Do things ever get better for us?

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I am so sick of having ups and downs, little friends, being a virgin, anti-social and having people think I am weird. Aspergers is a curse. I am so sick of misinterepting what people say and do, i am sick of not being able to understand directions properly and being ridiculed as an "idiot" or "lazy. I am sick of it. Nobody understands us. I am suicidal. I am depressed. I am getting older, as are my parents in their late 50s. I understand AS is a relatively new disorder, and we also look like the N.T. general population(people do not understand while we look like the dude down the block, we have a mind that is torturous. I wish they could experience what we go through, just ONE week).

I am sick, tired of life. I don't drink and never used drugs, but for the first time have been self medicating via potent prescription pain pills. I have a few Aspie friends and we understand each other well, we have the same interests and are obsessed with history and computers. I can't get along living like this. It pains me to know I will never be "like everybody else". I wish more people understood this disorder like many are beginning to understand homosexuality. But automatically us autistics or any type of mental illness or defect is automatically stigmatized, we should all become sterile and locked away until we die an early death(that is what the nazis wanted). I wish we had a bigger support group. I hope in the future AS is recognized as a true hardship and people try to understand what we suffer through day AFTER day. Modern society is not so understanding. I am not sure we have evolved, as those who act differently or do not conform properly are looked down upon, beat up and made fun of.

I do not see it changing anytime soon.

Aspergians with musical SIs can often improve their lot but are usually waved off as just a typical eccentric rock star. Artists the same thing but usually kill themselves young, leaving the archetypal footprint of the Tortured Soul. As for being a virgin I would probably still be if I hadn't lowered my standards a little and been in a place where something just sparked in them when I entered the room. Even then the experience was anxiety inducing, I was absolutely clueless, she gave instructions that were more like orders, and I didn't completely finish. Second time around was better, and the next partner was better each time. Sorry if I seem 'na na na na' I'm not meaning to be, just that better things come along and better times with better things. Anyway my ratio would probably improve if I did the pursuing rather than hang back and be the pursued, but it does happen, the trick is to make them see you without having to say a word

I've greatly improved my lot using my musical special interest. I now get an ok amount of money (as in, enough for a guy who lives at home and doesn't buy much other than music related things, which I usually just make myself anyway) through music, as well as some social interaction which I can tolerate better, because it all has to do with my special interest. I also have a lot of social opportunities because of the music. I teach bass and guitar lessons and am in several bands that regularly do paid gigs.

I am liked and respected because of my talent and love of music, despite my MANY eccentricities.





This is pretty much how all of my relationships started.

Like 2wheels, I'm not trying to go "na na na na", I'm just trying to point out that things indeed can get better.

Experience speaking here, you really don't want to pursue the above. You have enough on your plate w/o going for seconds.