Being in public and how it makes you feel

Page 1 of 2 [ 17 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

amboxer21
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 23 Jun 2011
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 350
Location: New Jersey

07 Jun 2012, 1:17 am

I find being in public places like malls so difficult!! ! There is so much going on like it's so noisy or there is so much movement. Also, for some reason I walk super freaking fast lol So I stick out like a sore thumb!

The main thing though is while I am walking, and the people passing by me look at me. I am not sure if I am supposed to smile or nod or look for only a few seconds if I dont want to say high. Its so confusing and makes me uncomfortable!

So, I just look at the floor or if I make eye contact with someone, I look away really fast and stare at something while I pass the person. So, I am pretty sure this makes everyone i pass uncomfortable! If i am in direct line of someone I am not sure weather to look at them or look at the ground until they get within a certain amount of feet then smile or nod. So I pull my phone out or ipod and fidget with it until they pass.

My Itouch helps me deal with the noise and uncomfortable feeling. Its just the passing of people that makes me so very uncomfortable, cuz like i said.... I have no idea what to do. So avoid interaction by passer byes makes it uncomfortable for everyone involved.

Its not just at the mall. Its at the beach, at the boxing gym when I used to box. Its at the store while in line.

Anyone else experiencing this? have you found a way to cope or a work around? I have found that if I do obnoxious things in public it lets me feel normal and comfortable. Like for instance, if i wear booty shorts to the mall, i can hold my head high and smile and feel normal. Or if i wear a speedo and a santa hat on the beach in the middle of summer wishing everyone a merry christmas, it makes me feel comfortable and able to tolerate being in public.

Idk, so anyone have this issue??



Chris71
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 24 May 2011
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 208
Location: Netherlands

07 Jun 2012, 1:39 am

Places like shopping malls, stations and airports really stress me out.
Not because of sensory issues though, but because I get wound up about the stupidity and amount of inconsiderate people. People who block busy sidewalks with their baggage or shopping carts. People who abandon half-empty coffee cups on seats at waiting areas at airports. Clueless dopey people who get to the X-ray security check at airports then spend 10 minutes emptying their laptop case and taking off their coat.

Just like driving, for me it is the idiotic and inconsiderate people around in public places that gets me stressed out, not sensory issues.



vanhalenkurtz
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 May 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 724

07 Jun 2012, 2:20 am

amboxer21 wrote:
Its not just at the mall. Its at the beach, at the boxing gym when I used to box. Its at the store while in line.


These are all places to be avoided at any cost.

Well, beaches are fine if no one else is there.


_________________
ASQ: 45. RAADS-R: 229.
BAP: 132 aloof, 132 rigid, 104 pragmatic.
Aspie score: 173 / 200; NT score: 33 / 200.
EQ: 6.


PTSmorrow
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Mar 2011
Age: 65
Gender: Male
Posts: 719

07 Jun 2012, 3:34 am

Chris71 wrote:
Places like shopping malls, stations and airports really stress me out.
Not because of sensory issues though, but because I get wound up about the stupidity and amount of inconsiderate people. People who block busy sidewalks with their baggage or shopping carts. People who abandon half-empty coffee cups on seats at waiting areas at airports. Clueless dopey people who get to the X-ray security check at airports then spend 10 minutes emptying their laptop case and taking off their coat.

Just like driving, for me it is the idiotic and inconsiderate people around in public places that gets me stressed out, not sensory issues.


Yep. I'd add those who cross the sidewalk without looking what's behind them, walking on the wrong side, and so on.

Shopping/malls, i generally avoid eye contact. If you're unsure about it, you could wear dark sunglasses, so nobody will notice. Hoodies are great too.



Rhiannon0828
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 20 Apr 2011
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 434

07 Jun 2012, 7:21 am

PTSmorrow wrote:
Chris71 wrote:
Places like shopping malls, stations and airports really stress me out.
Not because of sensory issues though, but because I get wound up about the stupidity and amount of inconsiderate people. People who block busy sidewalks with their baggage or shopping carts. People who abandon half-empty coffee cups on seats at waiting areas at airports. Clueless dopey people who get to the X-ray security check at airports then spend 10 minutes emptying their laptop case and taking off their coat.

Just like driving, for me it is the idiotic and inconsiderate people around in public places that gets me stressed out, not sensory issues.


Yep. I'd add those who cross the sidewalk without looking what's behind them, walking on the wrong side, and so on.

Shopping/malls, i generally avoid eye contact. If you're unsure about it, you could wear dark sunglasses, so nobody will notice. Hoodies are great too.


If you wear dark sunglasses inside and/or the hood of your hoodie up, people may not notice the lack of eye contact, but people will definitely notice you. In fact, in many establishments, it's a good way to get security called on you, especially if you "act strangely" in other ways as well.


_________________
"Meddle not in the affairs of dragons; for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup."


jetbuilder
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2012
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,172

07 Jun 2012, 11:26 am

I don't have too big of an issue with being in public. I'm more anxious than usual, but I can function pretty well. Something I started doing is keeping my ipod on me at all times and listening to it while at a store. It actually helps more than I expected it to. It's like I'm in my own world. It gives me an excuse not to interact with people if I don't want to.

I started listening to my ipod at work and it helped a LOT. I work in the shop of a dealership so it can be pretty loud. With my ear buds in, it blocks a lot of the noise and I can focus on my work and have some good music or an audiobook to listen to.


_________________
Standing on the fringes of life... offers a unique perspective. But there comes a time to see what it looks like from the dance floor.
---- Stephen Chbosky
ASD Diagnosis on 7-17-14
My Tumblr: http://jetbuilder.tumblr.com/


lostgirl1986
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Feb 2012
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,418
Location: Ontario, Canada

07 Jun 2012, 11:30 am

i do, especially lately. Any crowded place like a mall, theme park, festival or concert I get really overstimulated and frustrated. I basically have a meltdown. I never used to be like that when I was a younger teenager but ever since recently it's become really bad. I hate crowded places, especially when it's hot outside. If I feel like I'm having a meltdown I try to find a nice, cool place to sit where there is less people and I take a break for as long as I need to.



Dillogic
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Nov 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,339

07 Jun 2012, 11:35 am

It's hell, man.



Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 26,492
Location: UK

07 Jun 2012, 12:09 pm

I can't wear dark sunglasses unless I'm outside on a bright sunny day, otherwise I feel rather claustrophobic when indoors with dark sunglasses on, I feel I have to take them off once I'm indoors. And people still stare at me even with dark sunglasses on. Well, they stare when I'm not even looking at them because I can feel their gaze.

If less people stared at me, I would feel more confident to go out in public and enjoy myself better. I've lost all confidence in myself and have developed a silly attitude of calling myself hideous and dopey-looking, and when people say I look normal I just answer back, ''would a normal-looking person get laughed at???'' A few months ago I had just come back from having my hair all done, and it looked lovely, and I really looked more my age with it and I also felt more confident, and I was actually excited of going out in the street. I didn't look too snobby or too weird or too whatever, I just looked like an ordinary young female of my age (had hair like a lot of girls have their hair now), and I was also in fashionable clothes and had not long brought a trendy handbag, but as soon as I got into the supermarket to buy something for lunch, I saw two girls laughing at me. I had never seen them from anywhere before, and I wasn't even somewhere I went very often so I wasn't recognised, but this supermarket was so busy I didn't think I would be noticed by anyone (not that I was doing anything noticeable anyway). All I was doing was choosing a sandwich and walking off, what's so hilarious about that?

So when I got home I cried and cried, wondering what the f**k I was doing wrong. Then I looked through a fashion magazine and I compared myself roughly to the people in the fashion magazine and I didn't look much different to how they dressed and had their hair, and then I stared at myself in the mirror and looked normal, so I don't know what I was doing wrong. It's not that I can't physically cope in public, because I can. I have learnt to hold myself up straight like other people and just look normal. I don't flap my hands or powerwalk round shopping places or walk in any other unusual way.

So, here's the answer: I'd better not be out in public any more because I think I inadvertently dance around like a lunatic with my underwear round my ankles, drawing attention to myself and drawing laughter. Or when I go out I grow another head. And that wasn't the only bad experience I've had with people in public, so my idea is to not go out any more and become a hermit. What a f*****g life.


_________________
Female


Last edited by Joe90 on 07 Jun 2012, 12:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

reecare
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 27 May 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 63

07 Jun 2012, 12:15 pm

With crowded places, I have this weird thing where I can't stand not being able to take full strides and stretch my legs long enough! I have long legs, and it's terribly annoying! additionally I hate eye contact with strangers and being seen in general in public. It's also horrible if you see someone you know from school or work, but you're not friends or acquaintances with them, so you just walk by, silently. Ugh.



Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 26,492
Location: UK

07 Jun 2012, 12:20 pm

I have no problem with seeing people I know in public and stopping to have a quick chat. But passing people in general is also hard because I spend my whole time concentrating on where to put my eyes. I don't like to look at other people because of the fear of catching them peering at me, but I don't want to look away either because I fear I might look nervous and I can feel stares from everybody as though the world's coming to an end for them if I'm not looking at them, and then that makes me feel worse because I get confused with feeling stares and knowing whether it's all in my head or not, then having doubts that it's all in my head because I've often felt somebody staring at me and I looked up and they are staring right at me. One of these days I feel like saying, ''you enjoying yourself there?'' in a calm but intimidating voice.

When men pass they usually give a smile or don't look at all. When women (mostly of any age) pass they're usually staring at me like I'm a freak.


_________________
Female


AdamAutistic
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 May 2012
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,476
Location: Rhode Island

07 Jun 2012, 1:59 pm

i dont even notice other people when i am out in public. i really like just getting out of the house.


_________________
Living Nintendo Database.
Mute Ameslan Signer.


btbnnyr
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 May 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,359
Location: Lost Angleles Carmen Santiago

07 Jun 2012, 3:17 pm

It depends. I like to walk around outside, where there are trees and flowers and bunnies and beaches. I don't like to go to bright loud crowded enclosed places like malls, where I feel overloaded and want to get out as soon as I go in. I also don't like artificial amusement parks full of people, but I do like going to sports games, or at least the one baseball game that I have been to at Fenway Park, I really enjoyed.



League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 27,205
Location: Pacific Northwest

07 Jun 2012, 3:31 pm

I don't mind being out in public. If I have been out for too long, I start to feel anxious and wanting to go home and I feel burned out and exhausted even though I had fun. I tend to block people out too but I try and pay attention when I am walking so I am not cutting them off or walking too close to them. I often feel like I am in a obstacle course when there are people. I used to make it a game in high school to see how less kids I literally bump in the halls and see if I can get to class without anyone touching me or me touching them. Sometimes I still feel nervous asking for help in stores. Sometimes I start to feel anxious or stressed when I have to do things that have to be done. That is why I take so long to get stuff done or why I will go to the same places or get the same food. I know what to expect and it's predictable so I am calmer that way and it's not as stressful.


_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses.


jetbuilder
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2012
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,172

07 Jun 2012, 3:39 pm

League_Girl wrote:
I don't mind being out in public. If I have been out for too long, I start to feel anxious and wanting to go home and I feel burned out and exhausted even though I had fun. I tend to block people out too but I try and pay attention when I am walking so I am not cutting them off or walking too close to them. I often feel like I am in a obstacle course when there are people. I used to make it a game in high school to see how less kids I literally bump in the halls and see if I can get to class without anyone touching me or me touching them. Sometimes I still feel nervous asking for help in stores. Sometimes I start to feel anxious or stressed when I have to do things that have to be done. That is why I take so long to get stuff done or why I will go to the same places or get the same food. I know what to expect and it's predictable so I am calmer that way and it's not as stressful.


I can relate almost perfectly! When I'm rolling around a store or the mall in my wheelchair, it is like an obsticle course! It's fun :)


_________________
Standing on the fringes of life... offers a unique perspective. But there comes a time to see what it looks like from the dance floor.
---- Stephen Chbosky
ASD Diagnosis on 7-17-14
My Tumblr: http://jetbuilder.tumblr.com/


CallMeAllie
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 21 Nov 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 28

09 Jun 2012, 1:56 am

Sometimes I do better than others. I don't like the feeling that people might be staring at me, that I will have to think of what to say or do next related to people. I usually do okay but sometimes I come across (I think) as standoffish because I just don't know how I'll deal with any situation that comes up. It's easier to focus on what I have to do and try not to have too much to do with people.

Sometimes I feel like it's all a big test every time I'm in public, but it's one I'm failing because nobody told me the rules. Today the rules are smile and say thank you, tomorrow the rules are have a conversation (without predefined limits), and the next day the rules are keep quiet and don't say anything. And nobody tells me in advance.