To nice/warm to be Aspergers ! !

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Hey i am back and officially Diagnosed with Aspergers + ADHD (i knew i had both anyway just needed to hear an official NHS diagnosis) , a few people i have told have said "your way to nice" "or your such a warm guy" ... Has anyone else had this ?

I haven't been officially diagnosed, but I've gotten this response from one person I told.

I've been told that many times. It's also ticked me off, because I have a real diagnoses.

I am in the process of getting a diagnosis now - and the last therapist I saw said basically that when I brought it up to her.

"Oh, you care too much about other people. You're not cold enough to be AS!"

This is from a person with a Ph.D in psychology!

All of the Aspies I know personally are very nice people. There's a general misconception that most Aspies are cold and unfeeling because of the way we express our emotions, but it's usually not true.

I get that a lot. Just because we sometimes have trouble expressing emotions does not make us cold people.
I can be extremely loving and warm. Most people on the spectrum I know are kind, nice, caring, loyal people.

Yes, when I told some people that I have ADHD they said things like that.

That I am "viel zu gut erzogen" (too well-mannered, well-behaved...) to have ADHD.

No. Some people seem to think only a**holes have it and are unable to be nice. But that isn't true. There are aspies out there who are not very nice people and there are aspies out there who are nice people. But I have been told I am a very nice person or fun to be with but they never said that to question my diagnoses.

Plus my mother had told me people with true Asperger's don't care about other people and I only have good things about it. I think my mother confuses AS with being a jerk. There really is no difference between jerk with AS and a jerk without AS. So maybe I have gotten this, from my own mother. But I have found out that even people with severe AS are good caring people and can give out support.

I do a lot of polite and helpful acts such as holding open doors, smiling and saying hello to passing colleagues, letting people go ahead of me in queues and generally being helpful.

They are just a form of camoflague and are routine behaviours. Activity vs Socialising.

Jason

That's a rude misconception.

I am very well mannered, considerate, and highly affectionate as well (as are my cats, who apparently 'All Have Asperger's' according to one book).

No, I've not been told that.

Usually it's a "ohh, that explains a lot." Thanks mum.

Or, "I think you're just really creative."

Absentmindedness runs in the family on both sides, so I often don't think of doing courtesies for others when I should. I also believe I have Executive Function Disorder, which adds to that. But I do try to be civil and nice to people, unless I have a reason not to be. The business that we can't be nice is another of those misconceptions we have to deal with. Part of it is because we are sometimes not very demonstrative. Part of it is because some of us are uncomfortable with physical contact. And part of it is because we are prone to meltdowns caused by processing overload, stress, and the fact that others around us don't understand why we are having the problem and the stress, so they are not as helpful as they should be. That last is like telling someone your hair is on fire, so could they please pour a glass of water on it.--Their response--"Oh, it's okay. Your hair is naturally flame colored"--When in fact your hair is on fire.

I think our meltdowns are our biggest problem, but I don't see a simple fix for that. I hope that our attempts to enlighten the psych docs and the public will eventually bear fruit.

Because it's a different way of expressing emotions - non-conventional - people may think that. Because they only know one way.

I know I've been called rude or given the impression that I am rude many times in life. As a child, I didn't think much about my reactions or what I said to people and how I said it. I've grown more and more insecure throughout my life. I've gotten much quieter and end up hurting people who are close to me occasionally.

On the other hand, most people think of me as "nice" and "quiet", while I've grown more and more misanthropic. Because people consider me to be "naive", I have started to question everything. Which is not very helpful.

It's also true for me that people don't think of me as very affectionate. Well, most of them don't really give me a chance. They keep criticizing me for ridiculous things. I tend to be affectionate towards people who don't criticize me for everything I do. Those who are more accepting will get acceptance in return.