Do you make a bad impression when ppl ask you personal Q's?

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tjr1243
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04 Jul 2012, 12:06 am

Have people ever asked you personal questions (anything where you end up talking about yourself in detail), and then you find yourself turning people off for some odd reason?

Don't get me wrong, I like people showing interest and asking questions (to indicate they have an interest in my life), only I find that when answering the questions, I do it in such a way that it turns people off.

It is not like I go off into a tangent or anything, I try really hard not to do that.....only when people ask questions like, "So what brings you to this city?" or "What do you do?" - whatever my answer is, obviously i'm doing something wrong....i can just sense i made a bad impression.

I do not feel this as much when the discussion is neutral, such as talking about the weather or even politics.

But any time someone asks a question that requires an "I ...." response, it ends up with an awkward silence, then the person usually never talks to me again :(

Can't figure out why this particular situation brings out my worst Aspie traits :oops:

Have any of you had a similar experience?



vanhalenkurtz
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04 Jul 2012, 12:15 am

tjr1243 wrote:
Have people ever asked you personal questions (anything where you end up talking about yourself in detail), and then you find yourself turning people off for some odd reason? [...] Have any of you had a similar experience?


Oh yes. Oh yes. Then an hour later I'm shocked by the words I uttered. My filter malfunctions with alarming regularity.


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edgewaters
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04 Jul 2012, 12:25 am

I sometimes give weird answers, that make people think there's something wrong with me. I could give an answer if I was alone and I had time to think about it, but in the moment the answer won't come to mind so I try to be ambiguous and end up saying something bizarre. Like "what brings you to this city?" "I haven't given it much thought". Sounds like I'm just some sort of wandering idiot, who ends up places without knowing why (actually there might be some truth to that, but that's beside the point). But if I gave them all the information they'd take it the wrong way. "I could tell you if you went away," or "I can't concentrate when you talk", that would be taken as very rude I think!



chiastic_slide
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04 Jul 2012, 12:34 am

I'm often quite vague when I get asked personal questions. It probably makes me seem like I'm hiding something or just really dumb.



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04 Jul 2012, 12:44 am

I am actually the one who asks "personal questions" and that throws some people off. But the ones who like me aren't bothered by them.

But the example questions in your OP, I would have a hard time answering them because I don't know how to answer it or what to say so I may end up giving a short answer like "My ex lived here so I moved here to be with him and I grew up here anyway and wanted to be back here."


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Shrok
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04 Jul 2012, 1:11 am

I tend to be very direct and emotionless to people until prompted otherwise. Sometimes people don't like it but if you ask me it just makes things easier since I don't coat my words in BS.



helles
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04 Jul 2012, 2:44 am

edgewaters wrote:
I sometimes give weird answers, that make people think there's something wrong with me. I could give an answer if I was alone and I had time to think about it, but in the moment the answer won't come to mind so I try to be ambiguous and end up saying something bizarre.


I can relate to the OP

I think, that I have come up with all kinds of, way to long answers in the past. I can often be excused by the fact that english is not my native language and that it is generally known that people from Scandianavia are often more blunt/direct in their attitude.

I think (especially in the US?) that these kind of questions are just a more personal version of the "weather talk". So, if the person who ask the question, why you are in this town, is actually from the town himself: it would be appropriate to say something nice about the town. Offcourse it all depends on the reasons for you being there.

Unless it is people whom you know and you know that they are really interested in you, a short answer will suffice. Nothing too personal.

The question of "What do you do?" is rather common. Try to think of something short and preferably interesting to say about your job/education. It would be great if you could sort of leave it open ended (for the other person to make a new question).

The reply of "and what do you do then" - I have never really reached that one myself :?

Helle


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Squirsh
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04 Jul 2012, 2:53 am

Things always get awkward whenever somebody asks me personal questions because up until a couple of years ago I really didn't have a very nice life and I'm much too open about it. I'm quite bad at recognising whether something's appropriate to say, and no matter how many times I'm taught it never seems to sink in.

People generally don't like hearing "Well my mother's a family court advisor but I haven't seen my father since I was three because he kept trying to kill us" in response to "So, what do your parents do for a living?" but it just tends to slip out before I can correct myself and just mention that I don't see my father. But then people ask why I don't see him anyway so it all seems a bit pointless really. Same sort of pattern applies to quite a few other personal questions people ask me.



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04 Jul 2012, 3:21 am

Sometimes. I tend to have a hard time being anything other than honest, to the point that I will sometimes answer rhetorical questions (that I know are rhetorical) and answer sarcastic queries with blunt and honest answers (even when I know they are sarcastic!) Now this doesn't mean that I do it all the time, sometimes I can truncate answers or obfuscate a little but it usually bothers me to not tell the whole truth. I tend therefore to be less than diplomatic sometimes and usually am truthful when being diplomatic. I do usually have enough good sense though to know when a lie may be needed to protect someone from unintended harm and can usually pull it off in those circumstances. That doesn't mean though that I am not annoyed by it.


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04 Jul 2012, 5:00 am

I usually give a brief or general answer and then ask the person something for them to talk about, I seem to manage to avoid what it is the OP describes.


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