Any Other Aspies Shy?

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The other day, I was skimming through a book on techniques for curing shyness that I'd picked up a while ago (before learning about AS) in an effort to cure my own debilitating shyness, and as I read, it dawned on me why these techniques had never worked for me. They were based on the premise that all shyness was caused by an awareness of others' reactions and feelings towards you that got misinterpreted negatively, which made you anxious to be around people. That confused me, because I am utterly unaware of nonverbal signs that people give in order to tell me how they feel about me, and yet, I still find it agonisingly painful, unnerving and awkward to talk with them. I surmised that it probably had something to do with the fact that I have zero ability to make small-talk with strangers, and it leaves me just sounding rude or stupid or both, and I am aware of this. Anyway, this just made me wonder how many other shy aspies were out there, and if your shyness was due to the conventional "misinterpretation of nonverbal signals" or something else.

Yeah all the time especially people I do not know, or a girl I might like but afraid to approach. Talking on the phone for the first time with someone I just met.

I often seem very shy when in reality I've just said the wrong thing in conversations a lot, so I've learnt to shut up around people where possible. There is definitely anxiety when I'm around other people though.

I'm shy but I think its because I can't read peoples body movements or faces, so i don't try, or it makes me uneasy to try.

I've been shy my whole life. I am not sure why. It was just new kids, people I didn't know so it made me uncomfortable. I would hide in the corner and not participate until I got comfortable with the situation. I think it was because it was a new situation for me too so I had to adjust to it first. I suspect I had separation anxiety. My youngest brother had it too and had to quit preschool due to it when I was in 3rd grade because his brother wasn't there anymore and then in kindergarten, my mom had to be in class with him until he got comfortable there on his own and she go home. His was worse than mine because I got used to the new environment on my own and then got over it and I did not need my mother in school with me on the first day of kindergarten and the day after that and so on for like a week or two and I wasn't shy that day. Just nervous and excited and I remember it took me a while to adjust to the new environment.

Now it's about not knowing how to act or how the person would react or if I will say the wrong thing or not. Also not knowing what to say. I think I have developed social anxiety due to too many bad experiences. Plus I am afraid of coming off the wrong way because I am too self conscious about myself.

I am a shy person. My shyness has been so bad that I'd consider it to be a disorder. It has resulted in me avoiding situations and changing my intended paths, which has had a major impact on career prospects.

If I'm with one person, even someone I've never met before, I can lose the shyness almost entirely. I think this is one of the reasons that some people think I'm actually a really confident person. My husband's best friend totally shocked me when he told me he thought I was very confident and comfortable in my own skin. We had worked together for a few weeks, as a team, so he saw me minus the shyness, but he has seen me when other people have been present too. He has diagnosed social anxiety disorder too, so you'd think he'd recognise some of that in me.

I've also been told that I appeared confident at interviews, when I was so nervous and shy that I couldn't even get my words out right. I came across as confident, but not knowing enough, when the exact opposite was true. I'd done my homework and knew loads, just couldn't find the words to actually speak coherently. How what's going on in my mind can equate to appearing confident I just don't know.

But, I'm unable to speak about it. My parents aren't even aware of the extent of the problem. They wonder why I don't do things and change my mind about stuff, but I never tell them the real reason. My Mum would say I was being daft and my Dad would say he understood, then they would argue, so I've just never gone there. The fact that I'm like this causes me embarrassment too, so I'd find it hard to speak about it anyway.

I would say I have extreme social anxiety and extreme anxiety about any new or unfamiliar situations. As a kid I thought it was simply extreme shyness. I didn't realise it was a diagnosable disorder in its own right (Social Anxiety Disorder) until a lot later, and was not aware that it was one of the most common symptoms of Aspergers until relatively recently.

I wouldn't be exaggerating to say I find it crippling. I have been making an effort to make small talk, but all I can manage is those stock phrases you say when you pass someone, such as a polite "howdy", "g'day", or "how are ya?". But quite often I just do the finger wave or raise the eyebrows, or attempt to smile. I can also manage a basic similar reply if the other person has gotten in first. But if you expect me to comment on the weather or something else inane, count me out.

The ironic thing about my social anxiety is that I believe people wrongly take my lack of expressiveness/affect as being relaxed and laid back. So in a sense I have been able to fake it. If they knew how uptight I am in all social situations I think I would die of embarrassment.

I used to be very shy as a child... now its relative... I get more nervous talking sometimes to 3 people than addressing an assembly of 200...
I used to be a total intorvert now as an adult i would be more on the border with extrovert.. my as never stops me from talking to people or using small talk

This happens to me to. My boss had no idea that I was really shy. A post had become vacant in another section and it was one that couldn't lie vacant. It involved liaising with members of the public and politicians about complaints. I was the very first person that my boss asked to think about slotting into it. Her reason was that I was laid back and calm and would have a calming effect on the customers. I'm so not laid back on the inside. I'm a nervous wreck. My pulse races at the mere thought of having to deal with an irate customer. Needless to say, I turned the offer down.

I was very shy when I was in High School in grades 9 through 11. I didn't want my peers to find out what I liked at the time, because my mum warned me that if I talked about my special interests and the less tolerant students at my school found out what I liked, that they would start bugging me and giving me a hard time about my interests. I hardly ever bring up my special interests around my parents anymore, as a result.

I'm not shy around my friends. I talk to them about anything and everything.

Basically I'm shy just because I don't know how to react to things people say or I don't know what to reply with in conversation. I think it has to do with not picking up non-verbal cues and then not being able to relate with a person on a subcontious level so you then consciously can't think of how to reply to them or say the revelevant thing.

Extremely sh. I just can't approach people.

I am only at ease when it involves my interests, it's far less difficult to play music to a bigger audience but with my other main interest the group can't be too large

Shy in the sense I would avoid large crowds or have deep interactions with strangers. It takes time for me to feel comfortable with them but once I do no problem!
I am grateful I was raised to be myself no matter what and if others didn't like it too bad! (edited version)
I am never shy about any special interests if I had to face a large crowd to get what I want I will.

Yeah, people don't understand me and my inability to overcome shyness. They don't get my emotions or how I think. There's a big difference from just having social anxiety and having social anxiety plus being an aspie.

I'm very shy, generally. I usually keep everything to myself. I've forced myself to talk more in classes, though, since we kind of have to for our grade. If it wasn't for that, I'd be completely silent like I always am in social situations. I usually observe others, too, so there's that.