What should I do or feel?

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I am sorry if this should go in random discussion. I was torn in trying to pick which. I picked this because I feel a NT would have a better idea of what to do and or feel.
I'm Dxed HFA, major depression, and anxiety. I am 40. I have been married for 10 years. We have a young child. My parents separated 18 months ago. We live about 3 hours away from them. The divorce has been final about 6 months. My Dad is gay, or at least BI. He has not talked to my Sister or I about this. The reason for the separation given to us was many other things. My wife said she was not surprised, it seemed like the whole time she knew my folks they were unhappy.
My feelings on this are complex, but not why I am writing this. I feel horrible for my Mom who lived in this situation for 45 years. I feel horrible for my Dad who felt like he needed to get married and have kids because that is what people do(or did back then). But of course if he didn't, I would not have been born. I try to be supportive of both as much as I can. But my Dad is on the spectrum without a Dx, so my support of him is basically not much. I exchange emails about once a month, I take him out to eat on his birthday. I let him see his granddaughter whenever he suggests it. My support of my Mom is listening to what she is saying and agreeing as much as possible.
This changed last week. First of all. Last week we lost our dog. She was sick for a while, but that Monday she was put to sleep. I asked my Mom to visit to help watch my daughter, because I feel wrong if I don't emote to her, and emote happily. That day I couldn't stop crying.
I guess my Mom felt I was taking my Dad's side on things. She talked about inheritance and sale of non shared property. I didn't care about money at that point. I fell like the divorce is final, nothing is going to change and worrying about it now is unhealthy.
Long ago my wife hinted that my Father was unfaithful to my Mother. I told her that was homophobic. Gay people don't cheat more that straight. But that was not what saying.
My Mom got a STD from my Dad ten years ago. She didn't tell anyone at the time. But since the divorce she started hinting to my wife that my Dad cheated on her. Last week my Mom told my Wife that he did in fact, and she had proof. The STD is not serious, that is nothing that will affect their health.
So this is why I am hurt and or mad. Why did my Mom tell my Wife.
Why did my Wife tell me?
If my Mom wanted a divorce because my Dad cheated, I understand. I think I would do so.
But she didn't. She stayed married to him.
Why reveal it now? Why not tell me?
I don't think it is any of my business to know. If she forgave him then, the forgiveness should include not holding it against him in the future. As long as he didn't repeat of course.
Getting a divorce is not repeating it.
Why did my Wife tell me. Is it not obvious my Mom is trying to stir up trouble? Is this not a great time for me not to be further stressed?
I don't have anyone to talk to this about.
I don't know how much my Sister knows, and if she doesn't, I will not be the one to tell her.
I am hurt and angry with my Wife and Mother.
How should I feel about my Dad? He cheated on my Mom. When I told my psychologist about this all she said was she wondered if it was with a man or woman and how would that make me feel. I don't know how I feel about anything except for that. I don't care. I do feel like my psychologist was clueless. How is that important?
You can emotionally cheat on your spouse. Have feelings that you do not tell him or her but do tell another person. I did that, but I didn't really understand relationships at the time, no excuse. I would be doing that now if I singled out one person to talk to about this who was not family or a mental heath professional.
So everything I know about relationships is yelling at me to talk to them about this. But I can't. I do not have the emotional energy to do so. There is so many things wrong. And it is both my Wife and Mom.
I don't know what to feel.
I don't know who to talk to.

I'm in no position to give you any advice on your situation because my life experiences are totally different from yours and cannot think of anything appropriate to suggest to you. I just want to express my sympathy to you in distress. Nothing is worse than having to feel angry/resentful towards the closest people in your life.

Firstly, now matter how close you are with your mum, as her son I would be very surprised if she felt comfortable discussing the sexuality of their relationship and STDs with you. She is likely to be very embarrassed.

Secondly, perhaps she feels that she would be damaging your relationship with your dad.

Perhaps your mum also is unsure how emotionally supportive you can be, even if you think you are, that is your perception as someone on the spectrum and may not be at the level of emotional support she needs.

I think the reason she told your wife, is because your wife is a woman. Maybe your wife wasn't meant to tell you but felt you had a right to know. Or maybe your mum didn't specify not to tell you when she told your wife. Or maybe she did want you to find out, but being too embarrassed to tell you herself she did it in a more subtle way by getting your wife to tell you.

Perhaps she doesn't want you to blame her for their marriage breakdown so wants you to know what your dad did so you understand it wasn't her fault or her choice that they divorced.

Try not to get involved in what's gone on between your parents, even though you are their son, their relationship is between them and all you can do is maintain a relationship with them both.

You don't need to feel anything, other than sympathy with them both that it didn't work out. Try not to judge or take sides because that could damage your relationships with them both. If either of them tries to offload complaints about the other one to you, say you don't want to get involved because you have to see them both, and it would be very unethical for them to do that anyway as you are still their child. You could tell your wife not to get similarly involved so that you don't get second-hand information all the time. If you need to talk, I'm sure your wife will be willing to listen.