Using books to learn how to act NT?

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Hey everyone!

I would like to improve my poor social skills and I wonder whether there are any good books that might help with that. I very much liked Aspergers on the job, but I think I need something more detailed.

Anyone read anything helpful?

Little Black Sheep

Im not sure about a particular book to help with that. For me, it was a always a study in the behaviors of NTs around me and then do the "fake it till you make it" act.

Somehow I got a lot out of the novels of Irwin Shaw. Often his main character is an older businessman moderately depressed still trying to do positive things. I really liked BREAD UPON THE WATERS, TOP OF THE HILL, EVENING IN BYZANTIUM (he's most famous for RICH MAN, POOR MAN but I don't tink that's his best book)

"the fine art of small talk" by debra fine

Just do what everyone else is doing and you will fit in.

Social skills aren't really something you can learn from a book. It would be much more helpful to check out criteria for AS and case studies about it and see what aspects of it you identify with. This is so you'll learn the specific ways that AS affects you and what you need to work on. The reason I say this is that AS presents differently in every person, and so we'll each have different things to improve on. This was my first step into developing my social skills, and I gained a lot of self-awareness.

The second step after this is to practice, practice, practice. It's one thing to know what you struggle with, but it's another thing to actually have opportunties to work on it. Try to find practice with people you're comfortable with. I joined an integrated youth group for people with intellectual disabilities, who I found non-intimidating and at my social level, and that improved my confidence. For yourself, your opportunity for practice might be volunteering or at a mutual interest group. Take time to explore what would work for you, but make sure you have the opportunity to regularly practice.

Hope this helps.

Just remember that no matter how many books you read on the subject, if you don't practice it it's just another thing you know lots of stuff about. I heard about a study of aspies that said in a clinical setting we can to a larger degree than expected know what certain social rules are but we can't apply it without significan't effort. My mom used to be mad at me because I didn't say hi to the girl we would carpooled with so I had to remind myself everyday until it became a habit to say hi. I know you should greet someone upon seeing them theoretically, but in practice? It's more complicated than that.

So why do I have to say hi to someone? Most of the time when people tell me hi is sounds so phony. But I guess I have to learn this phony social skill if i want to fit in.

Dale Carnegie's "How to Influence People and Win Friends" might be a good book to read. Here are some of his ideas regarding being a positive and sociable person:

- Begin with praise and honest appreciation
- Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly
- Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person
- Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
- Let the other person save face
- Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement
- Be hearty in your approbation
- Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to
- Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct
- Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest

I find it really draining and unfulfilling trying to act NT. I eggspend a ton of effort trying to do it, and I don't get anything good out of it, and it doesn't work to make me appear NT to others or fit in bester, and I don't feel good about myself, and I don't feel a need to fit in to begin with, so I don't know why I would evar do this, eggsept to try it out and find out that it sucks, and others don't get to communicate with the real me either. However, I think that it is useful to learn about how most people think without trying to act like them.