Too far on the Neurotypical spectrum?

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My brother was diagnosed with Aspergers a few years back, he's a year and a half younger than me.

But lately he seems really bothered by any signs I have of aspergers because I mentioned I'm having an assessment soon, although I doubt I will be diagnosed.

Like things that I have always done, he will point out and it's really annoying me because i don't know whay he's saying it.

An example is I have a seat in most places, I sit in a certain spot on my bed, in the living room, in the kitchen (which everyone seems to dislike the most) and even on the bus. The favourite seat in public has more than one reason, often linked to germs, escape, personal space, warmth etc. The ones in my house just make me feel comfortable. If i sit somewhere else in public or at home I get sudden shivers (I'm assuming it's simply me tensing too much from being uncomfortable but I'm not sure) and I feel more anxious.

He pointed this out when I told him not to sit in my kitchen chair by saying; 'why do you have a favourite seat? I have asepergers not you.'
I said that you don't need a diagnosis to have traits and he got all sarcastic but I couldn't figure out what his actual point was. He was like both agreeing and disagreeing with me like he didn't know what he was speaking about.
I'm assuming it's a knee jerk response because it's something he's incorporating into his personality, and if someone else has it, it's like he can't consider it part of his personality. But I'm really not sure.

It feels like he's trying to say I'm faking it. Or laughing that there's only a few traits.

I don't get why people are so emotional about the idea I might have it. Like, I have to ask my aspie brother about people's behaviours because I miss and don't understand flirting, hinting, social cues etc.. If someone is suddenly angry at me he will often know why.
If I say something, he often explains how the other person might have taken it and how it could have been rude.

I'm not socially ret*d but I do seem to have more trouble than he does, but everyone scoffs at the idea I might also have it.
Why would that be the case?
I've looked up the differences between male and female autism and wondered if it's because I'm female, but you'd think it'd be more obvious. I'm not sure.

I like socialising, I'm normally an extrovert (or was until I didn't realise a friend was into me and he got obsessive and started stalking me which caused the development of extreme social phobia which I'm tackling now).
I can make small talk, and I make use of anime characters personalities to decide how I should respond to things if I'm stuck. I've learnt to mimic the other persons body language so they don't think odd things about me, and I look at the persons eyes sometimes during my speech so they don't usually notice anything.
(People have only noticed my signs of possible aspergers since my psychologist referred me for an assessment actually.)
So maybe I'm too NT.


Sorry for the rant, but I just get the feeling I have to reject any signs of being on the NT spectrum for people to accept I have aspie traits.
I'm not asking them to believe I have it. I could well not have it, but my difficulties are just as real. And I feel like I have to get a diagnosis to justify any difficulties.

Your brother has probably had some extra attention over the years due to his diagnosis. His response to the chair seems to demonstrate that. He feels that he should get his own way over you, due to his AS. The thought that you might receive a diagnosis and he'll lose his advantage is probably freaking him out a little.

I wouldn't get too wrapped up in these mind games and wait and see what happens with your own diagnosis.

Jason.

Thanks. One of my defining features is getting too worried about things that probably don't warrant much thought.
I guess that's probably the case.
I always find things like jealousy a bit weird, so maybe I'm just too busy trying to figure out how he feels when it isn't that important.

I'm a bit nervous about the assessment. Both my mom and I think they'll cut it short to tell me I'm wasting their time and I don't have it.
My mom said she thinks I have signs but I might have 'something else' but didn't know what, which isn't helpful either.
I know a diagnosis isn't an answer, but I feel like it'd be assuring to have the explanation.
When I tell people I can't read hints etc. they just test me. I feel like they'd understand more with some kind of diagnosis. But that's probably idealising a diagnosis if I'm honest. haha

Heck, the way I see, even if you don't have AS, you'll be one step closer to finding out what is really wrong with you, which could be nothing at all! So I say don't fret and look forward to the experience.

I wouldn't be surprised if you had AS, or were on the spectrum in some way, even if it's very lightly - your brother has AS and it seems to often reoccur in families, although to different degrees. (Even though I say this, as far as I am aware I am the only person on the autistic spectrum at all in my family.) Your description of things like having favorite seats, learning to mimic people, acting like characters from anime, etc. seem to fit in with things I've noticed in AS people I know.

I would just try to not clash with your brother - maybe just ignore him or something when he does these things. Or, maybe you could just tell him "Each person with autism has a different manifestation of it - just because I show different traits than you does not mean I don't have it - you would have a very hard time finding two people with autism who are totally alike."

Also, having NT traits does not mean you don't have AS - let your assessment help you decide that. There are tons of aspies with NT traits.

And if the assessment says you're NT, then so be it - you still have these traits; they're a part of your personality.

I tried explaining that to him but he butt in with the sarcasm too soon and if you try to argue with him he starts shouting over you then hitting things about because he knows I hate the noise.

I wasn't particularly aggravated by what he said actually, I was just confused.

And yes, I do see it as a part of me on the whole and don't need a diagnosis to define me, it would be more so for others to know how to handle me sometimes.
I've found my mom and Drs have been much easier to get on with and communicate lately because they're being more careful and kinda talking to me under the assumption I have aspergers just to make it easier, and it really is helping. Which makes me feel more so like I have enough traits for this to be helpful. A diagnosis doesn't change my life, but how people respect that diagnosis and consider how they act is what would help.

I guess I should see it that way. every assessment is a way of narrowing things down.

I'm just used to being dumped by care systems a lot so I have little faith. haha I'll try to be more optimistic about it.
It's not until October now anyway.

And to be honest, it feels like I'm only noticing my traits now that I'm unpicking what I did or do and why, and realising so many aspies did that and it's basically compensating or finding tricks to manage. And also because the older we get the more we seem to be expected to understand hints and dishonesty etc. So it's more obvious to me. lol

Because there are so many traits associated with Aspergers/Autism, it is possible to have a completely different set of traits as another person and still have the condition.

For example, I have friends (albeit not particularly close ones and not particularly many), I can engage in conversation about numerous topics, both in things that interest me and things that do not, and I am aware of the existence of many rules of society enough to follow them--well, enough to be generally considered "polite," at least, yet my therapist picked up on enough of my inherit "Aspieness" in the first fifty minutes that he saw me that he told my father, in what I assume to be a semi-diagnosis, that he was sure that I have Aspergers.

They call them "spectrums" for a reason. Neurotypicality comprises so many other traits than proper socialization and the absence of a pervasive interest. It is entirely possible to exhibit many NT traits and many Aspie traits. This thread had helped me to arrive at the conclusion that Aspergers/Autism is not necessarily the absence of neurotypicality; it is simply the exhibition of a few additional traits, talents, and neurological variances. Thank you for that.
One day, our societies will realize that spectrums can intersect...


Well, I wish you the best of luck in getting assistance for your difficulties. One day, people will come to realize that we all have difficulties and that we all could use a bit of assistance every once in a while. *sigh*

Assure your brother that you and your family will still respect his needs and differences when/if you receive your diagnosis. You both have the same condition, presumably; you just have different needs that all need to be addressed.

That's something I was hoping to convey in the title somewhat. =3
I do think people see them as opposites sometimes. If you're more on the NT side, your aspie traits seem to be considered insignificant.
But all aspies are presumably on the NT spectrum too, and as such, being treated as an individual is much more important.
But sadly, a diagnosis is, like many labels, important for the majority to make a snap decision about you.

I hope he'll understand that soon. Whether I get the diagnosis.
I think he's still coming to grips with the diagnosis to be honest.