When you were really young, did you...?

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My 3 year old demands my attention and if I don't give it to him, he gets right up in my face and holds my face so that I can look at him. The problem is, he only does it to me. Everyone else in the family, he tries to talk to, but he isn't so aggressive, right up in their face. Did you do this as a child? If so, how can did you transfere that same assertive to other people, meaning, how did you demand other people's attention, when you wanted it.

Have you been trying to teach him eye contact by turning his face towards you when you are speaking to him?

He's always done that from as long as I can remember. But recently, I started doing it to him because the school psych said he had poor eye contact with her. She said I should have everyone who speaks to him do that to him. So he's been better with eye contact with others. But he doesn't have the same intensity with his father or siblings. I notice he does it even more when his baby sister is around competing for attention.

That was brilliant.

: shakes head :

I'm so bad at expressing my ideas in words. I am better off making lists, so here goes:

1) He has and has always had regular eye contact with his family (he looks at you if he is talking to you or if you are talking to him).
2) We didn't realize his eye contact was poor until the school psy said so (he's at home, he doesn't go to daycare).
3) Everyone I asked to talk to him close to his face, (non family members) say they see an improvement.
4) Prior to his screening at the school (which only started about 5 weeks ago) he spoke to me in this same way (demanding my attention).
5) Additionally, he also will insert himself in my lap (sometimes in competition with his little sister) and he will hold my head so that he can kiss me.

Umm, in case you misunderstood, it was about the school psych, not you.

Oh, Ok, got it.

That is quite typical. Not every toddler does it, but it is not unusual for a 3-year-old to do it. My friend has a 9-year-old daughter (is NT), but when she was 3 she used to scream if nobody was looking at her or giving her any attention, and she even used to pull at her grandmother's hair just to get her attention. And she only done this to her mum and her grandmother, nobody else. She had a 1-year-old brother, but if people gave him attention and not her, she would literally hit him. She did grow out of this behaviour when she started school.

Some things you might want to think about:

Because your child has a "diagnosis", you have been primed to be hyper-sensitive to your child's behavior. Thus, random little things that all children do to some extent will seem frightening or problematic to you, because you are looking out for them.

Because your child has a "diagnosis", you have been exposed to many opinions on what is and isn't "appropriate" behavior for your child to exhibit. Other than the assertion that those people have advanced degrees, you have no particular proof that these people know any better than anyone else what "appropriate" behavior even is.

No one knows how to raise a child. Most children are horribly f****d up by the time they reach adulthood. Whether this is because of or in spite of their parents is a question for the ages.

You can't not raise your child, and you can't know whether you're doing it right. You just do it, and see what happens.

Joe90 - Thanks for your response. He currently does it with me and no one else. I wish he would demand other people's attention though, especially his father. He is really close to his father, but his father can be aloof sometimes and so if my son tries to get his attention and he doesn't immediately responds, he comes to me.

ialdabaoth - Thanks for your support. My son didn't actually get a diagnosis from the neurologist (he said he has autistic traits but not enough for a diagnosis) but according to the school screening, they said he is on the spectrum. I am treating him like if he has a diagnosis because I think he can benefit from all the therapies.

I am hoping to help him transfer the skill he has with me to other people in the family.