What do you wish we knew?

Post Reply New Topic

I am interested to hear from those diagnosed with Autism or Aspergers-- what is the one thing you wish your "neurotypical" peers or acquaintances knew about what it is like living with ASD?

I would like for NTs to know how deeply I am into my special intense interests. Although I have studied the same house plans for over 30 years, I still find as much excitement and enchantment in looking at them today as I did the first day I saw them. I find joy in life in exploring roller coasters. My interests take the place of a social life for me. I do not desire to be around people (except for my family). My interests often get me through the day. An incredibly large amount of who I am are my interests.

What I wish my NT peers could understand
That just because I am not saying anything or looking off into the distance it doesn't mean that something is wrong with me or I need a hug. It simply means that 1) I am not interested in what you are saying 2) I dont feel like looking at people or talking to them today 3) I am listning but have nothing more to add and havn't realised that I am expected to respond to your comment.

There is so much I could say, but what I ultimately wish for NTs to understand about any mental difference/disorder is that the brain is a biological machine and some of these machines work very differently from others even among NTs. You just can't expect anyone to have the same interests and skills as you do. Some people are set to play life on hard mode, and other's on easy mode.

If my clothes happen to be stained and I'm in an area where there are a lot of tourists, I am not necessarily homeless. One of my special interests dictates that I may not always arrive back home as clean as when I left

I don't get sarcasm, figurative language sometimes, and tasks that don't make sense. (mainly talking about work).

A coworker said "I don't care what they say, your awesome" I just stared at him blankly, (the others don't like me!?!). "it was a joke" oh thank goodness. I have heard him and others say this to each other now.

I was told to do a task that was impossible, almost panicked over it a couple times, told a different coworker the issue I was having, he handled it. He ended up solving the task by doing something I was told wouldn't work.

I know you asked about the one thing I want the NTs in my life to understand, but sorry, I can't choose between these 3:


I wish people understood the way I feel. I don’t always feel much when others expect me to, and for the most part I feel mildly content. When I do feel anything, there is only room for ONE emotion at a time, but that emotion is so strong it fills everything for me. If I’m happy, I bubble and can act a little hyper because I’m so full of joy; when I grieve, it feels like my entire world is ending and all I see is darkness; when I’m upset I am unable to just let it go, because it’s on my mind and I need to understand or have it resolved; when I’m angry I could shatter the world if I had the power to do so, and I wish the NTs in my life could appreciate the restrain I actually use when I pull back, instead of just criticizing me for it when I snap at someone – I’m not being deliberately bad and I wish you could experience the strength of my emotions because I don’t think you’d fare any better if you did. I do not mean that you should condone of me saying hurtful things or snapping at you, I only ask for a little understanding for the way I work.

I am aloof by nature and I’m not social by any means. I don’t want to spend time IRL trying to get to know people, I live for my interests and want to spend as much time with them as possible. Besides family (and pets when I had them), I am not interested in real life socializing. Stop telling me “you don’t REALLY feel that way” or “everyone wants that”. I DO feel that way, always have, and no, not everyone wants that. Please don’t project your feelings and needs on me, because we are very different in many ways.

Once you learn that I have AS, don’t start treating me differently. I am still the same person, you just learned something new about me. Do not speak to me like I’m ret*d. I do not need you to talk slow-ly and de-libe-rate-ly.

-that I need my alone time to recharge so I can function in society again
-that I don't like last minute plans and I need lots of time in advance to know what the plans are
-I'm perfectly happy not talking, you don't have to feel bad or think that there's something wrong with me
-I may not show my emotions as well as others but that doesn't mean that I'm not feeling anything
-I need routine
-just a little understanding and patience would be nice
-I can't just all of a sudden get better and make every single one of my personality flaws go away
-you're either a loyal friend or you aren't my friend
-I may not understand something and I may have to be taught in a different way or slower, please don't get impatient with me
-just because I can't keep down a job and I'm applying for disability does not automatically mean that I'm lazy
-it took me a long way to get where I am now from when I was just a child
-I may say things that I don't mean out of impulse during a meltdown or mood swing
-I'm not stuck-up or snobby, I'm just really socially awkward

That my special interests are an important part of who I am. I don't feel that there is anything wrong with the special interests that I have, or the intensity of them. I wish that NTs would know that special interests aren't drugs that a person gets hooked on. I wouldn't be very healthy or happy, if I didn't allow myself to have my special interests or post about them.

That they're crazy people...That can read minds!

That social interaction is like having algebra problems thrown at you all day,
and if you get one wrong or even hesitate people can get annoyed or angry.
And (I don't want to be mean to NT's) I meet them 95% of the way every day
so cut me a little slack when I mess up.

I wish NTs would try to understand how deep AS/ASD is and not dismiss our difficulties with 'oh everyone feels/ goes through that'.

I wish that they understood the following:
1. It's not "just anxiety." I have been dealing with the same problems my whole life, and anxiety comes and goes. It doesn't explain why I cannot connect normally with people.

2. Just because you don't see anything abnormal doesn't mean its not there. I hide a great deal, and as a result, you probably don't really know me. At. All.

3. It's not a spiritual thing. Please don't dismiss it as spiritual. It's degrading when you do that.

4. I don't suffer horribly and need a cure, or healing, or whatever. I need understanding and cooperation. I actually like aspects of my Asperger's.

Being normal would be the worst curse I could have, and I would rather be dead than normal.

That last statement is actually the one I really wish people could hear. But, I really fear their reaction.

I wish they knew when I say "I am not saying what I want to say" that I really mean that, and being able to understand what I did say does not mean that I said what I wanted to say. Also, I do not need reassurances like "You're doing fine." I can tell that I am not because the words I want to use are not coming forth.

I just wish you could know how I felt, what went in my head..all these feelings and shifts.

That when I'm enjoying food, you don't need to ask me if it's nice. I'm not going to suddenly put down my spoon and say, ''no it's not, it's disgusting!''

I know asking ''is that nice?'' is just a way of being polite, but I get bored of always having to just say, ''yeah''. Why can't people ask me better questions like, ''so, what are you planning on doing tomorrow?'' or something more interesting like that?