My fears.

Post Reply New Topic

I have many fears about becoming an adult and one day having to live on my own. I afraid that I wont be able to cook for myself or handle the stress of a job well. My more short term fear is that I will never graduate high school and that I may never be able to drive a car. Aspergers is only one of my problems when it comes to my brain. Im dysleic, ADD, dsygraphia, short term memory problems and countless other things. Back to my long term fears, I hate doctors, needles, nurses and dentists. What if something bad happens to me and I need to go to the hospital and I have a meltdown? I would scream and try to hurt some one and no one can explain my aspergers and I end up living in the nut house. Or my parents die and I live in a home for autisic adults because I cant handle a job. What if I live or visit a big city and have a meltdown and no one is around to care? I dont want to live in a nut house and I dont want to live with my family my whole life. Are my fears impossable? Or do I have good reason to have these kind of fears having the problems that I do?

Cooking: No worry, maybe you won't always eat the best, or the way you want to, but almost everything is microwaveable, or the instructions are super easy. I promise you won't starve. I can cook but I hate it unless I have someone else to cook for, so I mostly rely on easy things....

Job: Can't help you there, but according to your profile you're already diagnosed so you'll always have something to fall back on with SSI or whatever. The trick to keeping a job is to find something you enjoy doing. Easier said than done, but you're young yet. YOU HAVE TIME.

I think you're over-worrying right now. Maybe you had a bad day or a bad moment or whatever, but you're kind of freaking out about a LOT of different stuff. It's not all going to happen at once. You'll be okay. A lot of people here understand you. And if they don't have the same exact fears, they have their own set of fears and problems and can at least empathize with what you're going through.

And when in doubt, look at the pretty kitty.
<-------------

it's pretty natural to have fears about growing up and moving out on your own, i sure did. are your parents overprotective or do they encourage you to become your own independent self? if they are overprotective you might want to talk to them about your fears and that one day they won't be able to protect you. ask them to teach and encourage you. i never did with mine and it slowed me down. try to learn some cooking skills now, ask your parents if you can help them with some of the cooking. as for jobs, what do you like, do you like plants or animals? i liked plants a lot and got a job at a plant nursery through a horticulture class i was taking. most nursery people are very nice and helpful, most of the best people i've met have been plant people. you can start by watering plants which is pretty easy and not stressful. the pay is not the best but its better than being stressed out at some office job. about doctors and dentists, there are two ways you go there, voluntarily because of a problem, in which case tell them right off you have aspergers and are afraid, that should help, doctors and especially nurses have seen it all, you're not their first rodeo. the other way to go is because of an emergency, like in an ambulance(now don't start worrying about that though) in that case they'll take full control and you probably won't have much chance to meltdown and try to hurt someone. cities... if you have a problem with big cities avoid them. i know that's lame advice, but that's what i do i hate big cities. i'm sure you'll do fine, you seem to be intelligent and a thinking person. i sincerely hope this helps, i'm high functioning AS so i probably don't have as many challenges as you, but i understand where you're coming from. start now on addressing your fears, posting your question here is a good beginning. good luck, i'm rooting for you.

Wow you have a lot going on there. No your fears aren't completely impossible, but I don't think you have reason enough to spend all this energy worrying about them. Let's go through them and see what we can do.

Cooking: There are lots of meals that are simple to cook, and if you can't manage that there are always microwave meals or things you can just heat up, like soup. Perhaps you could ask your Mum if she would let you help in the kitchen when she is cooking to get an idea if what you could cook. All you need are a few very simple meals you can cook. I am a terrible cook, but I manage to feed myself quite healthily using cheap, basic food and a maximum of two pans on the hob at once (otherwise I get horribly confused and panic).

Job: It's hard to know how well you will cope in a job. Hopefully you will find something that you can cope with, but it may not be the first job you get.

Doctors and Dentists and Needles: One day you may need medical treatment. You could write out a little card explaining in a few short sentences about Aspergers, and give that to medical staff if necessary and keep it in your purse in case you are not well enough to explain or show it to them. You could say 'I have Aspergers Syndrome, it is a type of autism. It means I can react differently to other people and I may become very upset and frightened in new situations'.

Big cities: You don't have to live in a big city if you don't want to. If you want to visit a big city you could go with someone else or as part of a group. Again, a little card explaining Aspergers might be handy if you tend to have meltdowns in very public places where you can't speak.

Your parents dying: Eventually your parents will die, but I'm sure that won't be for a long time yet. By the time your parents are older I'm sure you will have a better idea of how you will manage in life. You could speak to them about what might happen to you if they pass away, it is likely they have some sort of plan for a relative or friend to care for you.

You are only 15 and you're just about to make a big leap into adulthood so of course it is scary. But try to take each fear at a time and not let them overwhelm you all at once. Unless you plan on leaving home at 16 (I did this and wouldn't recommend it) then you have a few years before you have to think about these things. In those few years you could practice things like cooking and cleaning, planning journeys and perhaps take a trip with your parents to another city as a practice run for one day going on your own. By the time you do come to leave home, I'm sure you will feel better equipped to cope. In the meantime try not to use all your energy on worrying.

Your fears are very reasonable.

Living for yourself can be very challenging. If you go nuts in a hospital you will likely be physically fixated and transfered to a closed mental institution if no one can explain your condition and it doesn't get better within hours or the day (depends on what facilities are available in the city though). Being fixated will make you go more nuts and it will become very difficult to calm down. If you make a sane impression you can easily get out of there within days though. If you beat someone and/or are investigated against for a possible crime by the police it will take considerably longer. There are many care facilities out there, I (voluntarily) live in a flat-share for mentally handicapped people for example and there isn't anything bad about it. It can help you to overcome various challenges and give support when needed.

When living alone you need to be able to always pay your rent and your food and you need to be able to go out and buy food regularly. You need a plan B (money reserve & someone to help you get on welfare or disability benefits) if you lose your income and can't pay anymore. Otherwise you will be dumped on the street pretty fast. You need to pay other bills but that isn't that important. When living alone, you might shut yourself off from the environment faster and might become depressed, which will worsen everything.

If everything goes wrong though, it will be all about survival and that isn't that difficult. If you can't manage to do groceries anymore, you could buy e.g. canned and other foods and vitamin tablets that can be stored long in advance. If it comes down to that you should concentrate all you do on getting help. Maybe there are governmental help agencies available. I had a legal guardian for quite some time which was beneficial to me, because he would do all my finances and also applied me for therapy.

You can practice living alone at your parents though. Do everything you need to do while living alone, like doing your own groceries once a week, saving your own money, cleaning and such. That will help you a lot to get those things into a routine which will likely continue to work when living alone. You can easily live independently while at your parents, like someone would who just rents a room in the house.

If it works at your parent's it will likely also work in your own flat.