Personal references for work

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A headhunter has asked for personal references in addition to work references. My brother is a preacher and my best friend has known me since '83, but would these be good choices -- my NT hubby insists that they are not.

I am not social and have never been very active outside the house -- most of the other folk I know are related to work, and are already listed either as former bosses or others in my previous office. Advice?

I don't see why they wouldn't be. They are personal references not professional, unless there is some reason they would not make a good impression.

I agree with your husband that your brother wouldn't be accepted - because he's close family. I'm not sure why he said your other friend wouldn't be a good choice

Your brother is a family member--no matter how honest he is, it probably isn't going to be a good reference. Family members often feel bound to take their family members' side whatever their actual opinion.

Ask your husband why your friend wouldn't be a good personal reference. Jonny's got a good point about them being personal references; you're not looking for a colleague. Maybe if your best friend isn't high-status, socially... but an employer would probably prefer a reference from someone who's known you for decades.

I see no difference in family or close friend, I don't see why they both wouldn't be bias.

I suppose the best options might be

One of your teachers from school
Your priest if you go to church
Leader of any local organization you belong to
your landlord
Neighbors
coaches
Your accountant

I can understand why he may not think it's a good idea. I have a nice booklet about what employers are looking for and what they think of an applicant/employee. When they use close relatives, it gives the employer the impression that you have something to hide in regards to your character. Choose close friends, teachers/professors, people you've done odd jobs for, etc. At least that's what the booklet recommends. If you absolutely need this particular reference, it's best to limit the family members to just one.

Good luck.

What if you are so asocial that you don't have any reference that aren't family? Then what do you do?

You'd have to put family. If you have any internet friends you could put them down. Just don't mention they are friends from the internet

Even counting my time spent getting my Associates Degree, I've been out of school for over 10 years

I'm not church-going -- I feel closer to God in nature, in deep meditation, or lost in an inspiring book, than among people

not a member of any local organization

I live in a trailer park, . . . um . . . mobile home community, that has changed hands repeatedly over the time we've lived here. Also, since hubby handles the finances, I've never set foot in the office.

not social with neighbors (see above -- neighbors have changed repeatedly as well)

not into sports, so no coaches -- when others talk about football etc, I joke that my idea of a must-see sporting event is Westminster Kennel Club Dog show . . well it is televised on USA I'm not young enough to have a work coach or anything like that.

my husband handles the finances, so our accountant is in New England, and is one of hubby's old friends. I've never met him, nor talked with him longer than it takes to hand the phone to my husband.


Hubby's objection to best friend is she is not high-status herself. She is self-educated and is more than a little Aspie herself.

Frankly, imho, if they are just interested in verifying that I am literally who I say I am, my brother is the best one to vouch. He lives in state, is visible in the community and wouldn't say I'm his sister if I wasn't.

I suppose the good news is if they are looking for a good Aspie, I'm outed. If they don't want an Aspie, I'm better off not getting the job.

I've heard that my former bosses are giving me glowing recommendations, and I do have permission from three former co-workers to list them as others who were in the office. They have each known me about 10 years.

I'd have a good think about what the headhunter wants to hear about you and then get people who are willing to tell them all that stuff. What personal qualities does the job need? Diligence? Staying power? Confidence? Independent thinking? Docility? Good timekeeping? Find people who will say whatever it is about you.

If I were really stuck I might use a family member but I might make sure the family tie wasn't revealed.....so the surname would have to be different from mine in the first place. And I wouldn't worry too much about pathological honesty with the content either, though obviously I wouldn't tell an employer I can do things I can't do, unless I was planning to escape with the money before they tumbled the game.

One thing I do miss about working animal care -- I could list the family vet as a reference *straightens halo* In fact, my best credential for the animal care job I worked 7 years was the fact that I had 12 altered cats when I applied

I don't know how well that would fly in IT

Ah.....you mean sterilised, not genetically modified......that's a relief.

lol. yes all spayed or neutered. This was back in '92 -- genetically modified was not yet heard of

Your doctor(GP)?

Last time I tried getting a reference from a lecturer ...he couldn't remember me... And that during the very next year!!:-$