What have you done to become more likeable?

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Curious to know what social skills/coping mechanisms some of you have adopted to be viewed as normal.

I'm starting to think likeability, the trait of being liked and accepted, has much to do with smiling a lot, saying nice things about people and others, not taking things and people so darn seriously, and being relaxed.

Anyway I found this blog today. Looks to have good advice.

Or are you among the few Aspies who are likeable and generally accepted by most people?

In person I am sometimes. But I also always seem to attract jealous detractors who do and say mean things.

Online I'm not liked much. At least that's the feedback I've gotten.

Forced myself to become more outgoing and more outspoken when in classes and around acquaintances.

Honestly, I don't think most people understand me, so I'm not very accepted. They usually seem quite confused by me. I've been called weird and hyper for trying to be funny. I was only trying to make them laugh...
Online, it seems about the same. I've found SOME kind people on this website, at least.

I keep myself from being impulsive. It might help me that my friends are just about as weird as I am, but I am usually seen as the most out there by default. Really, I only try to be myself. I also try to be as unbiased as possible so I would get less criticism. I also try not to hang out with very stubborn people. Listening is also very useful because then my friends actually feel like they're heard and can depend on me being vented to. However, I'm much less of a talk, and usually when I'm talking people will be vastly confused.

Asking people about their day instead of immediately launching into discussions about my problems or interests
Avoiding discussing inappropriate or controversial topics
Filtering the things I say (How will the people around me react if I say this?)
Not taking sides when people I care about are arguing with each other
Trying not to complain so much

Saying please and thank you
Saying sorry for every accident or mistake I make (actually I cut back on it because people kept getting mad at me about it)
Every time I be told something is rude, I would know to not ever do or say that ever again
Trying to not be accident prone by pumping into people or stepping on their toes
Saying excuse me to get through
Not talking about the same thing over and over or about the same stuff over and over
Being flexible; letting others pick what they want to do and how they want to do it than telling them how to do it or what to play with
Taking a shower every day to be clean and brushing my teeth everyday and hair
Shaking hands when someone holds it out when we meet
Hiding my weird behavior
Listening to what others talk about when we speak
Controlling my hyperactivity




Not all of this worked because I was still unliked but it did make me feel better about myself and a good person than bad.

Last edited by League_Girl on 14 Jun 2012, 1:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

I make a point of cheerfully greeting my co-workers when I first see them for the day.

On the first day of the week, I ask how their weekend was, and patiently listen to their response. If they reciprocate, I keep my reply to a few sentences, usually starting with a comment like "we had a blast", with the "we" being me, my husband, and our critters (currently 5 cats). If the requester is a gamer, I may mention my gaming activities, usually just a sentence about something my husband and I did together in-game.

I try very hard to be polite to everyone. I say my "pleases" and "thank you's".
I don't correct people when it isn't important.
If by some miracle I find out that I've accidentally offended someone, I apologize and explain myself.

Can't say I've ever done such.

I haven't done much to become more likeable. I just avoid people as much as I can, but don't mind being around people I can relate to in some way.

According to that no one should like me:

-I cannot make eye contact with people I don't know, makes me too uncomfortable
-If I did a lot of the things on that list I would be a fake since most of that does not reflect how I usually feel, act or generally am.
-I don't notice when my hands are near my face, and it does happen but I think its out of being nervous no holier than thou feelings at all.
-I am typically not feeling very positive so attempting positive body language would be faking.
-I don't feel availible and approachable when out in public so I am not that way, typically I am uncomfortable in public.

But to be fair I still do have friends and well I am not very intrested in being more likeable to the general public...I kind of prefer the few people I can get along with that don't judge me. All that probably is stuff one could do to be more likable but I guess it comes down to does one want the stress of trying to be friends with everyone.

I smile frequently, greet new people as cheerfully as the situation allows, ask for their names and try to remember them, keep some comments for myself, avoid droming too much about one subject, crack a joke every once in a while, and make some eye contact.

Despite my own efforts sometimes I come off as grumpy , either I'm not in the mood of doing all of this, or I just can't keep a comversation going and appear distant.

In Person = Trying to tell people I'm an Aspie and explaining it to them so we have fewer miscommunications. If they know not to surprise me with a visit, I'm more likable when we DO plan a visit.

Online = I picked my cockiest-looking pic to be my avatar for this site and every time I see it, coupled with the way I present myself, I feel like a massive jerk who's doing everything he can to be LESS likable. So eventually I expect to just run with it. Meh.

after life ended up treating me extremely badly in an incident overseas a couple of years back, I have been forced to become more sociable because people really are my only coping method. Though when I came back home to my country and started University, when I reached out fro a friend, what grabbed onto me and befriended me was an aspie O.O.

Hes taught me a lot of my social actions are unacceptable in society, he finds me extremely annoying and says i am too sociable. Though we are really good friends. Though his social skills aren't exactly all that either.

Since i have met him, i have become more social for some reason, but i have also learned that you dont call a person a million times if they dont answer the 1st time... Though this has slightly changed with my 2 best friends who do it to me anyways. Ive actually made a few really good friends since i met him.

but yeah society has forced me to become more sociable. since i am a girl, this is expected, but he is a guy and can get away with being unsociable, which annoys me cause i really enjoy his company.

Someone mentioned filtering, I do a lot of that. A lot of the new people I meet find me through my interests. I also go to regular recovery meetings. Between my 'expertise' and what I've learned from recovery, I hold the position of being the 'old-timer' making the 'newcomer' feel welcome, I also volunteer at church driving the parking shuttle which puts me in direct contact with about a thousand people, so I greet them and try to practice smalltalk. As a result I give a lot of 'do I know you?' smiles and waves in return when I'm not on duty. But at the end of it all I attribute MOST of my 'likability' to me having something I can give them

I'm me. I don't pretend to be something I'm not. If I can't approve of me, why should anyone else?

I like everybody's contribution so far. So thank you.

And yours, 2wheels4ever, I wish I could do that. But I guess deep down inside I'm still fearful of being made fun of or excluded and I can't get the fear out of my head. At my age, I know I should and could let it all roll off my back. But some bad habits are difficult to extinguish. That's an excuse, I know. Still with your philosophy in mind, I hope to start seeing things differently by acting differently too.