Social withdrawl: learned, or born with it?

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It's quite common for people with Asperger's and Autism to be shy and socially withdrawn. My question is, are you socially withdrawn, and, if so, have you had this aversion to socializing for as long as you remember, or was it your coping response to many social failures(probably starting in school)? I bet it depends on the Autistic.

For me, my withdrawl was definitely learned. Early on in school, I would try a lot to interact with my peers, but I had strange behaviors, was annoying, and wasn't aware of "the rules". Most of them rejected me. The changes in my personality weren't instant- I didn't become as fully, concretely withdrawn as I am now until at least 6th grade(12 years old). Years of social failure and low confidence have led to me being a really withdrawn, socially anxious person.

It's very tempting to point the finger at my teachers, parents, and peers for my problems.

For me it was a coping response, started to implement it around the time I was in the 8th Grade until now.

I was abused quite a lot growing up. I was beaten by the teachers in school. I was bullied by kids in elementary & high school. I was physically abused by father. (My mother had left). So I would think I'm socially withdrawn - even till now - because of all these abuses. Of course, I also have ASD, so it's probably a combination of the two.

Socializing is awkward for me and can wear me out when I have to do it. But have I always been this way? I think so. My first grade report card says I needed to socialize more. So it was obvious then to teachers that I did not socialize much. I can remember getting around other children to play, but I can also remember the awkwardness of some of it too. But I did play with others. I latched onto a best friend. But when he began hanging around with others (in junior high school) I found I did not fit in. I believe for me I was born with the social awkwardness already in place causing me to withdraw socially. I was not a recluse or anything, I did hang around others---but it could be awkward---so I preferred my alone time many times (but not all the time).

I had this almost argument thing with my friend last year when I was drunk. Well it wasn't really an argument but a big statement of who I really was. I was trying to get people to see where I was coming from. I was telling her and my boyfriend at the time that I was shy by nature. Yes, I have social anxiety and low self-esteem as well which is conditioned and learned but at the same time I've always been a quiet child. I was a quiet baby, I showed little emotion, I hardly ever cried according to my parents. I've always been naturally shy before I even had self-esteem issues. I had an eye contact issue in kindergarten that my mum and teacher soon fixed by teaching me to look into peoples eyes. I was always a shy, well behaved child ever since I was a baby.

I was born socially aloof, and I became less and less and less socially aloof as I grew up.

I have always been withdrawn. As a small child it was because I couldn't talk so I didn't know how to play with other kids. I did play with others as I got older but I still withdrew if they were doing I didn't want to do. Plus I always preferred to play alone. I had friends but we always did what I liked doing and it be at my house. We also parallel played. Today I am still withdrawn.

Born this way. I never seeked social contact. People always went out of their way to include me though. For awhile there I thought about being more social but now I rather just be the natural me. I am social when I want to be and might do quite well, but only for a short time and I prefer my solitude.

I was withdrawn from an early age. Bullying and other issues just made me worse. I'm a lot better these days but I still very much prefer my own company.

Interesting question, and one that I can't answer easily.

My mother told me recently that she and my father were very worried because all my report cards in my early school years said I was socially withdrawn. I remember that I loved to play alone a lot. They sent me to all kinds of extracurricular activities to try to help me with that, but for some reason sent me to a lot of classes that involved physical activity, which I was astoundingly bad at.

By contrast, when I did get confident with people or even a group of people, I could be an ebullient clown. I lost that personality after it seemed to annoy people. Additionally, I was bullied badly in year 5. It was mostly psychological bullying, but once or twice strayed into the physical realm. That, I think, shaped my personality for many years to come and maybe still does.

My sense is that I probably started out being a shy person with good and honest intentions. I wouldn't always want to play with others, but didn't necessarily always want to be alone. Life experience changed that.

I'm much less social at this time than I was in school. If other people didn't make the effort, I probably wouldn't make friends at all. It's a source of eternal astonishment to me that the odd person here and there does want to make the effort. I therefore pretty much get the balance I craved in school - a little socialising and a lot of alone time.

It was learned, in my case. I was a very outgoing chatty youngster. When I was about 7yrs, I became very shy and selectively mute. I have tried to work out what happened, but I think I suddenly became aware of how other kids were seeing/treating me and decided it was better to keep quiet than to be made fun of, for saying the wrong thing. I also changed schools at that age. But, I loved my new school, hated the old one, so I don't think this was a factor. My parents didn't even realise I'd changed, because I hadn't changed at home. When they went to the first parents' evening at my new school, they got a shock when the teacher told them I never spoke up in class. All my report cards say something like 'Needs to speak up and ask questions'.

My 6yr old daughter is like I was at that age and I hope she stays like that. She seems confident and not too bothered about what others think of her, so she has the right attitude, for now anyway.

This is a difficult question.

I was always seen as eccentric in school, but, people were curious about me and I had a circle of friends. I was not shunned, nor was I a prime target for bullies, there were a few occasions but there were other people they preferred over me.

But, I never felt fully in control, I felt like I wasn't free to choose how much interaction I got. As I got older, and especially after leaving school, it was like I was more and more free to be the author of my own social circle. Over time, it started to get smaller, and smaller.

Now, I'm something of a shut-in who basically doesn't have any close friends at all, and very few casual acquaintances.

On the one hand that suits me just fine, on the other hand, there are lots of benefits to having a social network, particularly when you're struggling in life.

I think I was partly born with it. I made normal eye contact right from birth (or whenever babies start learning to smile, etc), and so there must have been something in me to make me smile and want to play. I was socially a typical kid right up until I started school, not quite sure what went wrong. Well, I still got better as I got older, but my AS traits were more recognisable when I was over 4. Looking back, I was just a typical baby and toddler.

I learned, fast enough, that I wasn't desirable company. I tried a lot of different ways to get along and eventually left (home, study, town). I was sixteen then and it took more than forty years from there for me to get to the autism diagnosis. I'm still trying to find a way back.

I was born with it.
It never occurred to me that I was meant to make social approaches.