What to do when someone doesn't like you?

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My husband and I were discussing our different views on socializing last night, and my difficulties with it. I am very much an Aspie when it comes to dealing with people in person, especially when I don't know them very well, and he is a very extroverted NT. One thing we talked about was our differing responses to dislike. If I find out that a person doesn't like me - and I always have to get this information secondhand since I usually can't tell from our interaction(s) - I try to avoid them because 1. I don't want to deal with someone who doesn't like me 2. I don't want them to dislike me MORE. He thinks that's the wrong way to go about it, and instead I should seek them out and start conversations with them to change their opinion. I don't understand that way of thinking at all, but I wonder if I could have missed out on potential friends because their initial opinion of me was negative, but had the potential to change. And often people assume that I don't like THEM because I don't know how to start conversations, and so I often just say nothing even if I do like them.

Are you able to tell when someone doesn't like you? How do you respond to that? Do you attempt to (re)connect with them, or accept that opinion?

This is something I have though and thought long and hard about. My experience is that some people sense the vulnerability of the Aspie and express their bullying nature either subtly or overtly. My personal experience is that appeasement is never any good for my quality of life. So what I found works best is exclude that person immediately and permanently from my life. Just rip them another one to make it clear. Then insist on one degree of separation. Confront everybody who knows me and the perpetrator and demand they do the same or they get wiped too. Close relatives included.

Ignore them. ^^
If they made up their minds that quick, they won't be good friends. They tend to go with the flow instantly without thinking at all.

I usually find out secondhand or later on that someone doesn't like me. I do not attempt to do anything about it, largely because I lack the skills and motivation, and continue being myself.

In work situations, there is little choice but to interact with them sometimes. I continue being myself and don't make a big deal out of anything and they often develop a better opinion of me over time, even if they still ostracise me somewhat. Some change their attitudes once they are aware of why I am not sociable etc.; such an explanation makes a big difference to them because they automatically assumed willful rudeness or disdain on my part.

Pretty much what I do, too. Why would I want to interact with someone who doesn't like me? I have also found out secondhand when people don't like me. It's very confusing. Sometimes people will be unpleasant when they are trying to connect with you. Don't shoot the messenger, because sometimes unpleasant does not always equate to dislike. "Of course it's a friendly call. Listen, if it wasn't friendly, you probably wouldn't have even got it!"

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWP_rEWG2xk[/youtube]

People will act detached when they don't like you. I've mirrored this detachment and was surprised to find out that it's supposed to mean something. What, aren't most people like this? I'm like that too, that's just how people are! No? If the call is unfriendly, you don't receive it!

So if people dislike you, they just avoid you. What appears to us to be a neutral response is actually very negative. Signals we intend as neutral are interpreted very negatively by others. Any strong response, positive or negative, may mean the other person likes you.

I will always give a person a chance, but if after some time they still don't like me eh no loss. I'll just forget about them. You can't get everyone to like you.

I'd say try not to deal with them. Unless you're a "people person" but most of that is bogus anyway.

I have the problem of assuming everyone dislikes me because of the whole face recognition deficit thing. People in the street seem to stare at me and cashiers etc seem rude. When I meet people at work that I can't read, especially those who use a lot of deadpan humour and ask a lot of questions about me, I find myself thinking they are mocking me and trying to catch me out/trick me. My boyfriend thinks I'm intensely paranoid. In these situations I still don't know if I am being an incredible judge of character or a clueless aspie!

My issue is trying to be accepted by people who are a bit cliquish, but I don't fit the textbook definition of their clique.

I have better things to do than waste my time with people who don't like or won't accept me as is.

Wanting to distance from someone who doesn't like you is an instinctive, natural, self-protective reaction you needn't override. Sounds like your husband is of the "try harder" mentality. I can understand his wish for you to be more socially integrated, but the "try harder" is not the way to go for us Aspies.

Pfft, I don't care if people don't like me. They probably don't even know me well and who knows maybe they will go from liking me to liking me once they know me better. I can tell if someone doesn't like me if they are not nice to me or they treat me different in a bad way than how they treat others.

Ignore them.

Don't talk to them or even acknowledge their presence.

That way they get a taste of what it's like to have AS.