a whole new world

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So, after spending a couple of weeks now ingesting as much inforamation as I can (not being able to be productive at work--i'm a research scientist--which upsets me), i'm starting to accept the possibility that I am an Aspie, as was suggested by my therapist coworker.
The more i read, the more i realize i DO have a lot of the traits i have read about. . .only they are manifesting more subtly. Like the whole stimming thing. I totally didn't think i did that because i pictured what every other uninformed person else pictures. . .hand flapping rocking. . .well apparently it isn't normal to walk down the hall in my office building making random noises. . .(i usually go down the hall saying things like "doot-do-doo" which I knew was odd, but now I'm realizing i make ALL kinds of noises). I also discovered that i constantly have to be doing something (bouncing my leg, chewing my cheeks, lips, cracking my knuckles--very unladylike I am told--and what not). in fact i went to see a new therapist (i've been treated for GAD for 7 years or more now), and the first thing she noticed about me was that I sat down and immediately started picked up the oil and water toy and started playing with it while i talked. . .apparently NTs don't do that. . .I also have thought i always make eyecontact, but apparently I start with eyecontact but then don't allow my eyes to continue to make eyecontact for the "normal" (some have suggested normal being ~30% of the time) amount of eyecontact. . .unless I'm comfortable.
So anyone else just discovering this whole new world that we live in? Anyone else realizing that they do things that are considered odd, that you didn't think you did when you first started reading about asperger's?

Me, just discovering it all. There are others like you out there, if it brings you comfort.

People around here are very helpful, so stick around.

Also, make smaller paragraphs, it looks like I'm reading Prost all over again

No, I'm a diagnosis veteran of 21 years but the first 22 years of my life (11 years of that) were highly uninformed. Like you though I'd never realized just how dialed-in 'normal' really is or how the most seemingly subtle differences, well below most people's conscious or conversational radars, have broad impact on not only a persons future but the accessibility of their social life and where they can realistically go.

Great post. I'd been in denial for a lot of years, passing off the anxiety and depression as their own entities. I've adapted to the NT world in a few ways but it wasn't until my last disappointing doctor's visit that I started my aspie journey of self discovery. Coming to WP I learned that some things just can't be faked, and I can't blame myself or anyone for those deficiencies. If it helps, try to remember the phone is just the phone; it can be a useful tool sometimes. Social gatherings; well they are hell but I usually aim to put in a good appearance for the host's benefit, and there's always the chance of meeting one's Other Half, it's part of why I go anyway. But I wonder how I could be an introvert since I like to be outside so much! Anyway, hope the stimming toys help, some meds just aren't much fun

I think for a lot of us over 25 stimming was highly discouraged, and yes, females are groomed to be more social. But it's like they trained away the outward signs but left us prisoners in our own heads, not recognizing speech patterns and the facial expressions as part of the neurological condition and rather taking it as a personal affront to them, conversely some of them are still quick to tell us not to take it personally. What's done is done though, I'm still in the early stages of waking up from a deep sleep and beginning to remember what morning feels like, metaphorically