Need Advice! I'm really confused and lost atm

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Hi, i really need some advice. I have reached a crossroads in my life and now i am more confused and unsure about my future and where i'm going and how to move forwards than i have probably ever been.

My nan recently died and i have gone off the rails a bit and i have recently been in trouble with the police a few times and as a result i now have a criminal record. I was living with my parent's but i am currently staying at a homeless hostel due to problems at home and it doesn't seem very likely i will be able to return there to live. I have been down about losing my nan and about getting myself a record. I don't have a great many friends, i'm single, i'm unemployed and on benefits, right now everything just feels so bleak and hopeless. I''m only 26!

However things might not be as bleak as they seem because there is something that might happen that could really help me get back on track. The local autistic trust own a large house that is divided up into 5 self contained flats that are for people with Aspergers syndrome to live in supported lodgings. They can live there for upto 3 years and get supported. One of the flats became vacant recently and my social worker put me forward for it.There were other people put forward as well but they have decided to keep the flat open for me on the condition that i go to a hostel/care home for 4 months for rehab where i must prove to them that i am ready for the level of independance the flat will offer me, that i can cook, clean etc, basically look after myself. Even though the flat will be supported lodgings you are still expected to be able to do stuff for yourself and look after yourself.

The trouble is i have stayed at this hostel/care home for rehab before and did not like it and i left and returned to my parents. I feel i am ready for the flat now and don't need to prove it to people, i feel a bit of resentment at having to prove myself to people.I really don't want to do it but its the only way i will get this flat. In any case, there are no rooms vacant there at the moment, although i am top of the list for one as soon as one becomes free, but i have been waiting for 2 months and all the time i'm waiting i'm thinking that this flat is sitting there empty and i could be living there now! But nothing can progress until theres a room at the hostel for me to start the 4 months rehab.

But there is a second option. A friend in Blackpool owns a large house and has rooms up for rent for £75 a week and he accepts housing benefit which i'm eligable for as i'm unemployed. Part of me is very tempted to take up this opportunity instead as i am very keen to move away and make a fresh start. I have too many bad memoires here and i know too many people here who i see out and about and would rather not see. I have wanted to move away for a longtime.

So i am very confused atm. On the one hand theres a flat being left open for me where i will get support from trained staff who know how to support people with Aspergers, but i have to do 4 months rehab first which i'm not keen to do and am still waiting for a room there. On the other hand theres this room i could have right away and would give me the chance to move away and start afresh somewhere new like i want to,but the support wouldn't be there and if anything went wrong and i had to leave then i would have lost my chance of having the flat as well.

I honestly feel very lost and confused. I think the other stuff like losing my nan and getting in trouble with the police has just added to the way i feel right now. I miss my nan and i am worried about the effect having a criminal record will have on my future, i feel truly depressed right now and worried about the future, i don't feel very optimistic right now at all. I keep trying to remind myself that this chance of having the flat is a positive thing, but i really feel i just wanna pack up and go to blackpool, its the less stable of the two options but i feel i want to get away from here for good and i'm so tired of sitting around waiting for things to happen like this damn rehab.

Sorry for such a long post but i really do need advice here. If you were me what would you do? i feel so lost and everything seems like such a mess

My opinion: Live with your friend and try things on your own. We're Aspies; we're not helpless. Some uneducated people think that we crap in our hands and throw it at the walls, but they're willfully ignorant. The best thing that ever happened to me was when I left my home and moved away. Just like that. I had no job, no place to live, nothing. Yes, it was a gamble, but I had to do it because I was going insane staying where I was. I love my parents, but I had to get away. I moved 2,000 miles from home, to San Diego. (When people would ask me why I chose San Diego, I'd tell them that I moved as far away as I could without falling into the Pacific Ocean!) I digress. Try it on your own with limited help. By all means, get help if you need it, so please understand. My last grandparent, my grandmother, died in September 2011. We were very close, and I know that it's difficult, but try to honor her by staying out of trouble. Easier said than done, perhaps, but you must try! Best of luck, and I'll pray for you. (If you don't believe in God or prayer, that's too bad; I'll pray for you anyway!)

ETA: BTW, you don't need to prove anything to anyone but yourself. For an Aspie, trying to please others is a self-defeating proposition, a "dead letter," in my not-so-humble opinion.

My opinion: wait it out until the decision becomes clear. Don't do anything rash. You will know what is right for you.

I think you should wait and do the rehab thing. I feel like it would be good for you. I wish I had not tried to just assume I could do things the same as everyone else and had taken my differences more into account. It seems like you need to do some maturing and it would be ideal to do that in a place where you can be supported. Living with other people can be hard for anyone, but with AS it can cause even more problems.

At the very least, talk to your social worker about if she thinks you have the skills to live in the room rented by your friend. I just don't want to see you squander an opportunity that could really improve your life.

My two cents ...

Can you visit the autistic trust house and chat with the people living there to see if the conditions are similar to the rehab place and to see if any of them also had to live at the rehab hostel before getting their flat? Could you also talk to the staff for advice on how to "get along just to get along" so that you'll succeed at the rehab hostel? If a visit is not possible, can you find former flat residents and talk to them?

The trust house seems to be the ideal place for you to learn valuable social skills, thinking and behaviors that will train you to think before you act and to speak and act appropriately. Most likely you will adapt to and adopt new behaviors to fit in the house. If you can fit in there, then being a part of the rest of the world -- to be almost like everybody else and be able to work, be sociable, and be accepted -- will be within your reach. Right now you're too rough to live there. Maybe with a little polishing up at the rehab hostel, you'll be able to show your commitment. And that's what you need to have in your life now -- some kind of commitment to a future, your future.

Seems like you have an opportunity that might not come again. I think if this offer has come your way, then your social worker as well as the trust house people seem to see something in you that's worthy. To me then, that seems you could do whatever it takes to get into that trust house. If that means having to swallow your pride and not react to every perceived uttered slight that comes your way, then swallow hard and say, Thank you. If you can find books on AS, especially Tony Attwood's books, read them. You need this information in your brain now. Some of it is bound to sink in for you to realize how you think and how you react is not that unusual for Aspies. These books also tend to offer advice on everyday living.

Also consider writing out some lists. On one sheet of paper, list everything that you found objectionable at the rehab hostel. On another sheet of paper, write out your goals for the next year. If one goals includes living at the trust house, then look at that rehab hostel list and decide whether those objections are still valid today. If they are, can you see solutions to overcoming them? If you cannot find solutions, maybe you could post the objections here and we can offer solutions. You can then decide whether to try them out before you go to the rehab hostel to see if they work for you.

And yes, I suggest you go the route of the rehab hostel --> trust house. For once you complete living at both places, you'll have accomplished a great deal -- you will have the satisfaction of knowing you can make positive contributions, and you will have positive, effective skills and philosophies that will serve you well throughout your life. And after you have successfully processed out of the trust home, found a job, and maintained the job for several years, you can look into expunging your criminal record.

The ancient Romans had some sayings some of us today have adopted, including carpe diem (seize the day) and nil desperandum (don't give up/despair). Maybe you could adopt these sayings too?

Is there a way you could get a basic evaluation of your independent living skills? It seems the question is: Can you live on your own; or do you need support? If you need support, then you'd have problems living on your own.

There are many possible levels of support. The question of whether you need it has to take into account not your theoretical best, but what you can do on an average day, or even a bad day. Imagine you're having the worst day ever: Can you still keep yourself fed, clean, and safe? On an average day, can you pay your own bills, do your own shopping, find medical care, interact with neighbors and landlords and repairmen? Don't think about what you "should" be able to do on a good day, but what you can generally manage. And if there are significant gaps, then you should probably be looking into supported living.

Your ideal option might well be to live on your own with an on-call service to help you when you get stuck; but I don't see that on your list--so you might need to live in that supported-living place even though it offers more support than you need.

A criminal record is bad, but it's not an insurmountable thing, especially if they're only low-level crimes, like you got run in for trespassing or loitering or something like that. It's different if it's assault or drug dealing or something major. As time passes, the crimes will be less important. By the time you're into your thirties, it'll probably be considered something you did when you were young and stupid.

If your friend is a good influence, then why don't you try living there?
Maybe you could try going to therapy, or seeing someone who is well tuned to helping aspie's.
I guess you don't know for sure what it will be like at the flat, or at your friend's place, I think you should just go with your instincts, and maybe don't choose one option merely because it's the quickest/ easiest. Sometimes friends can be bad influences, and sometimes other aspie's can drive you insane.

If it were me, I would wait it out, and if that didn't turn out well, then try moving in with your friend.