Do you prefer to live alone or with others?
I, fortunately, live with someone. Lived alone in the past and got deeply depressed.... It has caused me to contemplate why it was so intolerable. Was it due to the particulars of Asperger Syndrome, which can cause one to be so isolated - that - coming home to an empty apartment is a double whammy?
I don't know how people can stand living alone. However, I've found that many people who do comfort themselves with a sense of a higher power being around. Unfortunately, in the time I lived alone I never felt accompanied by a force greater or felt "love" or peace (whatever that means). Instead, I plummeted into a deep despair and existential panic....It was the feeling of having utterly no purpose combined with a knot in my stomach of terror being completely alone.
It is strange because I do need a lot of space yet do need interaction and companionship. Perhaps this is a trait that many other Aspies don't share (though i've heard of the term "active but odd").
So which is your natural preference, living alone or with other people?
Living with others, but only very specific others - and I need space to retreat to that nobody other than my boyfriend is allowed to go if I don't want them to.
I can't reasonably live alone. I have issues eating and cleaning on my own, because I can't cook, don't realize when I'm getting hungry until its problematic, don't know how to clean, and have severe sensory issues.
I currently live with just my boyfriend. We're thinking of moving in with his family though, so we can get more support with daily life activities, and so we can get me out of the city.
I just started living on my own for the first time in my life and it was depressing at first. Then I began arranging my house in a different way and made it feel so much more spacious and welcoming. I've been able to keep it clean all of the time without my ex living here. I know where everything is and I know I'm not going to trip over someone else's mess.
I can set my alarm and walk my dog at four in the morning without worrying about waking anyone. I can make coffee for myself and not worry about anyone else drinking it all. Best of all, no one disturbs me unexpectedly. I don't have to fear I'll hear someone chewing with their mouth open. There are so many reasons I've found for enjoying living on my own.
I thought I would never want to live on my own but it turns out I'm one of those people who thrives from it.
Alone with my cats. I've lived with other people but I find it really difficult at times.
The main problems are:
- People don't put things back where I left them or they move things around. That's not to say I'm super neat but I have methods to my madness
- TV or other loud noises/distractions when I'm trying to focus. I don't really watch TV and I hate having to be around a TV I'm not watching, its very hard to tune it out.
- I don't like mixing my belongings with other peoples, I'm often worried things will disappear or get broken
- I need a pretty substantial amount of alone time, when I was married my wife felt compelled to often intentionally be in my space because she was upset about how much alone time I needed. I don't like having my room be the only place I can be alone either, it makes me feel a little trapped.
- I'm often up late at night when its quiet but even if I don't make a ton of noise sometimes it still causes problems.
For me being totally alone is bad but having pets makes all the difference in the world although sometimes they make me crazy when they demand attention and I just want to decompress.
I don't know how people can stand living alone. However, I've found that many people who do comfort themselves with a sense of a higher power being around. Unfortunately, in the time I lived alone I never felt accompanied by a force greater or felt "love" or peace (whatever that means). Instead, I plummeted into a deep despair and existential panic....It was the feeling of having utterly no purpose combined with a knot in my stomach of terror being completely alone.
It is strange because I do need a lot of space yet do need interaction and companionship. Perhaps this is a trait that many other Aspies don't share (though i've heard of the term "active but odd").
So which is your natural preference, living alone or with other people?
I'd be in heaven if I could live by myself, some place way up in the mountains, miles from the nearest person. And wouldn't need any "higher power being" to be happy either. With a good computer and a fast internet connection, I have all the social interaction I need.
I have always preferred to live alone because I was too afraid of what my room mates be like and I wanted my own privacy. I would most likely keep myself shut in my own bedroom with cable and TV and video games and books and computer. But now I live with my husband and son.
But I never ever wanted to get room mates because I don't trust strangers. If I were to get a room mate, it would have been my boyfriend (now husband) or a friend I trust and feel comfortable with.
Definitely with others. Keeps me feeling useful and prevents me from getting lost in my head. I may be one of only two Aspies I've ever seen that thrive in an extended-family household (Daddy was the other one).
Although, in a perfect world, I'd live with others and have a room of my very own.
Group home, anybody????
Or is it a commune I'm describing????
_________________
"Alas, our dried voices when we whisper together are quiet and meaningless, as wind in dry grass, or rats' feet over broken glass in our dry cellar." --TS Eliot, "The Hollow Men"
Last edited by BuyerBeware on 08 Apr 2012, 8:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.
It's better for me to live alone. When I lived with my girlfriend for a brief period it was sometimes difficult for me that I didn't get my alone time to the extent I needed it. I often see my parents, on almost every weekend, and I have a friend whom I meet weekly, so I feel quite OK socially. However, I guess I could live with someone who'd accept me for who I am and allow me some alone time whenever I need it.
_________________
Another non-English speaking - DX'd at age 38
"Aut viam inveniam aut faciam." (Hannibal) - Latin for "I'll either find a way or make one."
If I can offer some unsolicited advice, it's important to take that time if you need it. Part of the reason my marriage failed was that we couldn't work out a compromise that gave me enough time to recharge.
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