*Poof* goes the safety net--help!!

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I was just told today that I can't receive any form of disability benefits because I'm not a US citizen. And Germany (my country of citizenship) won't help because I'm not a resident.

So, basically, I could be a blind, deaf quadriplegic with an IQ of 20, and the government would still say, "Tough luck, kid; you're not one of ours. Go live on the streets."

I know--I'm just autistic. And very mildly, at that. An Aspie. I should be able to provide for myself, and do all those boring work-and-school things that all the NTs do. After all, Bill Gates and Einstein are both Aspies, right?

But... it is getting very, very hard. Lately I have been worrying about whether I'm capable of providing for myself; and I was always reassured by, "Okay, I can always go on disability; I won't starve."

Now I know there's no safety net if I fall. And that scares me.

I have a part-time job cleaning a church, and I'm having a hard time getting to work. My sleep schedule is so out of whack, I never know when I'll be tired. I get trapped in obsessions; I get so stressed I don't want to leave my room--don't want to peek out from under my safe, heavy blankets.

As it is now, I'd never keep the job if it weren't that my boss has three autistic sons, and has made allowances that no one should ever have to make for any employee, disabled or not. I'm a very good worker--I'm perfectionistic and I'm good at what I do--but I'm a truly unreliable, very bad employee. He might still fire me. I wouldn't blame him; it would be just to do so.

The only reason I can tolerate my job is that I can listen to books on tape while I do it. If I don't have a book on tape or something else interesting occupying me, my stress level--don't ask me why--climbs up so high that my productivity drops and eventually I space out or start crying.

I need an interesting job--one that presents enough mental stimulation so that I don't go nuts. The problem is that most of those jobs--the vast majority--require a college education.

But college is out, too. I've got a three-quarters-finished physics degree; but recently my grades dropped (depression/ADHD/Asperger's combo) and I was given an academic suspension.

Question: How many colleges will accept you if you've been academically suspended?
Answer: No legitimate school. The ones that take your money and give you a fake diploma will take anyone, but you can't get a job with a fake diploma; and you can be deported for trying.

So now... I need to support myself. I have two possibilities.
College.
A job.
And both of them are becoming downright impossible.

Not to mention that, with over $100,000 in college loans to pay off, starting six weeks from now, any full-time job I could get (and miraculously keep, without breaking under the pressure of sheer mindlessness and ending up depressed--again) wouldn't even be enough to pay for food after all those bills.

I thought... that with government assistance, I wouldn't have to work right away; and I could go to college, and finish the degree, and get a good, interesting job that I could keep, and that would pay for the loans.

But today I found out that this wouldn't work. A friend at work, who has been doing some research for me on the subject, told me.

After finding that I couldn't keep my frustration in check, I went AWOL: I left work and went to the nearest library, which is where I feel at least a little more secure.

My future is so unpredictable right now. I'm scared.

There are plenty of opportunities to get better jobs. While you may be suspended academically, this does not mean you can't go to a community college for a semester (To make it so you're still a student and don't need to pay your loans quite yet) and then show those grades to your University (or potential new university). Indeed there are quite a few options You could go out and get vocational training in a field you enjoy.

The problem with todays world is that so many people think a college education is actually require before you get a job. Sure, it helps, but in the end your degree is only worth the paper it's printed on. True it might be able to make a few things easier when getting those harder jobs, however my father does RF Engineering for NBC. He has no college degree yet is able to fix and setup anything you could possibly imagine for a TV station. (He also understands about 100 times more math than those with degrees working with him). Never give up

EDIT: Feel free to speak with me Via AIM (or PM) if you'd like. I'd love to be able to help you with your plight.

I have only one community college in my area; and their applications, like everyone else's, ask me whether I've ever been academically suspended...

I'm restricted in finding a school, also, because I don't have a car or a driver's license; and there's no bus system in the area--so I need to find a school that does correspondence. This is hard to do without running into a lot of sham universities; and the legit ones, again, won't take me because I've been academically suspended.

I wonder if they knew they were ruining my academic life when they suspended me?

So here's the question:
Can you get a job in the field of science without a college degree, a driver's license, or a single bit of tolerance for boredom?

Based on community colleges in my area, I doubt they'd care whether you were academically suspended or not. I think they'd just want to know.

Seriously, their standards are really low and could give you a great opportunity to get your record back in the positive and then apply elsewhere to finish it off.

I initially went to community college because my HS grades were so sh***y by the end that no college would take me. Now I'm at a local uni and am doing well.

Callista,

I thought they helped EVERYONE except white anglo saxon males! Do they know you're a woman?

BTW don't be discouraged just because a question is asked. They may have some option, etc....

Try getting an MP3 player, and load it up with useful stuff. Try bringing a nice book. BTW do you have a workers visa? I think LEGALLY you need one to work here. Sadly though, most DO (at least OFFICIALLY) require you to have a degree. I interview LOTS of people I doubt have degrees.

Steve

Apply to the community college (provided you can access it, like many community colleges, they will probably be after your cash and not your brain, better for you though because it can help you get off of suspension). It never hurts to try and it seems you feel you have a lot at stake here.

It is very possible to get in to science with out the degree. It's just very, very hard. A few professions that don't require a full blown college education might include Invention (reinvent the mouse trap) or engineering (several places can give you engineering certifications and with your background in physics that shouldn't be too hard to obtain). You could also decide to write a book on a physics topic (The state and federal government tends to suspend debts and gives you money while you write a book. I do not know if this can apply for you as you are not an American citizen, but it never hurts to look it up).

I happen to be a Music Therapist, Educator, Computer Programmer, RF Engineer (Used to set Sat. Dishes and align them to satellites in space), and an all around scholar yet I don't even have a degree (yet, workin on it)and I'm only 21 years old. There is lots to do in life. Just gotta search and work your butt off as I've discovered.

You could also consider being a "non-matriculated" student. Most colleges have a limit on how many classes you can take under this heading, but you can take whatever classes you like, including core courses (so long as you meet the prereqs) and any prior grades or suspensions won't matter. As a one-time high school drop out, this is how I got my foot in the door at a private woman's catholic college on the east coast. I ended up with two degrees from there, because they overlooked my past indiscretions and only cared about how well I did *there*.

Have you given any consideration to becoming a citizen? Or is going back to Germany in your future?

As an employee in the US who is not a citizen you are obligated to pay taxes for services you are never allowed to access. Seems unfair to me.

A couple of things worth noting:

1) You are eligible for a deferment or forbarance if you can prove that paying your student loan would create an undue hardship on you and your family. You need to contact them now though rather than after the damage has occured

2) I thought Germany and the US had an agreement regarding social security.

3) You can appeal their decision based on the fact that you paid taxes into the system for so many years. I know many non-US citizens who have collected social security for retirement (my grandmother is one). In fact, my uncle, who is a Canadian citizen is collecting SSDI due to heart problems

The social security system is mostly designed to make you hire a lawyer who gets a cut when and if you collect. There is an appeals process and I would suggest that you look into it if you have been working and paying social security taxes in this country. I honestly think you are being fed a pile of bovine manure.

I have only been homeless once for about 6 mths but it would have been many times if not for social services and my parents helping out when I am going through a "bad time".Can your parents or other relatives help?I know this is really hard to ask at times but sometimes people are willing if we can humble ourselves to ask(and as a giving person yourself,you know how good it feels to be able to help....that lesson took me years to learn....give people an opportunity to help.)If that isnt possible,have you confided your situation to your employer?I am sure he can relate to the autism issues and is in a giving profession.Perhaps he knows of an organization or group that gives scholarships?

I am not sure about the school suspension think schools are in the business of making money and they want students.Where you aware of your AS issues when you where having difficulties, did the school do anything to help you?

I dont know what to tell you about the job situation.I have a BA in psych which is basically useless by itself.Most of my co-workers,not only have no college but can barely speak english.Everyday is a struggle with myself to return to work because it is so stressful....but I dont want to be a burden to my boyfriend....so I go anyway.I would love to find a job I didnt hate but dont know what I should do.
I dont think I would ever qualify for disability as I have been supporting myself for 15 years(with a helping hand from my parents once).I want to when the lotto ,sooooo badly.

Does Germany have a good system of disability benefits? Would you stand a good chance of getting them fairly rapidly if you were a resident, given that you're already a citizen? If the answer to both questions is yes, you might want to consider moving back to Germany. Maybe the church you work at would be willing to take up a collection to pay airfare for you.

I'll grant you that there are plenty of reasons to love the United States, but it's probably better to have a steady stream of income and benefits in Germany than to have a part-time job you'll probably lose in the United States. After all, Germany is a "first-world" country will all the modern amentities and so forth that the US has. You could live over there, get yourself broadband Internet, and still visit all your favorite English language Internet websites and so forth, living practically the same life over there with cable TV, a microwave, running water, and so forth. I'd imagine you could continue your gaming as well. Since your a German citizen, I'm assuming you probably even know the German language. And the form of government is even the same, a representitive democracy, if I recall correctly. Europe also tends to have more government benefits available to people who are disabled. The only downside might be lack of access to American entertainment, news, or sports programming, depending on how important those are to you -- but it's actually possible that there may be some way of acquiring access to those things over there on a limited basis.

I think the question to ask yourself is: What's keeping you in the US right now? It's not your job, it's not your schooling, it's not earnings potential. You list yourself as "asexual" in your signature file, so I am assuming it isn't a boyfriend or girlfriend or a spouse that is keeping you in the US either.

Wow!

I didn't know you were German!

You speak absolutely fantastic English!

Callista--I think others' advice about community college and then transferring to a four-year school is a good one. When were you diagnosed? If you were struggling at school because of your disability/ies, your suspension was wrongful--it may be too late/too much of a headache to deal with that now, but it's something you could definitely bring up to a community college admissions person if you apply and are rejected because of your past academic suspension. (It's sort of ironic, I suppose, that I'm trying to provide advice about "wrongful" anything because of a disability, since I was just terminated wrongfully from my job with the federal government and am not getting anywhere with them, but academic institutions *tend* to be much more liberal about civil rights/discrimination issues than--yes--even the U.S. government.)

(I was in college in some form or another until nine months ago [I'm 29], and I had much better support and services at the large, state university I attended than any other setting I've tried to function within. Of course, I registered with my college's disability services office and received accommodations most of the time I was there--something else you might want to consider if you go back to school.)

As far as working in the sciences without a college degree--I think you could easily get into laboratory technician work, but it might not be interesting/stimulating enough for you, in the long run, and, also, it would usually require a certification of some kind. You could also always call your state vocational rehabilitation office and tell them about your situation. (I got the job from which I was terminated with help from my state's vocational rehabilitation division.) I don't know how much help they could provide, if you're not a U.S. citizen, but it would definitely be a good place to start.

Like lbouchard suggested, too, a deferment on your student loan(s) is something I'm sure you could accomplish without much difficulty. I have dyscalculia (like dyslexia, but with numbers), and financial data makes me very anxious, but I got one of my student loans deferred very easily by completing a form on the loan provider's web site.

Going to help *anywhere* is a good start, though. De-paralyzing yourself through any means possibile will eventually lead you in the right direction.

Also, about the driver's license--I'm a U.S. citizen and have never had one. I've always used my passport.

I speak English well (and with no accent) because I was only six years old when I came to the United States; so I speak English as well as an American, and German as well as a German six-year-old. (If you admire my English, you may change your mind when I attempt to speak German!--I can't discuss scientific concepts, talk about business or politics, or even talk about pop culture or happenings on the Internet...)

For all practical purposes, English is my first language now. What is keeping me in America is that this is my home now; I have lived here for sixteen years of my twenty-three, and everything I know is here. Moving to a culture that would be only vaguely familiar and a language filled suddenly with many "big words" that I don't know... That would be frightening to me. I am, like many Aspies, a lover of familiarity.

Germany does have decent disability benefits, but not being a resident, or paying taxes, for sixteen years prior to my requesting said benefits could prevent it in my case.

Becoming naturalized as an American would be a more logical course of action, especially since it would be nice to have a small voice in the government through voting, but there are obstacles to overcome with naturalization, though not insurmountable ones:
1. A lot of transport is involved, and I don't know anyone who will take me to the homeland security offices--which are located halfway across the state--multiple times, and likely with less than a week's notice. Bus and taxi transport is expensive and stressful, but can be done...
2. I would have to pay fees for fingerprinting and other processing. These would number in the hundreds of dollars, and require me to get a credit card since I don't have this money immediately available. (If the naturalization "paid for itself", that would no longer be a problem; but it is a temporary obstacle.)

My employer's boys are still young and mostly nonverbal; so the issues he is dealing with are very different from the issues I'm trying to overcome. His boys have normal intelligence, but at this point he is still just hoping they will be able to learn to speak... I'm trying to earn a college diploma. So he is sympathetic, but not a great source of resources--other than a job I've kept much longer than I deserved to.

ljbouchard: This agreement the US and Germany have with social security: What do you know about it, or where can I get information about it?

aspiesmom1: A "non-matriculated student"--is that the same as taking classes "for personal interest"? From what I checked, it seems that usually one takes only one class at a time (which might not be so bad)...

There's still the problem of getting distance-learning classes in the field of science (and fairly advanced science at that) from reputable universities.

SteveK: Yes, that's right--I'm a woman, so I'm part of a 50% minority! Pity me! (Seriously, I never figured out why women feel so oppressed. People who are jerks will treat anyone badly, of whatever gender, and people who aren't jerks won't treat women any worse than they treat men. I did get told to take business math instead of algebra, because I was female; but that was by a person who was a jerk and would probably prevent a guy from learning how to cook, too.)

Anyway, yeah, I have a green card; I'm listed as "permanent resident" in the US. So that makes me a tax-paying worker... I've worked full or part time since age 16, and been unemployed (and in school full time) about one or two years out of that.

Just a thought Callista,if you are a German citizen you are entitled to move freely in any
of the European Union countries and any agreement the US has with Germany should apply
to the whole EU. In that case,from a language and cultural point of view the UK might also be somewhere to consider as we're the most 'Americanised' Europeans.
Still think you're best bet is probably working towards becoming a naturalised American
but it sounds tricky. It's a pity the government can't just accept you deserve to be a
citizen having lived there for 16 years !

I wasn't going to say this, but I will anyway.

I'm still impressed with your English even though you haven't been in Germany for very long!