Extreme sensitivity to certain things

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Hello,

I'm 19. I really don't know if i have Autism or Asperger's. But i'm starting to consider that i might be autistic, or atleast on the spectrum. I can't remember much from my childhood but my father says that there was a time where he did not allow me to go to school alone on a bicycle because he thought i would crash into objects and stuff. So i might have had a bad balance, that was sure to be fixed by the athletic sport i did afterwards. In both junior high and high school i had only 1 friend. I never thought i was a part of the social clubs around me, not sure if i wanted to either. I was bullied severely and ended up skipping school alot because of this. My father also told me i had a habit of destroying stuff, hitting people. But that could also be the trauma i had from my mother passing away at 3.

The last few years i have been having less and less contact with my family, i simply don't discuss anything with them or even talk to them. Even though they are friendly and helpful. I'm not sure if i had this all along but it seems the last two years i'm having alot of issues when it's dinner time. I can't stand their loud chewing, loud talking.. Talking about dumb stuff, repeating themselves over and over. Or talking about my most despised subject; Soccer.

When they do talk about Soccer i mentally freak out, i just can't stand it one bit. It's even worse when they watch it on the television.. The moment i hear it i feel rage and depression coming up, i get very fast paced and want to get the hell out of there. Certain player names, or soccer program jingles haunt me when i hear them. I used to be able to get away with being only irritated and a little bit sad but my tolerance level is dropping every day. The last few weeks i started to cry whenever it happens and have a tendency to destroy things.

Also i have a hard time looking straight ahead of me while outside, it's like i have a bad tolerance for light levels, but also inside buildings. Whenever my anxiety gets more i feel like my eyes are tensing up to the point where it seriously hurts and i get a headache from it. And i have had a severe addiction the last three years, i smoked marijuana every two hours of every day to feel normal. But i quit 4 months ago.

I have this appointment with a Autism expert in a few days and i wonder what kind of things are valuable to say, i know that most of the time i have lots to say to therapists and stuff but when i am actually there my mind is blank. So i might need help on this one. And i wonder if there is any other disorder that has similar symptoms to what i described? Alright sorry for the incoherent mess i just felt like i wanted to talk about this.. any help is appreciated!

Oh and if forgot to mention i have alot of trouble with my gender aswell, i heard somewhere that that is common in Asperger's or Autism

I would also look at depression as a major issue. I am only guessing here, but it seems that your most recent issues stem from the time after graduating school and now you are thrown off by the change in your routine. This can happen to someone who is not on the autistic spectrum as well, but those who are on the spectrum tend to be more overly emotional when dealing with problems and changes.

The thing is though, you didn't provide enough information about the other areas of the disorder to make a guess as to whether you are autistic or not. However, the specialist will assess these things and consider them when making a diagnosis, so I would just wait to see what they have to say. If you want a general idea as the plausibility of the diagnosis before you go, try taking some of the free, online assessments that are stickied at the top of this forum.

Alright thanks, i will have to wait then. I know i might have provided little information and a mess of a text but at the moment i'm very anxious for a drug relapse, that's why i wrote it so fast.

Hang in there with quiting the weed, a year ago I used to smoke daily and found it tough to quit, but it was well worth it to get to where I am now. I lost all self-respect when I was smoking and it just made my problems worse. Being in a social situation where everyone was stoned was much easier for me to cope with, but I would not give up my clarity of thought and health and self-respect for anyone or anything now. It was not worth it. I can also relate to feeling alienated from popular topics of conversation be it sport, reality TV shows, celebrities, etc, I can't stand the loudness and frantic pace of mainstream media and I try my best to avoid it all.

Thanks Chiastic_slide. I managed to avoid relapse once again.. every time i do it makes me stronger.. i hope. And yes i also have a hate for alot of mainstream things.. When i find a film that sounds absolutely amazing, i check it out and instantly forget about it once i see some annoying familliar face like Tom Cruise or that whackjob Ben Stiller. Oh and don't get me started about those god awful commercials.