shutting down is not depression or anxiety

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hey.

i wanted to post this as i came to a better understanding of it after explaining it to my sister today. in fact, i will post the conversation.

8:12pm
Muff
i feel unable to do laundry. to the outside observer, it may seem to be depression. that isnt it though.
i almost cant stand to do it.
its too much.

8:13pm
Sister
Sounds like you're overwhelmed.

8:13pm
Muff
i can only take in so much information. and once ive had as much information as i can handle, i am unable to process any more of it.

8:14pm
Sister
Isnt that normal? I think so.

8:14pm
Muff
and my capacity for information is less than one might think.
it isnt about normal for everyone else, or averages.
its about the possibility of being unable depending on how much information i am taking in at any given time.

8:17pm
Sister
Sometimes i try to look at laundry and other chores as a good way to not think. Simple things I know I can achieve. It can be comforting after a long day.

8:17pm
Muff
you misunderstand. this is not a cognitive distortion.
it is not about me reframing anything.

8:24pm
Muff
read this (referring to the short story 'the yellow wallpaper'. i am the opposite of this woman. cognitive and biological slowness occur the more that i have to handle cognitively and biologically.

8:26pm
Muff
i know youve seen me lie down at family gatherings: sit in a chair away from the dining table. being faced with all of the goings on at the table literally shuts me down.
so lately, with all of the goings on of the day, i am shutting down a lot.
it seems that the only fix for this is less input. i swear, im getting a bit disabled because in a typical day, input is typical.

8:30pm
Sister
I can understand that. I wish i knew how to help. That sounds laughably inadequate...

***
anyway, thanks for reading.

I can certainly relate to this.

I'm autistic with PTSD, and can see a clear difference between overload (which need not be linked with any emotion whatsoever) and flashbacks (which by definition involve extreme negative emotion, typically a mix of fear, sadness and/or hurt).

I think this is a good explanation for shutdown.