Trouble with trusting people/paranoia that people against me

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A lot of people have hurt me, and betrayed me, but ever since 9th grade, when my mom would bully me, my brother got my best friends against me, and almost all of my other friends betrayed me, I have been very paranoid and have not trusted many people. It's gotten gradually worst over time, and now I'm at the point where I will not trust almost anyone, and I will unconsciouly look for signs of betrayel in people who talk to me. I've betrayed at least 8 close people, and many others who were nothing but nice to me. I know that sometimes people will be nice to me and unusually mean to me on and off, but I don't know if this is adding fuel to the fire. I even don't trust my mom because she used to bully me like crazy, along with my brother, my stepdad, AND my sister, AND at school. :/

Another thing is, I will diagnose myself with mental illnesses all the time. At one point, I thought it was psychosis (Would say very hateful things and be set off by things that make me angry). At another, I thought it was antisocial personality disorder (Struggling sometimes with empathy and doing cruel things to people who hurt me). And others, such as bipolar (Bad mood one day, good mood next), schizophrenia (Auditary hallucinations for two nights at one point, and strange, abstract thoughts,)

Do you think this is any sort of anxiety disorder? I have a history of anxiety, and I used to have panic attacks.

You could very well have an anxiety disorder considering everything you went thorough.

If you're constantly worried about having some sort of really bad mental illness, then I guess they'd call that hypochondriasis or health anxiety; or anyway, tendencies in that direction, which are much more common than the full-blown disorder. The odd thing about that is that if somebody has hypochondriasis they actually do have a disorder--just not the ones they're worried about. Their anxiety surrounding their health is distressing enough in and of itself to qualify as something that they could get treatment for. How it usually happens is that you're really sensitive to the things in your own body and mind, and then you get worried they might be signs of illness; and then the worry itself makes things worse, causing you to mistake things that aren't actually dangerous for things that are.

Multiple worries taking over your life, they'd probably just call generalized anxiety disorder and leave it at that...

What you're saying sounds like you are having some significant problems that you might want to get help for. Have you got a dependable doctor you can ask about how you might address your struggle with anxiety? It is such a very common problem; I bet most doctors see a few people every day with anxiety issues. Usually you get counseling, meds, support group, that kind of thing.

That's a good thing that you know it's "ridiculous"--it means you have good insight.

Being worried over nothing doesn't mean the anxiety itself can't be a problem, of course. Have you tried learning relaxation or meditation or similar? Sometimes, just learning to get rid of physical tension can help you with the mental tension. Needn't be meditation of course; could also try walking, reading something interesting, making something, gardening, whatever's relaxing and/or interesting to you.

a therapist can be someone to trust so you learn that some people can be trusted. sounds like you've had a rough road. sorry to hear that.