When people don't follow through...Is this just an NT thing?

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i've noticed over the years that many people who are not on the Autism spectrum (or at least I don't think they have Asperger's).......say they will do something but never follow through. This can range from bringing a DVD to watch a movie, to saying they will call but never call back.

For example, i had a picnic with some NT acquaintances.......One of them was coming to my house the next day to visit my sister to help her with her homework. She said (to me) "Oh and I'll bring the movie I think you'll like".......Fast forward, she might have forgot, but the movie never came.

I understand that people often forget (i'm very forgetful myself).....But when i say i will do something, i generally follow through (or so i hope..........anyone who notices if i don't follow thru can bash me over the head lol)

People say they will do something, they offer. But they never do. And it is NTs (haven't interacted with enough Aspies to know if everyone has this problem)....

I have often wondered if the lack of follow through is a boundaries thing. Perhaps people think if they follow through i will want to get to know them better so they keep at arm's length.......so maybe people do follow through just not for me

Interested to hear your experiences. Do you find that NTs generally keep their word? Why don't people keep their word- is this just an NT thing? Is this something i should take personally?

No, there is nothing that is just a nonautistic thing

In my experience in most cases it is because they forgot or have become busy with something else being a priority. I find most of the time a friendly reminder and the person will do what they initially said.

When I dont follow through on something I said I would do 95% of the time it is genuine forgetfulness, 4% of the time it is procrastination because I dont actually want to do the thing or becuase I am busy- I will do it, just later, and 1% of the time I just said I would do it to get the other person to back off and leave me alone.

I could be wrong but I'm thinking there are two distinct things going on there.
One is simple forgetfullness/laziness/life getting in the wayness-- the case of the person not bringing the movie probably falls in that category, and I think folks on the spectrum are no more or less likely to do the same-- it's not an NT thing.

There's also the phenomena whereby people say things like "oh we should totally go for coffee sometime." Without really meaning it as a kind of social nicety/white lie. That is defiantly is an NT thing and It pisses me straight off-- but it happens.

If someone is really serious they will usually inquire about, or specify a time or date for such a get together. As in "What are you doing this week? we should go for brunch!" Or "A bunch of us get together and play tiddly winks on saturday nights-- you should totally come!"

I guess the take home point for us might be that if we remember to take the later tact people will take our social overtures more seriously. They still have the possibility of graciously declining by having some other obligation that takes precedence as in "uhm. I'd love to.. but I've got to take my tarantula to the vet".

Autistic people do that too. I have had autistic friends tell me they would call me in ten minutes or an hour and they never do. I don't let it bother me because I hate talking on the phone so that's always a relief they never call back.

I once said on here I would continue my South Park story and I lost interest in it again. I once said about my other story to someone on fanfiction website that I would post another chapter the next day but i never did because of writer's block and then I lost interest. I ended up posting it over a year later.

Everyone does this. I sometimes catch myself doing the same, but only for personal tasks of which I told someone else I would do them, when I don't feel motivated to do them.

However, when someone tells me "I'll call you today" or "I'll be online tonight" and they don't do that, I can get upset. It used to be much worse, I always used to sit somewhere quiet and just rock back and forth and cry for hours, and be depressed for days.

Unless they put it in a planner, I take it as “I may do this”. Unless they just got busy, I would txt or send an email reminder.

I normally do it when I lose track of time, never forget to bring something though lol.

This isn't exactly the same thing but I've noticed that when I mention that I want to do something or I would like to do something or am thinking about doing something people seem to think that means I'll actually do it and probably soon. Just because I'm thinking of doing something doesn't mean I'll be able to or know how or be able to work up enough enthusiasm or energy to do it or figure out how to do it.

Like recently someone asked me if I painted my room yet. I want to do some painting in my house but I don't know how, would have to walk to the hardware store and back and spend a bunch of money, and I hate the smell of paint. Plus the last time I moved furniture in my room I was in pain for a week. Maybe someday I'll do it.

Absolutely it isn't!

It's a person thing for which the reasons vary;it's best to ask them w out becoming visibly angry or over confrontational.

It'll be ''an Aspie thing'' next week.

Everyone does this--NT and autistic.