Do you have obsessive emotional behavior like I have had?

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Like do you have an obsessive emotionally thought that you keep repeating over and over and over and over again and nothing can change it? Like I keep telling myself that I'm worthless and I feel like I have to get to a certain "level" of thoroughness of the thought before I will allow myself to stop. I got there, but it's funny how far I got.

In addition, I thought maybe if I "erased" my personality I wouldn't be hatable by a specific person anymore, so I spent the last five months trying to disappear socially. Was that a natural Aspie instinct backed up by an excuse, or is obsessive emotional behavior natural for those of Asperger's?

Yes I had those kind of emotional obsessions/fixations throughout my teens and 20s (I'm 33 now). I got stuck in depressive ruts for long periods of time which I didn't know how to climb out of.

You owe nothing to the world and everything to yourself. Do not let the world measure your worth. Rather, think about how you might take from the world those things that are of worth to you. When you do that, the world then (paradoxically) turns around and pronounces you a worthy individual. It is strange, but actually how it works.

How the heck do you climb out of it? It seems like one minute I'm cruising by doing pretty good, and then I can completely fall through the floor into this vat of insecurity. It's so exhausting...

I tried many, many ways to climb out of it.

One major way I have dealt with the confusion and depression of AS is by having an information addiction. I put a lot of faith in the belief that acquiring a sufficient quantity of knowledge about the world would somehow help me rise above my AS. I believed that my confusion about the world - the feeling that everyone else knew something I didn't know - was due to my own naivete. I read a lot of books, watched a lot of films, wandered to strange random places, and clung to people whom I believed could teach me valuable things. I sought out intellectually interesting, wordly and knowledgeable friends and acquaintances - even if they hurt me. I felt very, very lost but I felt that at least I was constantly acquiring information, and clung to the hope that one day everything would suddenly make sense. Actually, the point when everything really made sense was when I found out about AS and got diagnosed; by then I was 32. I also had special interests and obsessions along the way which were wonderful temporary escapes from everything. The problem with my special interests though was that they have been a way for me to avoid the problems in my life rather than deal with them.

Sometimes the vat of insecurity cannot be avoided. I think the important thing is to be very, very kind, forgiving and gentle to yourself when it happens. Above all, do not blame yourself. Allow yourself whatever physical comforts you need to get through it (preferably non-hazardous). Also know that it will end... and one day life will feel beautiful again.

Thanks for that Sometimes I feel like everyone is carrying this key to greater clarity that I'm always chasing.
I do feel bad if it leads me to lash out inappropriately. My first instinct when feeling vulnerable is to go on the attack, which I'm trying to change.
How did your diagnosis help you?

Yes I can definitely relate to desiring the clarity & certainty that others seem to "naturally" have. But not if it means believing in something "untrue"...! !

I do sometimes lash out too, but try to restrain that aspect of me.

I want to reply to your question re diagnosis now but am literally falling asleep (typing this in bed on my phone)... Hope it's ok if i get back to you tomorrow... Zzzzzzzz

Thanks for that Sometimes I feel like everyone is carrying this key to greater clarity that I'm always chasing.
I do feel bad if it leads me to lash out inappropriately. My first instinct when feeling vulnerable is to go on the attack, which I'm trying to change.
How did your diagnosis help you?

night

I have those all the time, or thoughts that are similar to what you're saying. Like I keep on pining to be social, wishing I had better social skills, wishing I could be more confident without being odd, and wishing I could fit in and be part of a crowd and be accepted, included, and just liked. Well, I know I'm generally liked, but not many people can get to know me much because I'm so quiet, but I'm afraid to speak up more because of the fear of saying something odd. It's all just a vicious cycle and I don't quite know how to handle it.

And I look at other people's pictures on Facebook and they have pictures of themselves with their mates at bars, and I wish I could be in a photo like that, just to show everyone that I can do all those things aswell. I just feel so pathetic sitting alone in my room every week-end night, but I can't go out because I haven't got the social ability to do it, but also I'm afraid of being different. And every time I find out that one of my younger cousins has a girl/boyfriend, or is starting to go out clubbing, I start getting all depressed and just wishing - so much - that I was just naturally a born-socialiser.

It's not fair. And this is my obsessive emotional behaviour - constantly pining to be someone I will never be. But I can't seem to make myself not care. Maybe it's because of my age, maybe I am going through a stage where I desire to fit in and be like everyone else, yet knowing I am emotionally unable to do it is making me feel really bad about myself all the time. Maybe I will grow out of it and soon instinctively not care.

All I keep on asking myself is, ''if my mum fell pregnant a few days before/after she did, would I of been born NT?'' or, ''if my mum had fell in love with someone else, would I of been born NT?'' All these little questions go round and round in my head. I always just think the ''wrong sperm'' had reached the womb.

Dear god, yes, yes I do. I don't hate myself quite like how I use to when I was younger, I realized that was counterproductive because I am prone to severe depression bouts I just can't control(taking meds for that now) so I work hard not to force negative thoughts.

I have repetitive tics and hand motions I do and I severely obsess over certain subjects to my point where I burn out for awhile or end up feeling really lonely when other people don't reciprocate interest. Some of the interests are more harmless and just annoying while others kind of creep people out. It sucks and when I'm out in public I never know what to say or how to really break the ice so I just stay quiet and look away from people. I rarely ever go out anymore or get social interaction though, due to anxiety issues, paranoia and other stuff, I even exercise (jog) at bizarre hours to avoid people.

I use to be VERY obsessive when it came to relationships and certain people and to make a long story short, these always ended very painfully and I spent a long time feeling like you, looking at photos, feeling horrible. Eventually other bad stuff happened to me to make me forget or I just felt numb.

I think I'm changing a little. For about 3 or more years I've been obsessing about people staring at me in the street (as some of you here may know), but now I've come to realise that most people are looking at me because they want to say hello or want some other friendly gesture from me. I've learnt this from a vacation I went on last week, I went with my auntie, and I saw her gawping at a lot of people and she got a lot of hellos and smiles from people, until I started feeling invisible and starting to WANT them to look at me! So I started looking at people too and I got friendly hellos and smiles too, which made me feel more confident in myself.

Then since I came home I've started to force myself to look at people more, until it will come natural to me (just like it used to back before I got anxious about it). And I've found out that looking at people has made me look less nervous, and I've also found that most people don't look at me at all, or they're looking at the person I'm with and not so much at me, and if they do look they smile at me, and so on.

Yeah kind of.....and the worst part about it is its hard to explain to people that I can't just not think those thoughts, I mean its not like i want to think those things about myself but it just seems to happen. I think it has to do with my bad habit of internalizing things, but yeah the whole distracting myself or trying to ignore those thoughts and thing positively doesn't really seem to work.

I mean a lot of peoples response is 'quit feeling sorry for yourself.' and I feel like I would, but its kind of hard when my brain is constantly reminding me of every reason I feel bad about myself.

Edit: I put this in the wrong thread

I just hope the frustration of ''all my cousins have got better social lives than me and I feel like I am missing out'' will start to fizzle out soon too. It's causing a lot of depression, anger, and feelings of isolation. It's one of those strange feelings again where sometimes I try not to let it bother me yet other times I get so upset about it, and these thoughts can change within the space of 5 minutes.