After realizing/being diagnosed ??

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So after someone pointed out that I might have Asperger's (and I did a thorough investigation) I felt elation at first, because of the whole "finally, an explanation!". . .but now I am starting to realize just how different I really am from other people. This is kind of depressing me. I mean, yeah, I knew I was different before, I knew people didn't understand me and unfortunately at the time, I did start to question other people's intelligence (and my own as well). But now that I know that I actually do think differently from other people, and I really don't understand what is going on in other peoples minds, I'm startign to feel even more lost than I was before. . .
I'm not trying to bring anyone down. . .what I am really interested in is if any of you other adults (we'll say over 18) go through this up and down about your diagnosis??

Last edited by drgoodietwoshoes on 29 May 2012, 3:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yes, I'm currently in this phase. These have been some of my darkest times yet. Some days I'm extremely depressed to the point of being suicidal if I learn I did something wrong in my life because of my autism. These things happen every day and I work full time, live on my own with my hubby (married 10 years), rent an apt, take care of my parents' by helping them in the yard and at their other properties, have graduated a 2 year degree program blah blah blah... All of this "success" is only happening because I just am that intense about solving my life's problems. I'm too proud to go on disability and until a few years ago, too arrogant to accept anyone's help.

Anyway, there have also been some extreme joy in my life as well. I have a beautiful, pure, deep and loving relationship to another Aspie. I may b***h about him on here from time to time but I only do that because it's venting and sometimes I need a different perspective. Mine can be quite one-sided and narrow. I'm always grateful to others who point me on the right course.

Get support and maintain at least 3 positive relationships in your life.... why three? well, it's a nice number, you can pick another one if you like of course.

Welcome to the Planet. Enjoy your stay.

Also, now that you know about it you can start to tell yourself, 'It's okay, it's my autism, or Asperger's, whichever you call it' and realize what your behavior is and if it's harmful to others do something to understand and correct the situation. This goes a long way toward good relations with others, regardless of your diagnosis. I always try to apologize at the moment but I've learned to accept the fact that sometimes I'll just miss the opportunity and have to make it up to the person later. For some inexplicable reason, this always works. Especially when you pay them back a favor at a time they really need it and you're sincere about it. I know it's hard for me to do things I can't put myself behind 100%; sometimes good enough is so close to perfect it scares other people... Just try to focus on your strengths, which you'll find are numerous.

In my life I have ended up working for two other Aspies and with another Aspie coworker. My workplace is anything but typical, which is great for me. This is something to try to look for, keep in mind that what you really want ends up happening-- just as long as you adjust along the way with what comes to you. That can be excruciatingly difficult at times but I find meditation, a huge dose of mindfulness, and a lot of patience end up leveling me out in the end. If you're open to what happens to you with a clear idea of what you want, things can be quite wonderful indeed. It's really weird to write that after wanting to die yesterday but that's how it goes... I thought for a long time I had bipolar disorder but every time I'm depressed or anxious it's because something in reality has caused it. So there we have it.

Again welcome, you're among friends now.

I know this feeling a little. I think I am going out of the elation of 'I know who I am, and why I am this way' and now I'm starting to think all the what ifs (what if I'd known this when I was a child, what would my life be like now etc).

Since I've mentioned Aspergers to my family and boyfriend, I realise that I haven't managed to hide my quirks as well as I thought I had. Whilst I now have an explanation for the things I sometimes get wrong, I've also discovered that there are things I have been getting wrong that I hadn't even realised, and it has shook my sense of self a little. I'm not the person I thought I was, and I'm not the girlfriend I thought I was either. I suppose I'm seeing myself the way other people see me, and it's a bit of a shock.

I think the discovery process is a lot longer and more complex than it may at first appear. It's a life-changing thing and I'm sure it affects everyone differently. I think that once I have an official diagnosis my emotions will start to level out and I will feel acceptance. I think I would also like to meet another Aspie, because I've never met anyone like me before.

This is kind of exactly how I feel at the moment. Someone I know who works with autistic children first mentioned to me over a year ago that she thought I was very likely on the spectrum, and I sort of brushed it off because although I always knew I was a bit different to everyone else I knew, I had never considered it to be an actual "condition" or that I was that obviously different to others as I thought I had learned quite well to "fit in"

A few months ago I actually got to thinking about it and started to research it a little and I was absolutely stunned at how the spectrum fitted me and did a couple of the quizzes, and ended up speaking to someone from one of the autistic societies via email. It's a huge shock to the system really - I started to think about situations and stuff from my childhood and horrible teenage years and seeing everything from a different perspective. Although it is something of a relief to know that there's a reason behind it all, it is still hugely upsetting in a way. I'm not sure how to describe it really - a kind of sense of loss and feeling sad that it doesn't matter what I do, I'll always be like this. I'm also finding it much harder than usual to "fit in" - it is like now I know, I'm unable to keep it in as well as usual, which seems a bit odd, as you'd think being more aware would make you better at noticing and hiding less "normal" behaviours

I've not yet worked up to broaching the subject with my GP, or even my family, but I feel I need to have it properly confirmed because at least then I'll be able to explain to people (if I decide to tell them) why I sometimes react the way I do, or why I avoid social events and why I'm so rubbish at social interations, or maybe I'll be able to learn better ways of dealing with things

Anyway, I didn't mean to be gloomy I hope you manage to get support and that you are able to feel better about your situation once you have had time to get used to the idea. You're definitely not alone!

I am VERY familiar with this phase.

YES, IT PASSES.

Upon learning I had aspergers a few weeks ago at age 27, I was unbelievably relieved that i wasn't just some freak, finally knowing why I was so different, and, no, not that way that "everyone feels some time" (a phrase that has driven me very close to snapping on the messenger WAY more than once).

Yes, we all do feel that way sometimes.

But I didn't feel that way SOME of the time.

I felt that way ALL of the time.

My whole life felt like living in a foreign country unable to communicate with the people around me, watching in frustration as everyone around me seemed to do it at ease, seeming to form connections then being puzzled at wh I hadn't, the madness of never knowing why, and it always sounding like code or riddles when people gave you so called "common sense" advice.

Despite the relief, it also began one of the longest periods of my life, and I actually mean that, not that People use the term "emotional roller coaster" a lot. It's cliched, but yeah, that's how I felt, except my roller coaster was made up of nothing but literal straight drops down.

If you need an analogy as we frequently do, it was like the Tower of Doom at Elitch Gardens in Denver Colorado., No, not the Tower of Terror at Disneyland or Disneyworld. Critical difference with this analogy; Doom drops you straight down much faster and with less restraints around you; WAY more intense.

Or; it's like going through a second puberty.

For the first time in my life I was truly suicidal. It was the first time I truly wanted to die; not just thinking aboutt what it would be like to be dead but actually being so unable to look at anything, yes, literally ANYTHING, the same way that this strange thing I kept hearing and thinking about called "death" had to be better simply because it might be any different.

Wondering with every move; IS THIS NORMAL?

Every time my mouth opens to talk.

Every time I take one pace walking.

Every time I put on an article of clothing.

Realizing that I had said completely different things than what I thought I said to

EVERY
SINGLE
PERSON

That I had EVER interacted with.

Yeah, it's extremely overwhelming.

How many people have I offended?

How many people have I disgusted?

How many people have I alienated?

How many problems did I cause.

All without knowing it.

I spent a lot of that time lashing out at absolutely everyone, and I mean everyone; friends, family, blowing up on them like I never had before. Blaming everyone, including myself, for not
having spotted something that was no so obvious years earlier.

How many missed opportunities? How many years wasted? If only I had done (insert topic here).
--with women and dating, with work, friends, the military where I served five of my 27 years still feeling different but never knowing why, with literally everything.

I've been fortunate enough to have very forgiving family and friends, as well as access to a decent doctor and medication. It would have WAY harder to get through it without their understanding (but NOT IMPOSSIBLE). It might have taken a bit longer, but I know now that it would have passed, although it seemed then that it never would. I know this because of how much support ive learned from this forum that there really is for us,

After a few weeks of having difficulty being around anyone (much moreso than usual that is), I slowly but surely started feeling better, and yes, I mean actually better.

I started looking at SO MANY things as being different in a way that was actually good; how the bad boys that always seemed to get the girls really weren't as bad as I thought, nor were the girls the shallow, selfish c****s that I thought of them as, why it was a very good thing that nice guys finish last, how nice guys like me were actually bigger jerks than the players without even realizing it, and finding it so much easier to do these "simple" suggestions I constantly heard but could never process;

I learned that there is a lot more middle ground in just about evey area than I previously thought. It actually is possible to chase a girl without her (or even you) knowing, how to "just not think about it", to not expect anything from a gir to "just be confident", that it's okay if you say or do a stupid thing in front of people, that you CAN be a genuinely nice guy without being a pushover or an a$$hole, that it's only definition of "nice guys" that finishes last and NOT the nice guys themselves, how you have to get turned down a few, or even a ton, of times before

Finally, all this maddening crap I'd been hearing everyone spew all these years finally started making sense. Everything literally just started drifting into place. Things that were so confusing to me suddenly weren't as confusing (though I still get frustrated when I don't understand certain things right away), however, I'm much better at controlling it now.

And, yeah, it "just kind of happened"; that phrase that I'd heard so many times but always sounded like a code or a riddle and that I never thought in a million years would happen but now finally seems to be. Again, sorry, if this sounds cliche, but I literally cannot believe I am the same person I was just a couple of short weeks ago. I finally don't feel the urge to scream "WELL! WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?!?!" to every piece of advice I was given (though it does still pop in there).

Yes! that is exactly what happened. The person who suggested it to me had suggested it once before when I had trouble at work and I brushed it off. . .this time, when he suggested it, I gave him the benefit of the doubt 'cause a couple of weeks ago i had done the AQ test for fun and scored above the threshold. . .
I think I'm going to talk to my psychiatrist, but I don't think I'll pursue a diagnosis. I will ask him if he knows of a therapist who can work with AS patients. . .now that I know what work I need to do with myself I'm hoping my therapy will be more productive. . .

Thanks for the responses you guys!! !

I am still in this phase, nearly two months after realizing I may have AS. A couple years ago when I was struggling at work, my boss told me that a coworker had wondered if I was a little autistic. I brushed it off at the time, but it did make me wonder if said coworker was onto something.

When I finally did realize that I may have AS, my initial thought was, "This explains everything." It basically accounts for all my quirks, and everything that has always made me feel a little different than those around me. And once you know about it, you can't unsee your aspie traits for a while. When I told a few close friends and family members, their responses were largely along the lines of, "I always knew there was something different about you." Becoming cognizant of the fact that I've always stood out has been an interesting experience--I'm not even sure how to describe it.

I've had nights where I lie awake, wanting to feel like my normal self again (well, normal for me, anyway). It's been really difficult for me to function some days. I keep trying to tell myself I haven't changed--that I'm still the same person I was before but I now have a word to describe a lot of my quirks. It helps that I have a community (and an awesome one at that) that I can relate to.

Well, I have always felt like an alien stranded on this planet. I have even recognized as long ago as 1981 that my thought patterns did not match those of my classmates..
No official dx as of yet, but I certainly know this feeling. When I learned about HFA/Asperger's I only realized how much more I actually am from my co-workers. It is a lonely feeling, really..

Sincerely,
Matthew

I think I know what you mean. For me, it's like a rollercoaster. Some days I feel like a weirdo some days I enjoy being different.

I feel a bit envious of those diagnosed later, because I was diagnosed at a young age (with HFA), so I don't really remember what it was like being diagnosed, but I know that I pretty much had no opinion about it - wasn't shocked, wasn't elated, wasn't happy or sad about it, didn't really understand it because I was too young to. I also got horrible "help" in the schools I went to and such, due to the diagnosis. Going to a special school at the time, where I live, would have been worse "help" though.

So far I haven't had any real problems knowing since I first discovered that there was a definite possibility that I could have AS and since I realized I fit the criteria for a diagnosis, but never actually got diagnosed. The only problems I do know though is I sometimes wish I might have gotten an official diagnosis sooner, because most people who know me don't have any idea and don't understand the issues I have and I often get treated as if its my fault when it's not. With an actual diagnosis some people might have been more understanding.

I've had my diagnosis almost my entire life, and even if people know, they'll often still treat you as if it is entirely your fault. (at least, this has been the case for me.)

Yeah, I highly suspect that whether or not another person knows your diagnosis, they would still think it is your fault. I think that is because, just like we don't understand NTs, they don't understand us. . .my husband doesn't care if i get a diagnosis or not (he was getting fed-up with me perseverating on it for over 3 weeks now). He pointed out that I'm still going to be me with or without the diagnosis. . .I won't be able to change anything, I'll still be doing the same things i do now. . .my husband is ever the practical one .
Although as I write this I do have to say that one of the things that clued me in to my problem was that the lady at work who was helping me with my interpersonal skills got all fed up with me and I didn't know why. I distinctly remember her saying that I kept making the same mistakes with people even though she knows that I'm listening when she talks about that kind of stuff and that she didn't actually think I was doing those things on purpose and that she really didn't think I was aware of what I was doing. That was when my other co-worker (a therapist) pointed out the AS (for the second time). When I told the lady (who i considered a friend), I think she felt a lot better. . .

Well maybe some might be understanding, even if not everyone else is.