggle to put it on a page or only have disconnected scraps that are connected to words and phrases. Speaking, writing, and thinking are all very different in my head and it's hard to go back and forth between them sometimes.

Same for remembering and describing something. I'll see a memory of putting something together mainly in terms of what parts looked like, spatial sense, and where parts moved, while the words for describing this to someone else may be completely new elements of it.

I do mishear words sometimes, though, and it is weird.

Last edited by downbutnotout on 14 Jan 2015, 7:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It usually is an everyday occurrence. A lot of times I say things that are out there totally random and sometimes inappropriate not in a horrible way just very blunt. The filter from brain to mouth is nonexistent! Plus at times I just draw a blank on anything to say at all. It is so frustrating! That is when I shutdown and pull to myself. It is like my brain just freezes and I become overwhelmed totally

It can be hard to translate thoughts into words, sometimes the best I can do is stall for a few secs before simplifying but trying to force it can be overwelming, its like I can see/sense what I want to say right in front of me but there are no words to connect to the thoughts. Typing is a lot easier though which I've always found strange.

Yes, many if not all with Aspergers have a great deal of trouble communicating as clearly as we'd like

I can so communicate by typing. That is odd you say that. I can type and go back and get it out. Getting out of my head through my mouth does not work. Worked with my therapist on that one. I have to email my wife to discuss things. Is that odd? Or normal for aspies?

I have no trouble communicating, but I do find it difficult to get people to take me seriously, especially when I'm trying to warn someone that their thinking is flawed or that their decisions are mistakes.

Although those "I Told You So" moments do make me happy.

I can't get people to take me seriously either. I think maybe sometimes I am more concerned about it than they are. As well as I have a tendency to blow things out of proportion and hyper focus on things too much. I take things to the extreme in everything I do.

Hi, when communciating with your wife, how you communicate depends on what you are talking about. Talk about the to do's will be straight forward (picking up groceries at the store, paying a bill, doing every day chores); the practical communication. When having an more indepth discussion about topics, ask yourself, what do you fixate on all the time? Is it something negative?Is is something so technical that it goes over the other person's head? And realize that over-talking any topic can lead to the listener feeling overwhelmed.

Ask your wife questions to let her know that you care what she thinks. Find common interests to talk about. Monitor yourself; say to yourself, I will talk about this topic for five minutes and then I am going to drop it. Sometimes communication can spiral out of control because Asperger people tend to fixate on one topic. It feels unsatisfying to stop talking about something, like being hungry and when the other person changes the topic, it can make you feel irritated, like they are not listening to you. But we can learn to manage those feelings, just like a person on a diet who gets hunger cravings. Do self-talk, "It is okay if I stop talking about this topic now", "I am going to move on now".

Also know that lots of NT people obsess on topics too (usually talking non-stop about their problems) so don't get caught listening for hours either. With regards to people taking you seriously, the best way to encourage them to take you seriously, is to not need them to (manage your emotions, say what you have to say). They don't have to hang on your every word.

You know I really like your advice. I can set a time limit on how long I can talk about something and then stop. It is not like me to do that because like you say it is like I am still hungry and need to eat. That will keep me from just going on and on getting no where.

Teaching myself to react, think, and act differently is so hard to do. I guess because I have done it for so long. It is like trying to get a river to flow in a new path. It is so easy to follow the same path I always have.

Communication difficulties in AS usually include difficulties in non-verbal communication. Many people with AS don't have much trouble communicating verbally.

In the case for me it is like I am mentally stuttering. When communicating verbally I get so lost in the conversation.