Depression

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I have never been depressed in my life. I have always been confident and easy going. My aspergers has never held me back socially, other than being a little shy perhaps.
For those who have followed by thread, you will know that my wife and I are separated. The marriage might be saved in time but that is up to her. I am doing all I can.
I have never liked being alone, I like company. Now that my wife and child are gone ( I hardly get to see my child) I am feeling very depressed. I am on holidays and go to bed early and get up late
I am eating little.
I do feel very depressed because my wife told me the relationship is in tatters because I didn't get diagnosed with AS years ago. You had your chance are her words. Those comments make me feel like shite and make me almost suicidal...
She said that living with my aspie ways was making her feel like killing herself. Like I didn't even know.
Any views on easing depression and loneliness.
want to snap out of it. I have a mind that races and haven't slept well for months,

Find a distraction - anything that will occupy your mind with something else.

By the way, I don't agree with this "You had your chance" thing - AS is not like the flu, it doesn't have strong and obvious symptoms that can quikcly and without any doubt indicate that you are ill. Discovering that you have this issue is a process and could be pretty long for some people.

Well i'm not best to take advice from but i would never get married in this day and age that's signing up on a cue to loss everything you worked for and with a kid involved thats a double negative mate you'll be paying child support the system is f**ked.

Well since your on holidays and it depends where you are get some natural drugs that boost dopamine and serotonin or some better drugs. some gogo gals and have some fun it works wonders after break ups.

No one I know agrees with the had your chance comment, but my wife says it frequently. I should add that I saw a counsellor a few years ago and they didnt even pick it up

My experience is that experiencing real depression is hard, but also frustrating, you want to just snap out of it but can't quite make yourself.

Things I have found that have helped me:

- talking to someone who is caring towards me, this is really important to do if you're feeling very low (this could be a parent, a sibling, a good friend, a therapist or even a national support helpline)

- getting out the house and doing something I enjoy (this could be as simple as coffee and cake, or going to see a film) just interacting with other people a bit can make me feel less alone and isolated

- doing something at home that makes you feel cared for (for me this could be a long hot bath with bubbles, watching a tv box set I love - familiarity can be comforting, eating fish fingers - a childhood comfort food)

- talking to myself in a kindly and caring way (this can be hard to do but I've found it really helps to be kind to myself when down, yelling at myself does not work)

- talking about it to a professional (not for everyone but really has helped me - both talking to my GP and a psychologist)

- taking medication (again not for everyone, but it did help me when I was very low)

Above all be kind to yourself, look after yourself, and talk to someone, even if it's just posting here.

Look after yourself regarding food, rest and exercise. Exercise is great for depression.

Many other aspies here have experienced great loss too. Ostracising behaviour from loved ones, and friends is commonly experienced by aspies.... Many of us here are alone and depressed, welcome to the club.

Such is autism, I'm sorry.

Also good for depression and loneliness are pets.

Cats and dogs (for me especially cats) have been a constant source of succour when I'm down - a cat sat on my lap and purring always makes me feel a bit better.

I should of seen the writing on the wall when my wife has burnt all her family, many friends and some work colleagues

Excellent suggestion - I have a cat and she has always been there for me whenever I felt sad or mistreated.

Animals don't judge you - they always love you for who you are, regardless of your flaws

Fixed that for you!

Excuse me, but WTF is up w/her? Sounds like something heavy.

I suffer from life-long chronic moderate depression.

One of the things that happens when we get depressed is we stop eating properly. It's hard to get up the energy to shop, plan meals, cook & clean-up. I'd suggest that you get a daily multi-vite w/plenty of B-vitamins in it, as well as take 2,000 IU Vit. D. Plenty of evidence showing low levels of Vit. D contribute to depression. Try not to do too much sugar; the insulin highs & lows probably won't help the situation.

Get outside, even if it's just lying on a chaise reading & listening to some soothing music. Find a vista to look out upon... that opens up the inner sight as well as the outer sight, reduces the emotional claustrophobia.

If you like animals, you might volunteer w/a local rescue organization as a pet walker or puppy raiser. I know someone who is working w/a wild bird rescue. Tho' be mindful, it can be difficult as animals do die. But it's a great way to feel useful if you're up to it.

I have found that the more I am able to step outside my house door, the more I am able to step outside my depression. Going to a botanical garden, a nature walk, the library, coffee & the paper... whatever will get you out is for the good.

Thanks DonkeyBuster for the good advice. You know thats the thing I like best about WP, hearing good advice from well meaning posters. Just grand, and gives me a lift to see helpful others

If I went to my quack, I'd be eyed up as a life long customer.....on some harmful meds..... and paying $$$$$ for therapy I dont need or often as not, is in actuality, HARMFUL

Thanks, Surfman, it's also nice to know my experience may help another.

Yeah, and I don't think a lot of people need that [medication]. What's needed is some coping skills & understanding. As in it's normal to get depressed from such a major change in your life's expectations. It's going to take a while for it to get worked out in your heart. While that goes on, there are ways of taking care of yourself that lessen & shorten the duration of the depression.

Studies have been done that show each person has a mood set point (for want of a better phrase; I can't remember what they called it in the study). People will automatically return to their set-point after a period of time post trauma. As your natural set point is not depressed, that's where you'll eventually return, barring development of any truly destructive habits.

Broken hearts are like broken legs, they take a while to heal, but they eventually do. Take care of yourself & trust in the healing.

Last edited by DonkeyBuster on 03 Jul 2012, 4:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Dogs do it for me. They're so honest, transparent and affectionate. A dog's attitude to life is what all humans should strive for.

My knee-jerk reaction to your wife's "You had your chance" is to ask "When?" You've been to counseling and you are trying.

sounds like she needs some counseling herself.

I have just learned to live with chronic depression. Get sleep, eat well, and do an hour of moderate exercise each day. Exercise really helps the symptoms of depression.