Things that would make socializing predictable.

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What are some things that you wish weren't total mysteries while socializing.

Here are mine.

1) Set times for getting together.

2) Set topics for discussion for at least part of the meet.

3) Set activities during the get together, nothing worst than trying to act casual while doing absolutely nothing.

4) Clear invitations for the gathering, with a clear list of who is showing up.

5) Hand signals used to give feedback for the person speaking. I.E. gestures like get to the point, what do you mean, I agree, I disagree etc.

6) A time period for criticizing your peers without repercussion.

Some would suggest that's a business meeting, not a social meeting. You're right in implying the two arn't that far apart, but I'm not sure if the above recommendations can be easily inserted into an informal gathering.

One of these is do-able from your end:

Appropriate topics for conversation in a given situation, appropriate amount of time spent on a topic, when a "stock" response is expected and what it is, where to look and what facial expressions to use while talking, what to do when criticized, what to do when something seems wrong and you don't know what, how to explain an aspie mistake while staying in the closet, etc.

I don't think it can be made predictable, though. But I'm just a bitter old lady.

I find that usually when meeting friends we have a purpose for us meeting (eg having lunch) and a given time to meet so there's already a plan and it's predictable. Unless of course we deviate from the plan but I'm not overly adverse to that. Though sometimes I find myself planning conversations beforehand if there's something I want to talk about when I meet them.

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If people would ignore the rules of conversation and not wait to be asked questions about themselves, but just feel free to go on and say whatever it is that's on their minds, I'd have a lot more friends. I love it when people go on and on and I don't have to pry information out of them. Just talk--don't worry about "conversing".

The only interactions that go well for me tend to be either those where there is a specific topic all parties find interesting, or those where there is alcohol involved.

When I'm talking to someone who is really geeky about a particular topic (a professor, for instance) I'll often feel as though I'm dealing with another aspie when the person is actually NT. The "world" of being really into a topic, being more interested in the content of a discussion than the form, is my home turf and only when I can meet another person there do I feel like I'm really meeting them at all.