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Why were we cursed with Aspergers?

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JohnF12
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30 Apr 2012, 9:53 pm

I never had a relationship or sex, I don't understand the meaning of certain jokes or sarcasm, and Aspergers really does hold me back. People don't understand it. I am so anti-social and insecure. I am 22 years old, never had a girlfriend and it's not because I am ugly. I am not normal and I accept that. I go through phases where I wish I was a little kid playing with my action figures and my old friends again, back when people understood me. My mother is almost 60 and dad is getting old as well. I don't know what I will do when they are gone. I am getting more depressed as I get older. I was once a child with ambitions and dreams, I never thought they would be shattered like this. I am sick of Aspergers, I am sick of sitting in my little world in my room, I am sick of thinking of what my life is going to be like once mom and dad are gone. It is all so upsetting. I need some helpful advice from people who know what I am going through.



Delphiki
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30 Apr 2012, 9:54 pm

I don't think you accept that you are not normal if you say that it is a curse.


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30 Apr 2012, 10:17 pm

I don't see my AS as a curse. I see it as a gift. :)


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Einfari
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30 Apr 2012, 10:33 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
I don't see my AS as a curse. I see it as a gift. :)


Same here. AS irritates me at times because I've never been in a relationship or even want to be in one at the moment. I believe I understand science better with AS because my brain works very logically. People ask me why I understand chem easily. AS, like anything else in life has both upsides and downsides. Learning how to cope with AS can be extremely difficult, but you will get stronger as a result. The best thing you can do is find the good side of your AS to balance out the bad. :)



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01 May 2012, 12:55 am

I think your feelings are valid and AS can definitely be a serious impairment, even a disability. I'm a fair bit older than you and I've never had a relationship, either. Am I happy about it? No, but it could have been a lot worse: I could have had the kind of relationship I've see many people around me have - no thanks.

It may take a long time, but eventually one of two things are likely to happen:

1) You'll find a relationship, whether it's because you learn to compensate for AS well enough or you meet someone with whom you don't have to (perhaps another Aspie)
2) You'll accept that not having a relationship is OK.

Either way, it gets better. Not great, but better. You're already ahead of many (including me) by knowing about your AS at a relatively young age. As for the "why", it's irrelevant, really. There is probably no "why" and if there was - what would it change?



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01 May 2012, 1:01 am

Einfari wrote:
CockneyRebel wrote:
I don't see my AS as a curse. I see it as a gift. :)

AS, like anything else in life has both upsides and downsides. Learning how to cope with AS can be extremely difficult, but you will get stronger as a result. The best thing you can do is find the good side of your AS to balance out the bad. :)


I agree and will top it off with a song quote:

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter's
footsteps even lighter.



LadySera
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01 May 2012, 1:21 am

I don't have any advice but I understand/sympathize.



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01 May 2012, 1:36 am

JohnF12 wrote:
I never had a relationship or sex, I don't understand the meaning of certain jokes or sarcasm, and Aspergers really does hold me back. People don't understand it. I am so anti-social and insecure. I am 22 years old, never had a girlfriend and it's not because I am ugly. I am not normal and I accept that. I go through phases where I wish I was a little kid playing with my action figures and my old friends again, back when people understood me. My mother is almost 60 and dad is getting old as well. I don't know what I will do when they are gone. I am getting more depressed as I get older. I was once a child with ambitions and dreams, I never thought they would be shattered like this. I am sick of Aspergers, I am sick of sitting in my little world in my room, I am sick of thinking of what my life is going to be like once mom and dad are gone. It is all so upsetting. I need some helpful advice from people who know what I am going through.


It's good that you see it as a curse, you will be motivated to improve your weaknesses. You're not doomed to being alone or not living out your dreams. It's never to late to make yourself into what you want to be but you have to work for it. The best thing you can do right now is to look up support groups in your area. You will need to ask for help in coming up with a long term plan for yourself and you will need help sticking to it, but it will get easier. Use the resources that are available to you. You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it John.



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01 May 2012, 1:47 am

I do understand how you feel, JohnF12. But, if it is any consolation, it does get better as you get older.



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01 May 2012, 1:58 am

CockneyRebel wrote:
I don't see my AS as a curse. I see it as a gift. :)


Are you sure that you're AS?

If my AS is a gift I wish I could take it back to the shop.

It has made large portions of my life utter misery.



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01 May 2012, 2:03 am

Einfari wrote:
CockneyRebel wrote:
I don't see my AS as a curse. I see it as a gift. :)


Same here. AS irritates me at times because I've never been in a relationship or even want to be in one at the moment. I believe I understand science better with AS because my brain works very logically. People ask me why I understand chem easily. AS, like anything else in life has both upsides and downsides. Learning how to cope with AS can be extremely difficult, but you will get stronger as a result. The best thing you can do is find the good side of your AS to balance out the bad. :)


Name one of the "upsides" please.
I haven't noticed any in my 50+ years.
My AS has been nothing to me but misery and isolation.



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01 May 2012, 2:06 am

Sure ASD makes us different, but everyone has hardships in life, it doesn't mean that we're cursed, besides you have no choice but to deal with it anyway :/ Without my pdd-nos i would probably have lacked a lot of talents that i do now, so sure its hard but life can be just as hard when you don't have it, tons of other stuff can happen xD Everything has pros and cons, i'm very glad that i lack the ability to get bored, while other people i know get bored all the time :o



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01 May 2012, 3:21 am

I never viewed my AS as a curse I have liked having it ever since I was diagnosed at age 7 it have been a good thing for me.



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01 May 2012, 3:32 am

JohnF12 wrote:
I never had a relationship or sex, I don't understand the meaning of certain jokes or sarcasm, and Aspergers really does hold me back. People don't understand it. I am so anti-social and insecure. I am 22 years old, never had a girlfriend and it's not because I am ugly. I am not normal and I accept that. I go through phases where I wish I was a little kid playing with my action figures and my old friends again, back when people understood me. My mother is almost 60 and dad is getting old as well. I don't know what I will do when they are gone. I am getting more depressed as I get older. I was once a child with ambitions and dreams, I never thought they would be shattered like this. I am sick of Aspergers, I am sick of sitting in my little world in my room, I am sick of thinking of what my life is going to be like once mom and dad are gone. It is all so upsetting. I need some helpful advice from people who know what I am going through.


Hi John,
I really can't offer much advice in terms of AS, I am still learning so much myself. I would like to say that 22 is really young, it is a vulnerable age for most people but (as clichéd as it sounds) you really do have your whole life ahead of you. Have you tried joining a support network? there seem to be a quite a few around and would probably be a good way of making new friends and perhaps meeting a girl. I am sorry that you finding things so tough, and I honestly hope things improve,

All the best,
M


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darkfuji
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01 May 2012, 5:52 am

i think that it is a gift sure the first day i was diagnosed with it i was a bit upset but a day after my mum researched it and came up with einstien and issac newton.



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01 May 2012, 6:01 am

Im glad i know about my AS in my teens.

All your stories make me feellike the king of the world.

Maybe i have a mild case


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