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I've just discovered this webb site.

I have a 11 year old with Autism and now has violent tendencies, a 13 years who we are waiting to find out if he has some form of Autism and I think my husband is Autistic.

Help I fell like I'm on the wrong planet sometimes!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !

welcome to the site. i'm sure you'll find a lot of support here at WrongPlanet.

We allways complain being an Aussie in a neurotypical enviroment is problematic, but I think its even worse for a NT in an aussie comunity.

I shall look up a few things. I hope others can help you in the meantime.

Try removing possibly allergy and digestive problems. Sugar, wheat, gluten, milk, peanuts, and see if it gets better.

Steve

Welcome to Wrongplanet!

I think you may have AS!

This is a great place!

Dont you say that to everyone Larsen?

Anyways as others have stated: Welcome.

As far as the little ones violence is concerned thats usually the result of sensory overload and/or unmanagable/uncommunicable frustration.

For the rest of the family and your understanding of them, your in the right place to learn.

While no two autistics are exactly alike we all share some things in common so this is a good place to get a general idea whats going on inside their heads.

She was so adamant in her happiness about joining this forum, I just had to say that!

Thanks for coming back to me.

Yes I am very happy to have found this site.



With regards to my youngest we haven't tried restricting any of his food because it has only really started within the last few months.

You can see he is very frustrated when he's angry, plus he is non verbal. He bits himself and self harms, he harms my husband and have now started on me because I try to stop him hurting my husband. I just feel I want to help him but don't know how!! ! It just makes me want to cry!! !

I understand how you feel. I've been through people like that.

Where are you from? It's taken me a while to process what you said, but I know what you mean!

What types of communicating methods have you tried - sign, PECS, ect? It might be that he is ready to communicate but doesn't know how to connect since this seems to be a recent thing.

First you need to figure out the source of his frustration (I know easier said than done).

You cant combat his coping behavior you have to correct the source.

Also try to remember that trying to physically restrain his actions is a big no-no. Touching his wrists in the process is a major no-no and either action will only serve to escalate his distress.

If hes self-harming and anyone touches him they then become the new target of his violence until they let go and allow him to continue (or he calms down whichever comes first).

Your best bet is to reduce his sensory stimulation (dim the lights, turn off everything thats making noise, dont speak, etc), refrain from touching him in any way and try to distract him with something hes facinated with.

Every ASD person has something that calms them as an alternative to self-harm its just a matter of finding out what that is.

I always thought that distracting a kid could cause spoiling.

When my younger brother started misbehaving at a young age, my parents never tried to take care of the problem, the'd try to change the subject. Now my brother is Hulk Hogan on 50 cans of Monster Energy every half-hour.
(He's an NT.)


But then again, I'm wrong on many subjects. But hey, I hope things get much better for you.

Redirecting is pretty common parenting fare - and one of the main reasons it is advised for meltdowns is because you generally don't get anywhere when someone is in the middle of a meltdown because they are overloaded. Which is why I dislike the term tantrum when referencing meltdowns or overloads because it then becomes associated with bad or manipulative behavior. However - if a child is NT than they might very well be having a tantrum and then they need to be shown that they are not going to be rewarded for that behavior.

Yeah meltdowns are when the child goes wild because they cant handle the stress theyre under anymore while tantrums are when a child wants something. Two totally different things.

The best thing to do is to find and recognize the signs of an impending meltdown (covered ears or eyes, furious stimming, rocking, loud humming, etc it can vary wildly) then head it off before it starts but after its started theres not much you can do to stop it and most things will only make it worse.

I would say that probably 90% of his meltdowns are because we have told him he can't do something like for example picking the paint of a radiator and have told him the word 'no'. I can normally get him out of the meltdown by staying calm and ignoring him and after a while he calms down. But with my husband he'll keep going for anything from 15 mins to 2 hours.

And the other 10% is real frustration.

His school have started a few means of communication but no proper system.

He has been near to scratching his teacher as well which is a bit worrying.

My husband showns some of my sons problems in a smaller scale which doesn't help matter when dealing with the meltdowns, that's why I think my husband has autistic tendancies as well. Heaven help me if I told him that.

I am sending this from work so wouldn't be answering this until Monday. My husband wouldn't under me doing this.

All our problems with my son are starting to affect our marriage because my husband is getting depressed (he is the main career for our son) and I feel like I'm being pulled both ways.

I would suggest you write a list of all the events that proceed a meltdown...being told "no".

Some of them can be eliminated by removing the "temptation" from his environment(similar to locking up the shoes that a puppy likes to chew on.)You cant "blame the puppy for chewing...it is their instinct and part of teething.So,you need to find away for them to do the behavior in a non-destructive way.As an example,your sons picking off the paint....auties and aspies love to pick....I loved to pick scabs(stilldo)and use to pick my nose(social stigma broke me of that...lol)there is something compelling and satisfying about getting the edge of "something" and removing it....maybe you can try stickers?There are many learning games that use stickers.I think it is a form of stimming...this can be from sensory overload(self calming)or from lack of stimulation...if it's the later,he needs a constructive way to be stimulated.When do you see him fully engaged or smiling during an activity?What are his interests?Try and make them accessible to him when he is doing destructive stimming.I dont think that "spoils" a child.We all need stimulation and if the "normal" things...like language,TV,video games,friends,arent available to fulfill that need....we will replace it with whatever is around.

As far as your husbands behavior.If he is some where on the spectrum....he may have been raised like I was,with a lot of negative enforcement to change autistic traits.He maybe carrying around these messages from his own childhood.I was so "traumatised" by my constantly getting in trouble,that I chose not to have children because I was afraid I would do it to my kids.I still get very angry when I hear kids "sassing" their parents,being loud in public,running in the house,etc.It literally makes me want to scream when kids are just being "kids".I think if your marriage is going to survive,your husband is going to need to look a little deeper into his own reactions to his son.Good luck.