safe trying to copy nt's-lost(and happy)being an asperger

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hi i'm kind of new here.

i recently discovered what aspergers are, because my son has social trouble,
and as you might guess, discovered myself ... and especially found a good explanation
of being unemployed for so long, being bullied at school when i was younger,
these extreme obsessions wich do not seem to haunt other people in the same way and many other things

this made me really happy, glad to be able to analyse myself with a reasonable chance to succeed, understanding a lot of things (why a lot a people made all this fuzz about me and why people always remember me, why i'm so unusual, why other's can't understand things that are so clear to me -especially literaly things-, why i'm so straight to the point and why that hurts other people,why i can't understand conventions, my cameleon behaviour etc)
it also made me happy to know there are other people just like me.

and all my contrasts rational-hysterical, shy-rude, joyful-depressive, creative-boring, analytical-lost, etc.

but i'm so confused at the same time ! !! !
not knowing of being an asperger in the past,has caused that i had the habit of 'trying to be an nt'
and although i somehow knew i'd never succeed, it's something i've been doing for so long that it made me feel safe, i knew what to do, how to act, even if it was always a failure, i had the hope i'd succeed one day...

an exemple : i went looking for this 'one' meaning (let's call it number 77) nt's always talk about, so i went, even if for me there where at least a few hundred possibilities, looking for this 'one'. and i came up with number 23, which was wrong of course .
now knowing about asperger i realize i'm not capable of regognizing these nt's numbers and will never find it, so there is no reason looking for it. (if only they would use numbers ... )
this helps me a lot because i don't like doing useless things, but i feel so lost,
i am so used to going to look for this number and now i have to find another aproach.

i have to think about emotions again, i copied so many, i told people what they want to hear, i've hidden indifference because it's 'very wrong'
but i'm already in my thirties now and can now finally admit to myself who i am , and try to find out what that means.

it makes me very unsure, is there anyone who recognizes this and perhaps has some kind of solutions ?

this forum helps a lot , i feel so free to think about things here. (as if i can be proud of my failures because it makes me belong to a group of people having these same kind of failures)

Hi, I'm glad you have found the new level of self awareness that you have been looking for. Much of what you describe sounds familiar. Of course for me I've always had a bit more of a stubborn streak. I went through life just assuming everyone else was insane for doing all those illogical things, I was normal, and was quite happy to leave it at that!

I encourage you to keep exploring yourself, particularly in getting in touch with your emotions as best you can. It really helped me when I could begin to become more aware of my emotions, how they work and how other people expect them to work. Then I could choose when best to keep them hidden and how best to use the valuable information they give me.

While it may be tempting to be proud of our problems in order to feel that sense of group solidarity I would encourage a little balance there. Instead, accept your weaknesses as ok, and part of you and be proud of your strengths. Those things that make you different to others, the ability to be logical and avoid much that is simply ridiculous, the focus. Whatever it is that makes you you! You most certaintly aren't a failure and likely you have much more potential than you've ever realised and just didn't understand yourself well enough to harness it all. But it is never too late to begin!

Good luck and I am glad you've found a group that you feel you can belong to.

Regards,
Wedrifid.

ppl have suspected it and brought it up in th e past, but i never thought about much till lately(hs sophmore) comming here and finding out that there is a reason im so diff. made me fell a lot better. im glad it helped u too, but im also sad it took so long...

welcome to the forum, I think quite often people have social problems through life then suddenly it clicks into place why, welcome to wrong planet I hope you find the forum helpful and informative.

yes you'r probalby right , i'll have to find a new balance (and being proud of a failure is indeed not a good idea, maybe i just ment it as a figure of speech)

thank you, it's nice to be welcome !

never mind the past it's over blackcat

and i'm doing well for the moment (i had forgotten i was rather intelligent but i started studying again and got gr distinction the last two years, now third year, english literature with a minor in comp techn)
and our 2 kids our doing great, our asperger boy as well, it's so nice to see him happy, he's got a good teacher.

but that doesn't mean i'm less confused
some professors are trying to hurt me (maybe because i don't attend any classes, or because i seem so 'unrespectful', although i'm very polite i think)

hopelessly lost without my old attitude, desperately seeking a new one,
a 'who am i'-question accompagning me

thanks fresco, i wonder if you have a special thing with your name (i like fresco's)

i'm sure i find a lot of answers here, i already noticed that the rate of topics i can relate to is very high, whether it are serious ones or intended nonsence. it really seems like a lovely place here !