People don't believe I have Asperger's

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Hi there,

I'm completely new here to get some advice.

First of all, I'm not officially diagnosed. But I'm about 95% sure that I have Asperger's. I always had the feeling of not belonging anywhere and all online tests/checklists hint very strongly to it.

I'm 18 now and would like to have a real diagnosis. The problem is that I have a hard time convincing my mother.
She doesn't believe I could have Aspergers. She won't even consider it. Mental illnesses/problems for her are just weakness. I talked to her about how I feel, presented her with the symptoms (which match me 99%). She's just shrugging it off as "shyness", yeah sure. And that even though she is always going on about how I'm so cold and emotionless, or how I'm not polite, or lazy..

so where can I go on my own to be diagnosed? And did you have to deal with similar stuff (people not believing you)?

to put it bluntly - stuff your mother. its not her life and never will be. you have every right to go and find out if you have it.

my mum is the same. she probably has aspergers but would never even consider entertaining the prospect.

if you feel so certain get to a doctor. make extensive and clear notes about why you have aspergers.

http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/

I found a diagnostician from the site above.

People do often seem to be ill-informed about AS, and my Mum was one of these also. She assumed that people with it can't be successful professionally and academically, and it never occurred to her that some learn to hide some of their difficulties quite skilfully. To begin with she dismissed entirely the suggestion that I might have it, which was quite funny considering that we're very alike, and that if I have it then she has it too! She did come round after my professional assessment, though, and after deciding finally to read some of the literature I'd given her, she even conceded that she has all the major indicators herself. She's 87 and has decided not to go for assessment, but a couple of weeks ago she said that if she were younger she'd very probably ask for a referral. She's come a long long way since I told her at Christmas that I was having an assessment – and all power to her.

I haven't encountered disbelief elsewhere, in fact those who know me have said that it makes complete sense. I'm only able to hide my social difficulties to a limited extent, and I'm completely unable to disguise the sensory processing disorder that seems to be a comorbid for many of us. And even if your Mum is reluctant to accept it, it's not necessarily the case that everyone around you will. Maybe you could get support from other people in the family, or from family friends? One of the challenges for people with AS is that they can tend to freeze or become inarticulate if people put them on the spot and demand explanations, and if this happens to you, someone else might be able to argue your case better (and carry more weight with your Mum if they're older). TheDarkMage is right about making notes, either for your GP or possibly even for your Mum. It helps to start with the 'triad of impairments' as your basis, and makes notes on how each affects you.

I do hope you're able to get an assessment. I assume you live in the US, where it seems less straightforward than it is here in the UK. Once I'd made my notes and my GP had passed them to the diagnostic team, they agreed to see me straight away; they did an initial screening followed by a full (and a very challenging – it's not for the faint-hearted) three-part assessment free of charge. I feel very glad that we've got the NHS here.

Well, my family at the moment consists only of me and my mother, so.. there's no other relative I could ask. Well, I wouldn't say I have friends, but some colleagues have called me heartless or cold from time to time (never completely serious, though).

And no, I don't live in the US, I'm actually living in Germany. I'll be moving to the UK in September though.

Sanctus, is AS impairing your life? It's quite easy to read through the list of symptons and say "Hey, thats me!" but if it isn't causing impairments then you would not qualify for a diagnosis. Most of the screening tools such as the AQ/RDOS etc. don't ask these questions.. People can score in the ASD range, yet still be quite normal. I'm not trying to discourage you in any way, but it's worth thinking about this carefully.

There have been quite a few postings like yours from people in a similar situation. Many parents naturally want to protect their offspring and really dislike admitting that there is anything wrong. Many seem to be much more accepting when there is a professional opinion.

I'm not sure what experiences are like in Germany, but the UK seems to be reasonably well equipped to diagnose on the NHS these days.

Jason.