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MindWithoutWalls
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25 May 2012, 5:10 pm

I sometimes seem to over-explain things and say the same things in several different ways, because I'm afraid I won't be understood or that I'll leave out some important part. This has occasionally caused others to complain or otherwise express irritation with me. I find this interesting, in light of the fact that I also sometimes under-explain, as though someone should know what I'm thinking or feeling just because I do.

Is over-explaining a kind of perseveration? Is under-explaining due to a lack of theory of mind?


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YellowBanana
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25 May 2012, 5:14 pm

In writing I am a chronic over-explainer. In speech I am a chronic under-explainer. Both irritate others. I can't get it right!


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redrobin62
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25 May 2012, 5:15 pm

I just looked on Wikipedia and it seems like perseveration is connected to Asperger's Syndrome. Your over-explaining, when it seems like your point was already made and fully interpreted, is an ASD trait which - for all intents and purposes - are normal for us.



TallyMan
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25 May 2012, 5:19 pm

I've always had the same problem. The difficulty is finding the correct depth of explanations to give people and I often misjudge and either over-explain or under-explain. I also have the habit of repeating myself, expressing the same thing in a different way because the person hasn't given me adequate feedback that they understood me the first time around - but possibly it is because I can't read their body language so don't know if they understood me or not unless they verbally tell me one way or the other.


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little_black_sheep
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25 May 2012, 5:48 pm

I do that myself quite frequently and it xannoys many people. Then other times they tell me I should haeve explained (to me) obvious things more extensively because nobody understood what I meant and that it was quite arrogant to assume they would know all the terms, etc. :lol:


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FishStickNick
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25 May 2012, 5:52 pm

In conversation I find I tend to make the same point over and over, or I keep coming back to the same thing. In writing, I tend to over-explain in some situations to remove any trace of doubt about what I'm trying to say. This leads to lots of asides and parentheticals in my writing.



2wheels4ever
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25 May 2012, 6:36 pm

When I try to verbalize something and try to leave out the fluff I get told I'm speaking in riddles, something like writing street direction I'll tend to throw in extra landmarks. In emails I find myself reiterating 3 different ways



zeldapsychology
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25 May 2012, 6:37 pm

MindWithoutWalls wrote:
I sometimes seem to over-explain things and say the same things in several different ways, because I'm afraid I won't be understood or that I'll leave out some important part. This has occasionally caused others to complain or otherwise express irritation with me. I find this interesting, in light of the fact that I also sometimes under-explain, as though someone should know what I'm thinking or feeling just because I do.

Is over-explaining a kind of perseveration? Is under-explaining due to a lack of theory of mind?


YEP! I over-explain aswell. I say "It's sunny but it's going to rain today." Hey did you know it was going to rain today? etc. :-) Also I can NEVER give a Yes/No answer "Are you getting in the pool?" Me: No I have to get the laundry done then clean my room them maybe I'll get in the pool. No quick YES/NO answer. :-) I also under-explain and my family doesn't understand what I was trying to say. :-)



GamingWolf
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25 May 2012, 6:41 pm

2wheels4ever wrote:
When I try to verbalize something and try to leave out the fluff I get told I'm speaking in riddles, something like writing street direction I'll tend to throw in extra landmarks. In emails I find myself reiterating 3 different ways


Oh goodness I'm told that too and then it's a wonder why I like being precise with my communication in the first place.



ScottyN
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25 May 2012, 6:42 pm

I have always tended to over explain things. It is definitely an aspie trait. If it bothers people, there is not much I can do about it.



btbnnyr
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25 May 2012, 7:09 pm

I do this too.

Eberrything has huge amounts of detail in my mind, and all the details are connected together in many different ways, so there is no end to the eggsplaining of this verry merry berry large mass.



bobbythebluesman
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25 May 2012, 8:58 pm

This is exactly why I keep coming back to this web site.

I do the same thing.

If I'm not an Aspie, I'm near Aspie.

Dumming down, over explaining, no friends, etc.

All but the stims and some other sensation symptoms.

Thanks for sharing.

Over-explaining and under-explaining could be an indicator of your "care" level.

When you care alot, you explain alot.

When you are ambivalent you explain less.

Yes? No? Maybe so?



edgewaters
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25 May 2012, 9:00 pm

Yes, I do this all the time, frequently right here even. And sometimes my posts are much too long-winded and someone comes along and says something that took me 3 large paragraphs, in a couple of sentences. That drives me nuts. It's commendable but infuriating at the same time.



Verdandi
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25 May 2012, 9:31 pm

I overexplain frequently. Last week my tendency to overexplain that I am not at risk of killing myself in the near future nearly got me hospitalized for being suicidal. The frustrating part was the person I was talking to interpreted my motives as "not wanting to answer" when I thought I had answered.

In text, I am a lot better about it, although there are times I have to lay out as many details as possible to feel comfortable I am communicating what I need to communicate.



GumbyLives
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25 May 2012, 9:31 pm

Yes, I over-explain a lot. My boss one time laughed and said she could always tell when it was me that had sent her a text message because her phone had to break it into six messages. I asked if I was writing too much and she just laughed and said "No, you're just 'thorough'". Since she also gets paragraph long emails now too, I'm not sure she'd still be so easy going about it.

Funny thing is, though, that I can also take yards-long complex info from someone or something else, and bring it down to a simple few sentences for others. I just can't do it on my own stuff.


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edgewaters
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25 May 2012, 9:51 pm

Verdandi wrote:
Last week my tendency to overexplain that I am not at risk of killing myself in the near future nearly got me hospitalized for being suicidal.


:lol: Made my belly hurt. It's not funny really but it would make a great skit, and its running in my mind.